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Emotional Abuse towards me when I was unwell by family members

H

harsh-reality

Well-known member
Joined
May 31, 2016
Messages
273
Location
England
I have two mental health conditions but I have found when I was unwell for many many years my sisters and their husbands their lack of interest in my life and well being was very very distressing. My parents were supportive but some of the things one sister in particular keeps saying has had an amazingly distressing impact on my self esteem.

They did not want to know when I wasn't working - I was unwell but did get put on more long term benefits and when working I was generally ill anyhow.

I sent emails as I could not comprehend their lack of love towards me - I know people who got alcohol issues even drug problems and all their family still support so as I generally always try to look for the best in people and am kind when I struggled with losing job and friends and then my family kicked the boot in - it has been distressing over a very long period.

My siblings never rang and despite my pleas in emails they just did not want to know me - they called the police on me because they did not want me contacting them again - was unbelievably upsetting - and frightening.

It has ruined my life for a number of years - my parents support me as they do them but they have never had words with my siblings yet they just say sadly they not interested and I have to deal with it

I can't on regular occasions - i have ptsd over many aspects of these exchanges

My siblings all have big families and partner - I live alone - they do not have mental health condtions

I often feel alone

I always aim to help my friends and get them into wellbeing and then they get girlfriends and hey ho I am dust again

I dont have any confidences with women and do feel I will alwasy be on my own and my sisters aggressive emotional bullying when I been unwell and my parents ignoring the poorer aspects to my sisters behaviours and simply saying me I have to accept it - my sisters have never been brought to task over this by our parents which again is severely demoralising for me and I have an amazingly low opinion of myself because of this

Many people like my support of them but on my tod I do feel very very alone when things go wrong which they do quite regularly sadly..

its upsetting often and very depressing..
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
11,249
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
I think the only thing you can do is cut your siblings out of your life, you cant make them change their minds about how they treat you and for your own wellbeing if they are making you feel bad its best to not have them in your life :hug:
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
10,288
Location
England
Hi,
I'm so sorry about your family, hope things get better for you.
Take care
 
H

harsh-reality

Well-known member
Joined
May 31, 2016
Messages
273
Location
England
I think the only thing you can do is cut your siblings out of your life, you cant make them change their minds about how they treat you and for your own wellbeing if they are making you feel bad its best to not have them in your life :hug:
Yes its sadly very deliberate and they truly know how to hit the pain barrier. I have not seen them for some time but I feel as you say not to have them in my life at all ever again is for the best and I am aware this is also important for me to not have them in my thinking either - I am aware of that - and although the reality of that is easier said than done - I yes have to accpet whatever way they think its not going happen if they simply refuse to ever consider any other reality than their own upsetting stances towards myself..
 
H

harsh-reality

Well-known member
Joined
May 31, 2016
Messages
273
Location
England
when I become unwell I write nonsense sometimes in emails

and friends disappear from all areas - one man who I have re friended who has his own mental health diagnosis has been abusive though

its confusing because I was there for him when he attempted suicide - i have been unwell and he recently got in relationship and suddenly from being supportive he very reluctantly meets and says his girlfriend comes first..

its irritating as I am always very very loyal to my friends and I actually encouraged him to meet this woman - I never feel that scenario is possible for me ever but my dad has been undergoing radiothrapy and this man has taken umbrage from me as I said it was hard for me and although I was pleased for him to get in a relationship I did say I was a little envious although as said I never think anyone be interested in myself - I only had one relationship and she was a serail cheat but my dad been very unwell - his life has been picking up and tbh although yes I understand new relationships will be important he is only willing meet up very occasionally and he has shown a lot of anger to me simply because he tinks I am jealous. I said I was envious but not jealous and my dad has been having radiotherapy - he has definitely been angry when meeting me though - he denies it but I sense it - the more I write this the worse he seems

I been ratty in the extreme but everything has been going wrong but i thought he was better than this = his girlfriend criticised me also - i never met her
 
Per Ardua Ad Astra

Per Ardua Ad Astra

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 15, 2014
Messages
9,085
Location
North of England, UK
Sorry to hear of your experiences. I'm somewhat fortunate cos my family - especially my parents - have been very good with me :)

Much of my suffering has come from predators and free-loading, abusive scroats in my local, so-called 'caring community'. And from the massive let-downs and failings, of so-called professionals (both law enforcement and healthcare), who seem quite happy with the dereliction of their public duty, seemingly with impunity :)
 
P

Pollypop

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 23, 2015
Messages
1,117
Location
England. Derbyshire
Was it your friend who told you that his girlfriend criticised you
or someone else?.
 
