Eating disorder?

[lyla]

I have always had a problem with food. I'm not skinny, I'm 5"4 and weigh about 11 stone 7. Over the last couple of years I have had some issues surrounding depression etc. My weight went down to about 10 stone. Now as I'm getting over the depression I have put on weight again

I have started hating myself for eating. I feel good if I dont eat but I can never keep it up, and have started to get depressed again because I'm eating too much. I hate myself for getting this way again. I have started drinking again by myself and wanting to self harm.

I made the desision to stop taking the drugs they made me take to combat the depression, they wernt doing anything. I came out the otherside by myself... but I don't want to slip back in.

Its a crazy mixture of wanting to be better, but knowing that when I was 'ill' I liked my body so much more.

Hmmmm not really sure where I was heading with this post.... keeps me occupied I suppose!

Lyla
x

 

[Fartoolong]

Hi Lila,

I can totally see where you are coming from. You sound a lot like myself in some ways.
I'm 5"3, and my normal weight is around 11 stone. I do go down to about 10 stone, and that's my skinny weight. At the moment, i've put on a lot of weight and i'm really unhappy with it. It's caused my depression to spiral out of control!

I used to go through phases (when I was in the depths of my ED) when I loved it if I could skip a meal. I loved the pains in my belly, crying out that I was hungry. It made me proud that I was able to do that! BUT that is really unhealthy and not a very good way to loose weight AT ALL.

You clearly have issues with your body/image, and that is part of having an eating disorder.
Have you spoken to your doctor about your concerns?

Lxxx

 

[Summer]

I agree, you should tell someone how you feel.
You don't have to be emaciated to suffer with an eating disorder, weight is just a symptom of a much bigger underlying issue. As they say, prevention is better than cure

Having been there myself, I can definitely understand the comfort it brings, skipping meals, becoming a calorie expert, it helps by finding something else to focus your attention on rather than all the other problems you might have going on in your life. But it's very temporary, and it causes way way more problems than it solves. It's so easy to slip in to, and incredibly hard to pull yourself out of it.

 

[SilentTears]

Yup, know how you feel. When I was at my worst depression wise, I was also at my skinniest (through binging, purging & starving). I was thrilled by my weight loss, but I was also feeling really bad about myself (considered suicide), and my need to be skinnier was getting worse - I was convinced I was huge, even though I wasn't, wouldn't go to social events cause I'd have to make excuses not to eat, would exercise until I passed out etc. My depression was fuelling my eating disorder, and vice versa.

Part of why it felt so good for me was it because it felt like I was controlling something, and I got a huge sense of accomplishment. But then I started taking up extra classes and doing volunteer work (I'm learning BSL, doing work with St John Ambulance, working at a special need's school etc). It really helps doing things like that - is there any way you could do something like that?

And of course I'd recommend exercise (though not an excessive amount - maybe 30 minutes a day or so?)

Hope this is of some use to you!

 

[mintu]

 

[kathrina]

Lyla hun,

Please speak to your doctor about this before you get any worse. I know what you're saying here too. You will need help to sort this out though, I know this from experience.

Take Care hun,




Kathrina

 

[MissDavis]

...

Hi Lyla,
I'm experiencing something similar myself...
I'm 5ft 6in and the lowest my weight has ever been was 9st which was because of depression I seemed to lose my appetite.
However I'm feeling depressed again and have put on a huge ammount of weight from 'comfort eating' and generally bingeing on food when I feel down.
I recently signed up to see a dietician who I've explained my problem to and she's given me a diet plan.
This gives me something to concentrate on and stops me feeling as fed up with myself.
I've also started exercising more as this is proven to make you feel better aswell,
Just wanted to let you know theres others that feel the same as you
Good luck hun x

 

[summerstars]

i'm around the same weight/height. just because we're not underweight though, it doesn't mean we're any less ill. it's difficult to want to seek/accept help when i dont see myself as anywhere near thin enough. i regularly switch between bingeing and starving myself and i regularly use diet pills.
take care <3 i'm here if you need anyone to talk to.

 

[lyla]

Hey again,

Thanks for all the replys. Things were going good for a while, but its creeping up on me all over again. My weight went right up from comfort eating and bingeing, so then i started to completely control everything I was eating. This has been going on for weeks now, I control it, then i slip up and binge. I hate myself for it.

Do you ever feel that everything will sort itself out if you could be skinny again?

I honestly don't know what to do. I want to stop, but at the same time I don't. I want to talk to someone about it, but i don't want anyone I care about knowing!


Hmmm these things just never go away, they are always there hiding under the surface!

Thanks again,

Lyla
x

 

[coraline1664]

I used to feel that everything would be ok if my appearance changed. I used to suffer from BDD and would carry a small mirror around and look in it about 20+ times a day and try and keep my face at certain angles and avoid certain lighting- it had got really bad. A couple of years later I looked completely different, but the extra confidence I gained from it was temporary, and my insecurities moved onto the next thing.
The damage comes from inside, and the nagging voice will always try and find something to moan about. What you need to do is give that voice the boot and genuinely re-teach yourself that you are fine as you are and don't have to look any other way.
Looks are really as simple as that- looks. Try to nuture your body instead of hurting it and follow your interests and talents, that is how you will feel good. Losing weight should be for health reasons rather than appearance. I never like the look of those catwalk models, I just see people who are ill, conditioned and consumed by vanity. Merely shadows.

It will be hard work, but worth it.

Lots of luck,

Liz x