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Nov 23, 2021
Milky Way
i have bipolar. I think i just got dumped by a girl and im so confused and so sad.

We we're talking online for a year and everything was great. I was showing her my normal everyday shitty self and she seemed to like it. She sounded like she was just as broken as me so she accepted me. i had no emotions and no confidence but she seemed fine with that. she seemed to like it.

but then she stopped replying so i assumed she finally got sick of the shitty lame messages i would send her. so i let her go. i didnt try and stalk her or anything.

then later while i was studying some new information on youtube trying to better myself my mind started to go through some very radical changes for the better. it was great. i felt like i finally ripped out the root cause of my anxiety. i finally found the information that was able to help and transform me, and there was a chain reaction of positive changes happening in my mind for the better. i felt like a new man.

then a month later she wrote me back. i guess she was only gone because of a family emergency. she didnt actually dump me. her grandfather was dying and she had to move. so we started talking again and everything was better than ever! we were talking lots again and things were great. absense makes the heart grow fonder. i felt so different and so much more confident. i wanted to show her my new confidence. i wanted her to have a confident man. not some looser like i was before.

so i was acting much different towards her. i wanted to show her my feelings for her. that i loved her. and show her my new confidence. i wanted her to have a real man who was capable of love and confidence. not some loser like i used to be.

but everything backfired and im so confused. she started to pull away more and more telling me she didnt want this escalation of feelings, that she liked the old me. i didnt understand, it didnt make sense. why would she like that looser? i am so much better for her now. so pushed forward. i showed even more feeling and more confidence. i was teasing her a bit. i thought she would laugh. but she got very very angry and exploded at me and said so many hurtful things. like she hated me. and now she wont reply. and i feel soooooooo sad. i feel like i just lost, and hurt, the woman i love.

and if she doesnt write back i will never get to tell her that i did all that for her. i thought she would be happier. but now i have just added more pain to her life. and she thinks im some kind of crazy asshole.

im so confused. and so sad. im not used to having all this emotion. i never felt this love before or this sadness. and its so overwhealming.

i just want her to know i did it all for her.
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