H

harsh-reality

Well-known member
Joined
May 31, 2016
Messages
273
Location
England
no i dont deserve abuse

i helped him loads

his girlfriend sent me a message to not send him emails criticising him

she not met me - I sent a nice one after that but when he met me last he was angry - he has said we all have our problems - and said my family and my friends would not want cope with me when I unwell and to phone crisis line - well I do have other friends - they not shunned me - I have felt cheated by this man - he has confused me a lot - i went out tonight with a mental health social group and they were all kind to me - ok he is now in a relationship - I said to him it makes me feel even more alone if I now see him as it reminds me how far away I am from this position myself - my parents copped it a bit as they praised this man - i not told them about him because it could be seen as me complaining about someone and they think not correct often with my choice of friends - they seem to favour people that in all reality I have learnt are bad for me - when you keep on helping people to get on further than yourself and then they suddenly say that I was never the grreatest of help but previously they spoke differently about me well my choices have been truly poor with friends - I seem to enable this also which is incredibly poor of myself also - i realise I am a bit of an idiot - my parents would agree often I am an idiot but having spoken to my mental health supporter tonight she said sometimes when people dumb you down very quickly and often it is often becasue they are not able to face their own inadequacies over a scenario that they protect themselves from by being too quick to clamp down on

I am talking my siblings have been extremely critical of myself in the extreme - our parents are not ok with how they have been to me quite rightly - they say my siblings are adults and they cant change their reactions but if I criticise my parents always protecting my siblings and they then clamp down on myself immediately with criticism even though I now they care about me - I am asking the question to others out there

My siblings and their partners walk past me in the street like I am something that they have stepped in - it has been going on years -its been horrible in the extreme - our parents are generally more supportive of myself but when there is an isssue I am criticised by them for contacting siblings ie I cant understand the extreme hatred -one sister sends me abuse - its horrible as well - but when it affects me dreadfully I have had to chat occasionally to parents about it - I try not to but some of the stuff has been awful - they simply say dont contact - I wont know - but the abuse that my sister has sent has been bordering on criminal - she almost delights in knowing she is causing myself distress - one thats awful - I have never actually caused her any harm - i not work paid now - i do voluntary but the abuse is awful - I have said to parents this hurts myself dreadfully and although I love them dearly when things go well I have never understood if I react I am criticised by my parents they get angry but what I have siad to them obviously none of us have ever wanted this situation to happen and I do know that they still love my siblings - I can understand that as a parent but why they have never ever spoken at all to any of them ever about the abuse I have received from siblings - I said thats the only part of this whole sorry saga I have never been able to comprehend. I think my mum can see no wrong with her "girls" as she calls them and my dad finds it easy to crticise my actions if he feels he has to but I feel he is frightened to ever say anything at all to my siblings

BUt what I say to them is you have each other my siblings are both married and have a lot of supportive children eight betweeen them and they have told their children I am dangerous I have schizophrenia but I have never been in a fight in my life but its made even harder that they have told their children I am scum - I was very hurt by my sisters sentence because I am hanging around in mental health circles - I am one of those people - she has made me feel very small - but although most things I am happy with my parents - I have said via email tonight - the only thing I have never understood is why they have never spoken to either of my siblings as to the abuse I personally have received at their hands

I guess I will never understand that - they will undoubtedly be hurt by myself asking that - often when I have asked this they shout me down immediately and dont want to answer this but as my helper said to me today when someone shouts someone down quickly before they can assess what the other person has asked is because they are on the defensive and realise that it is something that they potentially could be lacking in even though both my parents wil never ever admit to ever being wrong
 
