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Ermmm... very confused



New member
Sep 6, 2008

I'm Kiz and I think I have Bipolar. I have suffered with mental health issues for over 10 years now and recently moved and was given a very hands on doctor. He took one look at my record and alarm bells rang with him.

He referred me to the local mental health team who I am due to see in a few weeks.

I am so confused by my state of mind right now. I can go thro relative calm states for months but then something happens which turns my head upside down and I then go thro periods of either complete mania when nothing is ever right and I feel like ripping my own head off and anyone else who gets in my way. I hate myself to such a deep dispair that I they only way m brain works out to get rid of it all is to do something very stupid. Up until a few weeks ago my rational self has always said "shut it you crazy cow how could you do something so selfish" but now its a totally a different story.

The Doc has given me some new meds in the meantime because my anti-d's just are not working anymore but the ones he has given me are very sedative (because of the very very black moods and the inability to sleep or rest)

Now they have also given me valium because when I am in a manic episode nothing will bring me down from the ceiling.

I feel totally selfish and I dont know what is happening inside my head.

I believe that my Grandma on my maternal side had undiagnosed Bipolar and the doc seems to think that all the things are leading to me being diagnosed with the same thing but without seeing the mental health team he is powerless really.

I guess what I am trying to say is.... is this normal? Well.... as normal as things can get


Hi n :welcome:from james
ps I was omly talking to a friend and she was trying to find out more about her grandma (who committed suicide) because her gp thinks it might be related.


Bipolar Disorder is a spectrum illness which means that you can be at any point along the scale and have it but that your personal experiences are likely to be different from other peoples.

Its diagnosis is achieved by seeing if you fulfill certain criteria.

A lot of psychiatrists don't prescribe anti d's in bipolar patients because they can make the mood swings worse - the highs are higher so therefore the lows are lower.

Try not to get caught up in a diagnosis you don't yet have and look at ways of trying to maintain emotional stability, i.e. don't get "too" anything.
Last edited:


New member
Sep 6, 2008
Thanks for the replies.

It doesnt bother me what I have if I have anything. My main concern is that my head feels horrid right now and I desperately need help. Its worse than ever before and my mood swings are one of the most horrid things I have ever experienced. I dont know I'm doing it and then I switch back and its only then that I know I've been very bad.

I think I need to stop over analysing how I am feeling and why I am feeling it and try and cope without the whys and hows

I dont know if I am making sense at all.
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