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ECT Treatment #1

B

Borderline

Guest
I had my first ECT treatment on Monday. The treatment itself wasn't bad, but I got horribly sick from the anesthetic. I woke up with a pounding headache, and I later learned that I had pissed myself during the induced seizure (whee!). If you don't empty your bladder completely, it's bound to happen, even if you follow the 12 hour no drink/eat rule.

I asked for Bilateral ECT, but they gave me Unilateral. Bilateral causes more memory loss but is more effective. Unilateral causes little if any memory loss, but is less effective. However, they said they're using a new technique that makes Unilateral as effective as Bilateral.

I don't feel all that different yet, but I have 3 more treatments to go.
 
KP1

KP1

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Apr 4, 2008
Messages
1,500
If you don't mind keep us informed about it. Did you have the treatment as an out patient and were you able/allowed to get yourself home??. I asked for this treatment once but then didn't push for it.
KP
 
B

Borderline

Guest
I had my 2nd treatment on Wednesday. It was as an outpatient. I live with my folks and they drove me home. My next treatment is Friday, and my last is on Monday. They may schedule more treatment for me afterward.

So far it's not having a tremendous effect. I still feel that there is no point to life, and I see fantasize about dying. The feelings are not as deep, but they are still there. I've been hoping that I would die during the procedure, but that's not likely to happen.

The procedure itself isn't that bad, if anyone was thinking of going that route. I have no memory loss whatsoever. I threw up and emptied my bladder the first time around, but they've been giving me something since then, and I just feel groggy from the anesthetic.
 
B

Borderline

Guest
I've had my 3rd treatment. I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that this isn't going to work. I really wish there was a place in society where people can end their life early, with dignity and understanding. The thought of living another 50 years is terrifying to me.

I would like to donate my body parts to people less fortunate.
 
keepsafe

keepsafe

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Joined
Dec 15, 2008
Messages
13,623
How many more treatments? It may take more time - I don;t know is it meant to work straight away.
Thinking about the next 50 years is a mighty big thing for anyone.
Just try to think about the here and now and getting through your treatment.
KS
:hug:
 
B

Borderline

Guest
I have one more treatment to go, but will likely have more scheduled after I meet with my psychiatrist. ECT has not doing much of anything for me so far. It's supposed to have done something by now. I had a breakdown today which was easily as bad as anything I've ever experienced. Just pure crying and sobbing. I'm sick of having this aching hole in my stomach, these deep feelings of detachment and despair.

Depression exists on both sides of my family, and I got the worst of it. I believe I have a terminal case of it. The only thing that's making me hesitate on suicide is the possibility of being left crippled or brain damaged if it fails.
 
R

ramboghettouk

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Jan 7, 2008
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16,795
Location
london
It must be 30yrs since i had ect, i accepted it as i thought it'd kill me by altering my personality tooo much sf, i didn't telll anyone that

I heard that in some hospitals "Abroad" they give it because it works quicker than antidepressants and saves on the hospital bill

I don't know if it helped, it may have lifted the depression but i still have nightmares about it, cure, well i'm still in the psychiatric system
 
A

Annie

Member
Joined
Jan 30, 2009
Messages
10
Location
Worcester Park Surrey
I havent had ect myself but have several friends who have tried it and I think with most of the people I know, it can take 6 or more sessions before it has any affect. Hang on in there and try to take one day at a time. I will be thinking of you
 
B

Borderline

Guest
I hope you're right, and thanks. I've heard rumors that ECT is a sham, and after 3 treatments with no change, I was beginning to think they were right.
 
Q

quality factor

Guest
Hi boderline,
I know it's hard but try and relax a little. I get the impression that you are pinning everything on the ECT, you must give it time. If you are advised to have more sessions then they must feel it might help you.
I had two lots of 5 sessions four years ago and it wasn't for me, but at least I gave it a try.
Depression is a difficult thing to conquer you must try and always have hope. Hoping to die during the treatment, makes me feel that at the moment you are quite desperate. Just think how everybody who knows you will feel if you sH.
I have suffered from depression on and off for many years, there have been bad times and there are good times....you have to make the most of the good times and I'm sure there will be those times to enjoy.
SH is final, there's no coming back, unless of course it all goes wrong, and the consequences have already been mentioned.
Take care and keep posting.
Q.F.
 
B

Borderline

Guest
My immediate family would be heartbroken for a time if I killed myself, but I've already discussed that possibility with them on numerous occasions in an attempt to prepare them. I told them to think of my condition as a terminal illness. I am doing everything I can to treat it, but in the end, I refuse to live in perpetual suffering. It's unfair and selfish to expect anyone to live like that to avoid temporary anguish for others.

If ECT fails, there is a very high chance I'll kill myself.
 
B

Borderline

Guest
I had my 4th treatment today. No improvement. Does ECT treatment have a cumulative effect or is it just a roll of the dice each time? I'm probably going to have to have the full 12. They refuse to give me Bilateral, even though I specifically request it.

I WANT the memory loss. If I could lose a year or more of my life, I would be in a MUCH better place than I am now. :cry:
 
ms_P

ms_P

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Jul 21, 2008
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3,067
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BeNeLux
I wish I could advise you, Borderline. I'm not eligible for ECT because I have too much brain damage already from o.d.'s and coma.

I hope it helps you in the longrun. Good luck. :)
 
Q

quality factor

Guest
Hi Borderline,

I suggest you 'google' ECT and find out about it to satisfy the questions you pose.

Personally, large chunks of my memory have disappeared. The memories tend to have gone from the previous few years prior to ECT, but I have also found that my memory in general has become poorer...whether this could be down to 'old age' I don't know!! Unfortunately memories that I would like to have recalled have gone too.

Obviously they feel that you might benefit from the full 12 sessions. Mine had to be cut short for medical reasons which has had an on-going effect on me, but that was an unusual occurrence

Take care, keep posting. QF.
 
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