H

harsh-reality

Well-known member
Joined
May 31, 2016
Messages
273
Location
England
I always try to be kind to people and most people like me and think I am nice. My family in some ways are "a bit shit" - I am not against my actual parents - financially they been kind to me - they supported me more than others I know but if I get upset over this I can get criticism but its not I want them to have words with their other children - I myself would never have wished this horrible nastiness had never happened - its horrible for my parents also - but why they have never ever picked my siblings up on it ever - I will never ever know - I think perhaps they are afraid if they criticise them then their children may actually disown themselves too - its the only solution I can see that makes any sense to me but if thats the case then how crap are my siblings - my whole family is incredibly successful financially - i am not - this has never worried me - but I have had enough criticism from ridiculously childish siblings. At times they have made me feel like the child - ie I lived with parents for long time - it worked ok ish - but it was seen as I was weak according to my siblings - I not been with them ten years now but I am still pathetic in the eyes of mysiblings - sadly I have said to friends I will not be able to go to my parents funerals when that sad day happens - my dad has had ill health recently I have given many lifts to the hospital - my siblings have not - my sister that is critical does not drive - its been a horrific journey at times I been in hospital several times - thats never happening again - I just want a wquiet life - I will always bump into certain family they only live three miles away - but obviously my sisters think I am a deviant ie not work not in relationhsip not got my own family - but they never had a mental illness - it s hard though that our parents can still criticise me but if I get upset when they praise my siblings and I get upset - they think its anger - it is to a certain extent obviously - but they then criticise myself for reacting in such a way - its because the whole situation has been very distressing for me - they then always react and say but what about us - i say I understand your distress about it but when I have had to deal with it - I deal with it alone and although they hate the situation they have never stopped seeing both my siblings and their families very regularly - I not against that - I am a reasonable man but I do get upset that they have never ever picked these people up ever on their actions

my siblings if the world stopped turning it would be my doing - i know that sounds flippant but its the reality of how it is

to be honest I am aamazed I am still here - I did not do anything when in the depths of despaur and alone because it would have destroyed our parents - that was the only reason I never did anything back then - I am pleased I never did becasue I am despite all this horrendous nonsense doing reasonably well in recent times - I have made many new friends - some as said have been bad but most decent- despite my criticisms of my parents reluctance ever telling my siblings off - they dont like their actions so its a hard one for me to ever understand why this has been the case - I sent them saying as much tonight but did say I did still love them very dearly - I dont understand but I think I will simply have to understand that its not something I will ever understand and although if I mention it they criticise - I cant see point if ever asking why anymore because it would be what my siblings would wish of me and probably in reality although I have not understood this part - I feel my siblings are always on the attack because they now feel I have an easier life than themselves and they really dont like that at all

I have heard though when I have chatted about this so many stories of abuse from familiy members - it seems to be a very common occurrence in a lot of families

I woud myself growing up never had said our family was dysfunctional - we were probably be classified middle class - and fairly normal bog standard family - the fact all family get togethers involved a drink - I know not all gatherings like that but I guess this country its very common for get togethers involve drink

I dont drink at all now myself - all the others do - its very sad but myself criticising myself because others do I feel I can not continue to do this to myself as I will easily go under

I am quite worried currently that myself rainsing this issues with my parents in last few days they will now disown me -they certainly will not like myself being critical and they will immediately think I am not grateful for their help in my life at times - they will react like this I know but I guess if they do react once more that I am in the wrong again - then I will know they were not who I thought they were - its a big risk me saying this - but i guess itnhad to be mentioned - can i live with it - maybe - i have no idea how they will be - they know that I am ringing the crisis lines a couple of times - its something i do do sometimes - it can help me on occasions - sometimes they been more critical of myself than anyone else but i guess they are more aware of my scenario but stiil I resistant phone them as on some occcasions they have made things worse - I did complain about this and have done so at feedback forums and now I feel I get better support because for the simple reason they do know that some of my treatment has been poor and I can at times be eloquent enough to criticise my support when its been poor and they do not wish bad press - so to speak

I know all that seems horrendous - probably mild to what others have experiecned but I wish most of it had never occured but I am still here and even though often I think of myself as very weak maybe in reality I have been quite storng to still be here to tell the tale and be reasonably well when I am not under attack from undesirable people
 
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