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Embarrassment and shame from episode

A

Arthur walls

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Joined
Jan 20, 2021
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4
Location
Los Angeles
I had an episode last summer which lasted 3 months. IT all started from smoking weed which eventually led me to drinking and in turn I fell into psychosis. I ended up in jail for five months. The embarrassing things I did on social media and words I have said to friend me and family are unforgivable. I became a monster and eventually homeless I am now dealing with the repercussions. Feeling lonely and depressed, ruined relationships and tons of humiliation from the public forum I put myself out in while being incessant and erratic on social media. I was acting like a 5 year old. It’s turkey a progressive disorder and I have never had this happen to this extent before. When I am sober I don’t experience mania. I have 5 months clean now and never will touch a substance again. I take lamictal and am hoping this phase of depression shame and embarrassment will fade. However the damage has been done. Please let me know who else can relate. Thanks. Ps new to this site
 
UpnDwn1978

UpnDwn1978

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Jun 16, 2020
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Hi Arthur welcome to the forum :welcome:

I'm sorry for what you've been through and the shame you feel. I'v done similar things when I'm hypo and had a really bad episode when I went full mania that lasted for nearly a yer. That was 20 years ago but the experience still haunts me today. I said and did so many horrible things to my friends and people I love. I am glad you've decided to not take any substances anymore, that's a mature and wise decision that can be very hard to make. My embarrassment has faded and I've learned to live with my mistakes. People are more willing to forget and forgive than we give them credit for most of the time. I also take lamictal and it has helped me tremendously, I hope it will for you to. take care and best wishes.

M
 
A

Arthur walls

New member
Joined
Jan 20, 2021
Messages
4
Location
Los Angeles
Hi Arthur welcome to the forum :welcome:

I'm sorry for what you've been through and the shame you feel. I'v done similar things when I'm hypo and had a really bad episode when I went full mania that lasted for nearly a yer. That was 20 years ago but the experience still haunts me today. I said and did so many horrible things to my friends and people I love. I am glad you've decided to not take any substances anymore, that's a mature and wise decision that can be very hard to make. My embarrassment has faded and I've learned to live with my mistakes. People are more willing to forget and forgive than we give them credit for most of the time. I also take lamictal and it has helped me tremendously, I hope it will for you to. take care and best wishes.

M
Thanks so much for the kind words. Bipolar people are sensitive and it shows when we’re stable how caring we can be and empathetic. I hope I do get forgiven but the embarrassment is crazy. I got unfollowed by close friends and blocked by many. I acted like a five year old. Crazy what takes over. And the cruel things I said to others offline was awful. I’m depressed but can only try my best from here. Sending love to you all

x
 
J

JonJon9696

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Joined
Jan 22, 2021
Messages
3
Location
italy
Hi arthur
i get your experience i deleted all the socials because all the dumb things i said i dont even wanna ever think about it anymore after i got out from my first mania started for heavy use of weed i used to be addicted now im clean from like a year my solution is to literally go in another continent and start a new life im happy with that because all my "friend" werent friends in the first place and literally only my mom helped me nobodyelse came to help me or support me when i was down i still have a trial on because of some charges i got in a episode i hope to win i thought about killing myself a couple of times. when i used to meet people expectially when i was fresh from the instution i thought in the back of my mind this dude is laughing about me this fuking kid gonna say dumb shit behind my back (this thoughts in the back in my head are a bad beast)the pride is a hard pill to swallow at least for me i can only say you are not the only one and you got to figure it out the only thing to do is going forward looking back in these years i understood how much time i waste on dumb things and relied too much on weed literally was the first thing i thought the morning and last the night i got a too addictive personality now i just smoke cigs i dont drink either (sorry for my grammar)
 
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