- Jul 10, 2014
I hate hanging out with people. I always do something to f*** it up and people hate me. My hubby is very sociable and outgoing so he likes to go out with friends / family quite a bit. He has been getting annoyed with the fact that I never go out with him or go downstairs while company is here so I've decided to step out of my comfort zone and try to socialize with his friends. Things were going well and I really get along with his friends gf. We were talking about whether bringing up past relationships was okay because they tend to start fights. I put in my opinion saying that I don't think it is right because I don't like to think of you with someone else . He was like I don't bring up past relationships and I was like yes you do.. all the time. I was like yesterday you were talking about sexcapades with your ex and seemed really excited about it. He flipped on me and was like why would you even tell people that?? He went downstairs yelling. There was an awkward silence while everyone kind of twiddled their thumbs. He came back upstairs and apologized but I went into a panic and ran downstairs. I couldn't stop crying. I am soo embarrased and feel like such a retard. I always do or say something stupid to piss someone off. I hate myself. I am such an embarrassment. I just want someone to shoot me. I shouldn't have brought up our relationship problems. I don't think I can ever face anyone again. This was so traumatizing. I feel so horrible. It is hard enough to be social then add a meltdown to it.. it's unbearable. I feel so stupid.. I'm such a f***ing retard. My personality is less than desirable.. I've gained fifty pounds so not feeling so hot .. I don't feel worth it. I feel like he could do so much better and do not understand why he is with me. I am a horrible person who deserves to be alone. I don't know why I opened up and let him in. I should have known it wouldn't last. I always do something to piss someone off. He said he loves me and is not planning on leaving me so quit crying and love me. I do love him .. him and my son take up my whole heart. I loved him before we even started dating (we met a little over three years before we started dating). At first it was hard .. being so antisocial.. but we became friends. He was and is all I think about . I just want his friends and family to like me . He has never flipped like thaf in front of company. I am so embarrassed. They all must hate me for being so retarded and bringing that up. I am a horrible person. I should have known I would get hurt in the end. ..