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Emotionally Unstable (eupd/bpd)

MadCat7431

MadCat7431

Member
Joined
Oct 11, 2019
Messages
9
Location
England
hi, so uhh I’ve just travelled abroad for the first time ever to be with my other half it’s meant to be the happiest time of my life and it is but I’m still panicking and I’m getting such bad headaches and I feel like I shouldn’t be alive... I’m still obsessed with my best friend I left back home and I feel like I’m disappointing my other half by being the way I am in front of their family, I feel like such a mess and I don’t know what to do...
Apparently there is no medication for this they are actually taking me off my antidepressants which is fabulous considering I don’t see the point in being here and I haven’t yet started therapy until I go back home but I don’t see how talking about how crap life is and people are and I am is going to fix me. I don’t know what to do I just want to stop panicking all the time be normal and stop scaring away the people I love stop being a burden to them I’m sorry for this essay I don’t normally do this but I feel so dead right now I don’t feel I should be here like I don’t think I should have been born at all it’s different to wishing I was dead at least then no one would be affected but also would never have been hurt knowing me either my gosh I’m even being a pain here sorry, I get it if I get no responses sorry if I wasted your time if anyone read this far
 
M

Megan333

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 29, 2019
Messages
52
Location
Sheffield
Hi Madcat, your post was a little all over the place, but you probably needed to just get the emotions out. I cant really grasp the actual problem...
Sorry for this.
Could you be a little more specific and with fullstops(periods) at the end of each sentence.
 
Q

qwynie Rose

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 3, 2019
Messages
216
Location
Scotland
hi, so uhh I’ve just travelled abroad for the first time ever to be with my other half it’s meant to be the happiest time of my life and it is but I’m still panicking and I’m getting such bad headaches and I feel like I shouldn’t be alive... I’m still obsessed with my best friend I left back home and I feel like I’m disappointing my other half by being the way I am in front of their family, I feel like such a mess and I don’t know what to do...
Apparently there is no medication for this they are actually taking me off my antidepressants which is fabulous considering I don’t see the point in being here and I haven’t yet started therapy until I go back home but I don’t see how talking about how crap life is and people are and I am is going to fix me. I don’t know what to do I just want to stop panicking all the time be normal and stop scaring away the people I love stop being a burden to them I’m sorry for this essay I don’t normally do this but I feel so dead right now I don’t feel I should be here like I don’t think I should have been born at all it’s different to wishing I was dead at least then no one would be affected but also would never have been hurt knowing me either my gosh I’m even being a pain here sorry, I get it if I get no responses sorry if I wasted your time if anyone read this far

Hi, you're not being a pain. The way they "treat" eupd/bpd here in the UK doesn't help. I'm sorry they're stopping your anti-depressants, sometimes they help with sleep at least. And I'm sure the people who truly love you (like your other half) don't think you're a burden, it's part of eupd/bpd to feel that way, at least it is for me. Lots of Love and Hugs for you. xxx
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
5,751
Location
Nowhere
hi Madcat :welcome:

hope you found it helpful to let that out
I think therapy will help
especially if you cant get medication

:grouphug:🕯🍃
 
MadCat7431

MadCat7431

Member
Joined
Oct 11, 2019
Messages
9
Location
England
Thanks guys, sorry I literally do just type and type and type when I panic 😅 I know it is like I know it’s my mental state making me feel what I feel but it’s hard not to believe it at the same time it’s like everything is a mess. I don’t see things as “black and white” like most people with eupd I see everything as not certain nothing is ever just simple it’s always got a complication making it not quite white and not quite black, but it’s not a flipping rainbow either lol I don’t know, I guess I just have to wait for the therapy to start in a week or 2 and convince them to give me more meds 🙈 sorry it is all a mess I’m sure people don’t need my stress as well but thank you for your kind words
 
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