• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Erm...

walkthroughtreacle

walkthroughtreacle

Member
Joined
Mar 19, 2015
Messages
10
Hello everyone,

I've signed up here because if I don't start expressing myself about what is wrong with me, I shall explode.

I think I can pinpoint when I felt different from other people to when I was about eight. I remember bursts of intense sadness that I didn't know how to deal with and became a really insular, shy child. Socially awkward too, better with books than other children.

I'm in my mid-thirties now and whilst I have come to the attention of the NHS (God love it) on occasion, notably when I found myself with [moderated], generally speaking I have kept my own counsel about this internal torture since being that shy little kid.

I just can't any more.

Everyday is the same old story. I can't concentrate on anything, my memory is shot and I find making even the smallest decision almost intolerable. I'm constantly on edge, restless and whilst I used to be able to make people feel comfortable, now I'm just too irritable to be able to deal with in civil company. I bolt uprght in the wee small hours and can't get back to sleep, which doesnt help.

I've had problems with drink and drugs throughout my adult life; although they were started off with a certainty of purpose: to not feel so awful. Now I just eat and eat and eat, putting on a fair bit of weight in the process. I don't even want to half the time, but I end up doing so through some weird compulsion.

I have absolutely no interest in keeping any kind of meaningful friendships. I just don't see the point, they're going to catch on to the fact that I'm totally screwed up eventually and walk away. Sex, well. Least said about that the better.

Generally feel utterly, utterly worthless like I'm just using up skin that would have been better served elsewhere. Anyhow, bored you enough.
 
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MarlieeB

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jan 15, 2013
Messages
25,044
:welcome: to the forum.

Don't worry about boring us with your story, you haven't at all :hug1:

I'm sorry you are feeling so down at the moment.

Take care

Marliee x
 
Toasted Crumpet

Toasted Crumpet

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Feb 11, 2013
Messages
8,424
Location
under the Forum Troll bridge
hi and :welcome:

can identify with a lot of what you posted, also a very shy awkward child, have eating issues,prefer books, don't make friends as I feel so different and I even identify with your user name as that is what it feels like isn't it:hug1:

You haven't bored us and I hope you find some identification and support on this forum. xx
 
walkthroughtreacle

walkthroughtreacle

Member
Joined
Mar 19, 2015
Messages
10
Thank-you everyone for your welcoming posts, much appreciated.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
Just wanted to welcome you to the forum. :hi:
You really are among people who can understand your experiences here.
It sounds like you've had struggles to varying degrees for a really long time now.. I hope you find this forum helpful.
 
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