Erratic Mood Swings

A

aSilentCee

New member
Joined
Oct 15, 2014
Messages
2
#1
Hi!
I am new here, and have not been diagnosed by a medical professional yet but felt joing this forum may help me until I do get to see someone who can shed some light on what is going on in my head.
For many years now, probably since I was 14 my moods shift from one to another, to another and sometimes I get to a point of borderline mental break down.
There are days when there are reasons for these changes and there are days where im left feeling confused as to why i feel these ways. My state of confusion is something I do not enjoy as it sends me in a spiral of such negativity and can lead to very distructive behaviour - out bursts of rage, uncontrolable crying or self harm.
I am 26 years old and am concerned for my happiness and inner drive that chooses whether i pursue even my smallest ambitions.
I sit here now and all my bad memories flood through my my mind and I wonder why I act upon my emotions and why I cant just work it all through within myself and make decisions that will fix the reason why I feel so strongly towards what ever the situation may be.
My life depends on my moods, my decisions depend on my moods - which is a near impossible task because when my mood changes so does the decision I just made (depending on my reasons for them and the extremeties of it), my motivation to get out of bed depends on just what I think when I wake up. I can still get out of bed if I feel like its not worth the effort but I think spend an entire day hating on everything or trying to hard to make myself feel good which creates frustration when I fail.
I am a strong believer in Actions speak louder than words so I understand why people steer clear from me or have such negative opinions about me as a person, and I hate that I punish myself for being a ugly person on the outside because it shows people that I am very dark and filled with hate on the inside - but thats not me and I want so badly to be the person I know I can be.
A simple mood changes my whole life, how i interpret things, how I act, what I want and how I behave.
Im a lost and worried filled 26 year old who once had everything she wants now and is stuck and confused and would like to hear the opinions from others.
C-
 
Toasted Crumpet

Toasted Crumpet

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#2
Hi and :welcome:

I'm sorry you feel so badly about yourself, I am sure you are not an ugly person either inside or out but I can very much relate to that feeling of hating oneself and feeling one should keep away from others.

I think it is very difficult to manage life when our moods are constantly changing, I have done stuff like this, like quit jobs when I was feeling low and self-destructive, later when I felt a bit better wonder why the f*** did I do that, but at the time I could have done no different because of how I felt.

I hope you can get some help that can ease these mood swings and also maybe learn strategies of sticking with your goals even if your mood changes, it is very hard I know.

I hope you will find this place somewhere you can share and be supported while you explore what is going on for you. xx
 
A

aSilentCee

New member
Joined
Oct 15, 2014
Messages
2
#3
Thank you so much for your response, I never imagined it to feel this comforting to hear back from someone who understands. A sense of understanding is something I seek from those close to me and is unfortunately never achieved, it's gut wrenching and a rather lonely place, my world...... Until now. I am really glad I finally found the courage to post on this forum.
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