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emotionally verbally abusive son

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bevrose3

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Oct 14, 2016
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I have always cared for my adult son early diagnosed with schizophrenia. We have always been very close but in the past year he has become verbally abusive as well as emotionally abusive. He says I say things I don't say and every moment I'm with him he yells at me and even swears at me and yells at me. I react in kindness trying to avoid making him more upset. I can't hardly take being around him without breaking down and it's starting to cause health problems. Hw doesn't talk to others that way but I'm the one he is with everyday and see's that he get to dr appts. I supply everything he needs and still he is mean to me beyond acceptable. Help
 
cpuusage

cpuusage

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Welcome to the forum. Am sorry to hear of the difficulties.

To varying degrees i think it's often part of what goes with things in areas of mental health. So firstly don't think it's unusual or odd, it happens a lot. People often do blame & attack the ones closest to us.

There's a lot written about healthy boundaries, non violent communication, co-dependency & many areas of understanding & dealing with all these things, from a carers & patient perspective.

i had a lot more anger & resentment at one stage & there was a lot of arguing & dysfunctionality within my own family. Things did improve, but there are still ongoing issues.

We all need understanding & support. As hard as it is i've found as far as possible allowing people to be & focusing on letting go of all control, blame, looking after myself & living my own life as best that i can, to have helped. Allow other people their own lives & paths, however painful. What can we really do about the lives & behaviour of others? For me acceptance, gratitude & forgiveness has been key to things.

It's also controversial, but there is a place for tough love in my view - when people are faced more fully with the consequences of their own actions, choices & have to confront their own responsibility, it is often a catalyst for their own growth & healing. Often we do unwittingly enable our loved ones in unhealthy patterns.

i hope that the situation improves for you soon. i also feel it's the right things to be kind & caring, but you also do need to look after your own welfare & have your own life.
 
cpuusage

cpuusage

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i hope that the situation improves for you soon. i also feel it's the right things to be kind & caring, but you also do need to look after your own welfare & have your own life.
Are you in contact with any carer support services? - depending on area/services/resources, that may be a good idea to look into & access your own support networks.

Rethink have quite a good reputation as being sensitive to the needs of carers.

i expect that other people will be along soon to also offer advice.
 
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Jonathan_P

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Aug 6, 2016
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I have always cared for my adult son early diagnosed with schizophrenia. We have always been very close but in the past year he has become verbally abusive as well as emotionally abusive.
Unfortunately it's a difficult illness to cope with. (I said some of my middle Brother things that were unpleasant. : ( (Although he understood that I was going through a difficult time and we have a good relationship these days.)

He says I say things I don't say and every moment I'm with him he yells at me and even swears at me and yells at me.
I know. : ( You can be sure that you really love someone when you make exceptions for them when they're going trough difficult times.
: )

I react in kindness trying to avoid making him more upset.
Good for you. (And him.) I admire you for that.
: )

I can't hardly take being around him without breaking down and it's starting to cause health problems. He doesn't talk to others that way but I'm the one he is with everyday and see's that he get to dr appts. I supply everything he needs and still he is mean to me beyond acceptable. Help
Sorry. : ( I honesty believe that if you keep supporting Him eventually everything will turn out for the best.

HTH
Jonathan
 
Mr.NiceGuy

Mr.NiceGuy

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Your son may believe he is having conversations with you using telepathy. Voices can really convince a person they are a neighbor or someone you know sometimes. Ask your son to name the song your singing in your head for fifty dollars and prove to him that you can't hear others thoughts. Also let him try this method https://www.mentalhealthforum.net/forum/thread143191.html if his voices are offending him.
 
Cazcat

Cazcat

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Your son may believe he is having conversations with you using telepathy. Voices can really convince a person they are a neighbor or someone you know sometimes. Ask your son to name the song your singing in your head for fifty dollars and prove to him that you can't hear others thoughts. Also let him try this method https://www.mentalhealthforum.net/forum/thread143191.html if his voices are offending him.
That is a good point, when my husband has psychosis he hears voices but they are always attributed to other people who are arround, sometimes me. Also he has been known to think other people can here his thoughts and get very upset when I don't respond in the way he expects to these thoughts.

I'm sorry to hear he has been treating you badly. When my husband is unwell he can say awful, cruel and even threatening things dpending on what he believes is happening, but would never behave that way when he is well.

Are you making time to look after yourself? It is so important when you care for someone else to make time for yourself and to set boundries to look after yourself too, otherwise the illness swallows both of you. And if you are struggling to look after yourself, how can you expect to look after other people.

Your son is an adult, yes he's an adult with an illness that makes life more challenging for him, but he's still an adult and meeds to take some responsibility for his behaviour and for managing his condition too. If he doesn't treat others this way that indicates that he is in control of his behaviour and knows when its not appropriate. Set some boundries with him for acceptable behaviour, and if he crosses these then walk away in a loving but firm manner e.g. That behaviour is not acceptable, I am going now, I love you and I will talk to you later. You can care for and support someone without them walking all over you, but its easy for people to take you for granted when you are always there.

Also finding a local carers group is a great idea to be able to share with people who understand. I jope things get better for you soon.
 
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