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emetophobia sufferer

S

sydnyclr3

New member
Joined
Dec 31, 2019
Messages
1
Location
United States
hey i don’t really know how forums or anything work but i just really wanted to put my story somewhere because i feel like i’m going crazy with all this locked up in my head.

i’ve suffered from emetophobia since i was a little kid. there are parts of my life where it’s been more or less severe but since coming to college it’s been worse than ever. not sure why, maybe because of being on my own and people getting sick in dorms but regardless it’s hell living like this. i have anywhere from 6-10 panic attacks per month and they can last hours or days. i’m so exhausted from being paralyzed with fear that it’s getting harder and harder to fight the panic and i just let it take me. i have xanax for panic attacks but i’m afraid of getting addicted. my regular meds (zoloft) aren’t really working anymore. i’m working with my psychiatrist again to find medicine that works and i’m trying to get back into therapy to do some CBT and exposure therapy but it’s not happening at the rate i want it to. every hour of every day i’m petrified of getting sick. i carry my xanax with me everywhere because i’ve been having so many panic attacks. they can be triggered by anything, from food that looks bad to seeing a trash can to hearing the word v*mit. sometimes i even get anxious because i feel too okay, like a sickness is gonna sneak up on me when i least expect it. it’s getting harder and harder to eat and i’m losing too much weight but i’m just never hungry anymore. i attribute almost every physical sensation in my body to sickness and i’m so hyper aware of my body that i interpret everything as nausea.

it’s been manageable in the past but it’s starting to affect my daily life. i had to break up with my girlfriend because my panic attacks were getting too bad. my parents and friends are tired of dealing with my constant neuroticisms and panic attacks. i started missing class because of the panic attacks and i don’t want my grades to drop. i have to cancel plans with my friends a lot too. i can still eat at restaurants but it’s getting a lot harder. what’s worse is sometimes the anxiety gets so bad that i’ll go into a depressive episode that’ll last for a week where i can barely get out of bed and nothing makes me happy. i’ve considered hurting myself again in hopes that it would help. haven’t done anything yet, but i’ve thought about it a lot. i would cut off all my fingers and toes if it would get rid of this phobia. i just want to live my life again. i just want to go through my day without the constant paralyzing fear that i or someone around me might get sick. i’m so so so tired. i don’t think i’ve ever been this tired. i want my life back.

i’m going back to therapy and working on my med dosage and trying to fight through the panic. i’ve beaten this before and i know i’ll beat it again, it just feels really hopeless sometimes. and i just want some peace and some rest and to not be consumed by fear all the time. and i know it’s up to me to make that happen but i’m just so exhausted. i’m tired of fighting. i’ll fight anyway, though, because i can’t live like this anymore. i just wish it wasn’t so hard.
 
A

aisha23

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 29, 2019
Messages
395
Location
UK
Emetopobia is a fear of vomiting in public. You should consult a specialist. The specialist will recommend you appropriate treatment.

thanks for posting this. I actually didn't know what it was

always good to widen your knolledge
 
lonelymoonchild

lonelymoonchild

Member
Joined
Jan 7, 2020
Messages
10
Location
Canada
I also have this phobia but mine is actually getting better, as I get older. I wish I knew why I would love to help you if I could.
 
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