Emotional Abuse by Family?

prettyflower

prettyflower

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Joined
Nov 17, 2018
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7
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USA
#1
I am extremely depressed and anxious. My mom and older sister are controlling me and possibly emotionally abusive?

I have been questioning my sexuality and gender identity since high school.
A few years ago when I was in high school my older sister read my diary. She told my other sister what I had written in the diary. My older sister was yelling and screaming at me in my room. She locked the door and wouldn't let me leave. In my diary I had written about having feelings for girls.

I have talked to my mom about questioning my sexuality and I have come out to her multiple times. But she has ignored me and became really angry at me.

My mom always ignores me when I want to talk to her about everyday things. She never wants to talk to me.
She is very controlling. She forces me to dress in feminine girly clothing. She forces me to wear makeup. She got extremely angry at me when I was asking her if I could wear guys clothing then I started having suicidal thoughts.

My mom becomes angry at me almost every day for no reason. She is always yelling at me.

My mom hates LGBTQ people.
My older sister hates LGBTQ people too. My older sister is bullying me. She makes mean comments to me and she stares at me in a mean way. My older sister calls me weird. I am constantly anxious, afraid of what she might say next.

Currently I am closeted and confused and still questioning. I am really really scared. Because I am afraid if they find out about me or if they become angry enough they might physically hurt me.

Is this emotional abuse? Do you have any advice for me? How can I cope with my abusive family?
 
Y

Yodagirl

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2019
Messages
626
Location
Georgia USA
#3
I am extremely depressed and anxious. My mom and older sister are controlling me and possibly emotionally abusive?

I have been questioning my sexuality and gender identity since high school.
A few years ago when I was in high school my older sister read my diary. She told my other sister what I had written in the diary. My older sister was yelling and screaming at me in my room. She locked the door and wouldn't let me leave. In my diary I had written about having feelings for girls.

I have talked to my mom about questioning my sexuality and I have come out to her multiple times. But she has ignored me and became really angry at me.

My mom always ignores me when I want to talk to her about everyday things. She never wants to talk to me.
She is very controlling. She forces me to dress in feminine girly clothing. She forces me to wear makeup. She got extremely angry at me when I was asking her if I could wear guys clothing then I started having suicidal thoughts.

My mom becomes angry at me almost every day for no reason. She is always yelling at me.

My mom hates LGBTQ people.
My older sister hates LGBTQ people too. My older sister is bullying me. She makes mean comments to me and she stares at me in a mean way. My older sister calls me weird. I am constantly anxious, afraid of what she might say next.

Currently I am closeted and confused and still questioning. I am really really scared. Because I am afraid if they find out about me or if they become angry enough they might physically hurt me.

Is this emotional abuse? Do you have any advice for me? How can I cope with my abusive family?
 
Y

Yodagirl

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Joined
Mar 9, 2019
Messages
626
Location
Georgia USA
#4
Be who you are and don’t let them tell you who you can or cannot love/ be attracted to. I was raised in a really strict Christian family and I am bisexual. When I tried to tell my Mom I was attracted to girls she wouldn’t hear any of it and said it was of the devil. You have to accept who you are and not be ashamed about it. How old are you? Can you move out on your own to get away from them and the bullying? Sorry you’re going through this! As a parent we’re supposed to love and support our children, that should’ve change based upon whom your attracted to.
 
prettyflower

prettyflower

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Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
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Location
USA
#5
Be who you are and don’t let them tell you who you can or cannot love/ be attracted to. I was raised in a really strict Christian family and I am bisexual. When I tried to tell my Mom I was attracted to girls she wouldn’t hear any of it and said it was of the devil. You have to accept who you are and not be ashamed about it. How old are you? Can you move out on your own to get away from them and the bullying? Sorry you’re going through this! As a parent we’re supposed to love and support our children, that should’ve change based upon whom your attracted to.
Hello I am in my 20s. I am living at home because I am attending an online college. I have mental health problems, it makes it difficult for me to socialize. I can't move out unfortunately.
 
daffy

daffy

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#6
Is there an LGBGT crisis line that you could call. I know we have them in the UK so am sure they will be available in the USA. I really think you should call someone for advice :hug:
 
prettyflower

prettyflower

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Joined
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Messages
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Location
USA
#7
Is there an LGBGT crisis line that you could call. I know we have them in the UK so am sure they will be available in the USA. I really think you should call someone for advice :hug:
Ok I will look it up online. Thank you so much. :hug:
 
Y

Yodagirl

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Messages
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Georgia USA
#8
Hello I am in my 20s. I am living at home because I am attending an online college. I have mental health problems, it makes it difficult for me to socialize. I can't move out unfortunately.
Oh ok, that’s understandable. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Family can really suck sometimes! :hug:
 
BleachedViolet

BleachedViolet

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Light from a dead star...
#9
This is absolutely emotional abuse. I grew up in an emotionally abusive home, so my heart goes out to you. My mother was/is very controlling, too, and single-minded in her very conservative views. Everything about me was picked apart from a young age, and a lot of her anger was taken out on me verbally/critically.

It also sounds like you're dealing with a sort of "pack mentality"/being ganged up on regarding your sister. It really sucks when you're the odd one out and the power dynamic is thrown askew.

I'm genuinely sorry you're stuck there atm and have to repress who you are/aren't accepted or respected. It sounds like you're very isolated - though I know that's compounded by forces beyond your control right now. I know you mentioned being anxious socially... I'm new to this forum, but have found everyone thus far very open-minded and accepting. Maybe work on building your confidence socially here a bit and see if you meet anyone you relate to. You need to find somewhere you can be your true self. Opening up like you already have takes a lot of courage and is a strong start in the right direction.

As for coping, every family dynamic is different, but I've recently had to accept (at almost 40) that I'll never get validation or any kind of acknowledgement or apology for things that happened when I was growing up. I very calmly approached the topic with my mom, even quoted things that were repeatedly screamed at me for years, and I was told that it "never happened" and I have a "very active little imagination".

So I've had to shut the door, emotionally, on the past and find the strength to accept her for who she is even when I know it wont be reciprocated.

Again, that's my experience - I can't speak for how your mom or sister view things, but I can bet that it's from a very different angle than your perspective...

So I'd try my hardest to find a safe space, be it here or if you can get out and take a walk or if you're into movies or music. Anything that is *yours* and can give you some peace. Focus on your own growth and try to block their negativity out as best you can. I know that's not easy or even possible at times/often, but it's not you. It's *their* problem. You are who you are, and it's their incredible misfortune that they choose to not accept things or get to know who you truly are.

Sorry if that was long, but it took me years to realize certain things are beyond my control and I have to work on accepting myself instead of seeking it from the wrong or closed off sources... :hug:
 
BleachedViolet

BleachedViolet

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#10
I'm also sorry that you feel scared/threatened... like others have suggested, maybe find a helpline or see online if there is even a facility in your area that supports the LGBTQ community. You need a mentor or someone who can guide you so you feel safer or have a place to turn for your protection.

I honestly wish you the best and your story is heartbreaking. Xx