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Easy to make a BPD feel worthless?

U

Until

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Feb 11, 2020
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141
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uk
i wonder if other people feel the same as I do.

I have been really careful during lockdown, I get to see my nephew for the first time in 4 months and his mother (my brothers wife) let me hold him, i was wearing a face mask and then gave him back to her when he started crying.

Later I got closer to him when he had stopped crying, i was still wearing a face mask and I said can have another hold of him if he doesn't cry and she said no, we don't want people to hold him. (I was still wearing a mask) this make me feel like i am hated and not wanted and worthless.

Does anyone else feel like this sometimes and what makes you feel this way.
 
Z

Zoroz

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Jul 12, 2020
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29
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California
i wonder if other people feel the same as I do.

I have been really careful during lockdown, I get to see my nephew for the first time in 4 months and his mother (my brothers wife) let me hold him, i was wearing a face mask and then gave him back to her when he started crying.

Later I got closer to him when he had stopped crying, i was still wearing a face mask and I said can have another hold of him if he doesn't cry and she said no, we don't want people to hold him. (I was still wearing a mask) this make me feel like i am hated and not wanted and worthless.

Does anyone else feel like this sometimes and what makes you feel this way.
Yes I have felt the same before. I don’t take it as serious anymore... because a long time ago I realized I can’t fix the world. Now there is so much pain and suffering everywhere you look with islands of happiness and security. The whole world seems upside down at the moment... have as much confidence in yourself as you can, you are worth it and deserve respect and compassion. On the other side of it... These are scary times especially for new parents... news keeps saying new things that can happen to children with Covid and to avoid contact etc...
 
U

Until

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Joined
Feb 11, 2020
Messages
141
Location
uk
I feel like I had confidence with being careful for the last few months and I know Covid-19 is more likely in adult than child.

i was upset because i was being careful with mask and had not seen nephew in months, then felt dismissed and worthless I don't know, but why let me hold him then 10 minutes later say no.
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

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May 25, 2020
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3,669
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England
I can totally understand why you felt upset. It does not really make sense to allow you to hold your nephew and then refuse a bit later on. I am sorry that has happened. It is so easy to make us feel worthless because we already feel worthless. Then when we are shown it by people it reinforces our belief and makes us feel so sad. I really am sorry this happened to you.
 
O

Orphanannie89

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Apr 25, 2020
Messages
105
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PR25
I really understand how you feel. People do not think before they talk. I recall 2 examples of this.

I was having a bad time and I text my brother in law and his wife because I felt I had upset them. I got a text back but it didnt come across well and later when my husband was talking to me he said that his brother and his wife have said if I send another text like that they are going to ignore it. Not a great choice of words.

Another time in my place of work. I arrived in the morning and started setting up the classroom ready for the day. We had a few members of staff in our department and they were all talking, bitching about everyone. I didnt get involved and carried on busying myself and filling up the boxes with resources for the children. Another member of staff said to me "can I help you are always rushing around" at which point the class teacher turned to me and said, rather abruptly, "What are you doing?" I felt so small.

Both times made me feel so worthless, but I've learned that people dont understand so I won't talk to them about it and also I was doing what made me content and I shouldn't have to justify myself. The class teacher does not work there anymore, neither do I for that matter but I dont want to be part of a team that has to put others down.

Embrace what makes you feel good. It is incredibly hard as I am currently trying this but be your wonderful self and let the little people get on with it. We love beyond limits and there is nothing wrong with that. It is others who are losing out.
 
G

Girl interupted

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Nov 17, 2018
Messages
2,123
You are doing emotional reasoning. It’s something very common for those of us with bpd.


From what you described it could be any number of reasons why they did that, and not in reaction to you personally.

Try to determine the facts. At that later time were any other people holding him?

Any time you encounter something like this, do your best to determine strictly the facts, not attributing emotions, to help you differentiate and self soothe.
 
U

Until

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 11, 2020
Messages
141
Location
uk
I can totally understand why you felt upset. It does not really make sense to allow you to hold your nephew and then refuse a bit later on. I am sorry that has happened. It is so easy to make us feel worthless because we already feel worthless. Then when we are shown it by people it reinforces our belief and makes us feel so sad. I really am sorry this happened to you.
It's so hard isn't it, when I feel like this then someone says something that I feel is unjustified it makes me feel bad about myself even more, I was having a good day before this. Thanks for your understanding.
 
U

Until

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 11, 2020
Messages
141
Location
uk
I really understand how you feel. People do not think before they talk. I recall 2 examples of this.

I was having a bad time and I text my brother in law and his wife because I felt I had upset them. I got a text back but it didnt come across well and later when my husband was talking to me he said that his brother and his wife have said if I send another text like that they are going to ignore it. Not a great choice of words.

Another time in my place of work. I arrived in the morning and started setting up the classroom ready for the day. We had a few members of staff in our department and they were all talking, bitching about everyone. I didnt get involved and carried on busying myself and filling up the boxes with resources for the children. Another member of staff said to me "can I help you are always rushing around" at which point the class teacher turned to me and said, rather abruptly, "What are you doing?" I felt so small.

Both times made me feel so worthless, but I've learned that people dont understand so I won't talk to them about it and also I was doing what made me content and I shouldn't have to justify myself. The class teacher does not work there anymore, neither do I for that matter but I dont want to be part of a team that has to put others down.

Embrace what makes you feel good. It is incredibly hard as I am currently trying this but be your wonderful self and let the little people get on with it. We love beyond limits and there is nothing wrong with that. It is others who are losing out.
I feel misunderstood sometimes, or actually a lot. I am doing a good thing then someone says something that makes me feel like I am not and that I am wrong.

It is often in the way they say it. Like she did it was in a horrible way, if she was nicer about it I wouldn't have felt so bad but it was cutting and I was upset because why not say something before I held him the first time in a nice way. So I can understand how you felt too, you felt you were doing a good thing by being prepared and someone makes a horrible comment to you about it.. which is rude and uncalled for. How I felt.
 
C

Char3

Active member
Joined
Mar 1, 2020
Messages
33
Location
Essex
I feel like this a lot, it feels personal. Plus the way someone says something may also remind you of being a child and being told off or told ‘no’ and feeling humiliated. Hate this feeling so much!
 
T

Turtles96

Guest
Its only human nature to protect your children. If I were a parent, i would not consider other peoples feelings, because my child is more important.
 
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