• Hi. It’s great to see you. Welcome!

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life. Amongst our membership there is a wealth of expertise that has been developed through having to deal with mental health issues.

    We are an actively moderated forum with a team of experienced moderators. We also have a specialist safety team that works extra hard to keep the forum safe for visitors and members.

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

emotional buttons

Emery

Emery

Member
Joined
Jul 25, 2019
Messages
13
Location
Pennsylvania, United States
If someone pushes my emotional buttons, it feels like a fire behind a door is welling up and is gonna explode but before it does, I feel ice cold darkness and I hear my mind's resolution to even the smallest emotional trigger, "I'm never going to talk to them again. I can forget them. They're already out of my mind"

you can imagine what internal battle this stirs within my mind, especially when its someone I love deeply. I have to fight my own body and mind to not walk away. To not disappear. I've disappeared from many peoples' lives. It's what I do. I get a sort of rush from cutting myself out of a life. It feels good that maybe, just maybe, me walking away will hurt them. And then maybe they'll understand how much I'm hurting all the time. But then I realize I probably am doing them a favor by walking away, and I couldn't stand to see someone walk away from me and be happier. So I hold on. Or I let go.

I feel nothing. Or I feel everything. And what I do feel never feels like its mine. It feels like I was programmed with the wrong emotional code. too bad i cant factory reset my personality :p:p
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
3,986
Location
Nowhere
your last paragraph makes really good song lyrics ! :peace:
 
Olivia93

Olivia93

Active member
Joined
Jul 26, 2019
Messages
33
Location
England
If someone pushes my emotional buttons, it feels like a fire behind a door is welling up and is gonna explode but before it does, I feel ice cold darkness and I hear my mind's resolution to even the smallest emotional trigger, "I'm never going to talk to them again. I can forget them. They're already out of my mind"

you can imagine what internal battle this stirs within my mind, especially when its someone I love deeply. I have to fight my own body and mind to not walk away. To not disappear. I've disappeared from many peoples' lives. It's what I do. I get a sort of rush from cutting myself out of a life. It feels good that maybe, just maybe, me walking away will hurt them. And then maybe they'll understand how much I'm hurting all the time. But then I realize I probably am doing them a favor by walking away, and I couldn't stand to see someone walk away from me and be happier. So I hold on. Or I let go.

I feel nothing. Or I feel everything. And what I do feel never feels like its mine. It feels like I was programmed with the wrong emotional code. too bad i cant factory reset my personality :p:p
Hi Emery, I’m new here but just wanted to say I know exactly how you’re feeling. I’ve cut many friends out of my life, as I feel they don’t understand me and they don’t care about me. I’ve tried to cut my family out as well, as the emotional pain is too hard to cope with, but as I live with my mum and dad, it’s hard to pretend they don’t exist when I’m living with them! The emotions that BPD stirs up is so incredibly painful. Have you engaged in DBT therapy? I’m waiting for this but have heard it’s meant to be great for our diagnosis
 
Top