endless unbearable minutes

speckles

speckles

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 9, 2012
Messages
1,680
Location
Uk
Each minute feels unbearable a never ending hamster wheel I wonder what if I had made different choices responded better. How does someone go from a first class degree and working with young people to total disintegration sleeping in a corner of an empty bedroom on the floor not be not having food or fluid being kept alive under restraint locked away from all the people you know not having left a Ward for 5 months . I am so stupid I can't bear to carry on I need to die now it is too much and I am weak
 
exyz

exyz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 14, 2017
Messages
2,773
((((Speckles))))
You are not stupid you are so kind despite all your own troubles.
If it is minute by minute then that is what you need to do for yourself. I wish I could help but I don't know what will help. But listening :hug:
 
speckles

speckles

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 9, 2012
Messages
1,680
Location
Uk
Minute by minute feels a bit exhausting I suppose and I feel shame that I am so ridiculous really I,be always been a funny mixture of sensible brokenness really. I know in some ways I make a difference on the Ward to the other patients but I always think why does no one want me, want to treat me and I know it cos I am fundamentally bad
 
Mayfair

Mayfair

Well-known member
Admin
Moderator
Joined
Jun 12, 2010
Messages
33,715
Location
8,539
Try and take care tonight speckles.

It's a horrible cycle of thoughts you are going through right now, and there's not a quick fix really :low: Just keep going tonight, and then will look into it again tomorrow :)


edit: p.s. I saw after rereading, and saw the stupid thing. You are not stupid.
 
Last edited:
A

agse01

Active member
Joined
Dec 29, 2017
Messages
28
Speckles, You are not stupid. We all make mistakes, but regardless of your mistakes, you are still loveable, needed, valuable and a human being who has value and dignity. Do not allow your past mistakes to define you. Mistakes are not who we are! I know you don't like your current situation, but use it as a positive to make the changes needed in your life. Sometimes we all have to reach the lowest point in our lives to see the changes we need to make and get the motivation to do so. Don't believe the lies going through your head. You are worthy! You are not stupid! You do deserve a happy fulfilling life. Believe that for yourself! I don't know your spiritual beliefs, but I will be praying for peace for you!
 
R_Sxo

R_Sxo

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2017
Messages
2,128
Hi speckles,

My challenge to your "What if?" thoughts is this - what difference does it make? The past is the past, and we can't go back and change things. We can change our present and future though - work on that, rather than languishing in what could've been!x

Much love <3
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
32,942
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
im so sorry you are going through this ,my heart really truly goes out to you
i wish i could magic things better for you and you happy
sending all my love Lu x
 
claude

claude

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Aug 13, 2017
Messages
881
how are you getting on speckles? i have been thinking about you and hoping that you are ok. I wanted to say that i think it is incredible that you are working so hard with the petition and writing to MPs etc even though your situation honestly sounds like torture. You clearly have a remarkable strength and mind. I hope that you are not kept suffering like this, having to survive minute by minute, i hope that you get to experience great joys in your life. You are clearly a good hearted and hard working individual who speaks truth to power, I hope that you get to experience light hearted fun and peace as well, i hope that balance is restored to your life
 
calypso

calypso

Well-known member
Admin
Moderator
Joined
Jan 5, 2011
Messages
42,707
Location
Lancashire
Sending lots of warm thoughts to you Speckles, you really are suffering a lot at the moment.
 
Top