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Drunk, high and depressed, all of the time

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Downandout88

New member
Joined
Nov 21, 2020
Messages
2
Location
Troy, NY, USA
Hey, thanks for reading. I'm 32, I'm currently living at my Mother's house, I love her more than anything and she's dealt with more that I can imagine (and has done so without ever being an addict) but I can't stand to be home, in fact I'm ashamed to even be around her. From the money I owe her from various loans and bills she's paid, to the construction projects I've started and haven't finished in the house (I'm a contractor), not to mention I haven't paid for any bills in months including the taxes.

So instead of going home after work, and I work 7 days a week, I go to the bar, get a buzz and then buy coke, stay up half the night doing blow and drinking, get a ride home and go to work miserable and hungover.

Every single time I tell myself I have to stop but two days later like clockwork, (the next day I usually just go right to my room after work and lay down) I'm right back at it.

I've dealt with depression and anxiety most of life, but this is the worst it's ever been. I'm scared. I have suicidal thoughts constantly but I don't actually want to kill myself. I'm ashamed, I'm embarrassed, I'm sad but I never cry. I tune everything out. I don't know what to do next.. I need help
 
ht46

ht46

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
955
Location
Earth
Hi, sorry for your troubles you might find the addiction forum or seeking drug and alcohol counselling services helpful. I've reduced my drinking over the past few months to going two days without a week small progress but it's better than nothing and I do feel better but I'm not trying to lecture you like I'm perfect. If you can find a little enjoyment through week without relying on substance I find it helps, I focus on the little things looking out the window, relaxing, reading book, instead having a coffee or tea which helps me drink a wee bit less.
 
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always thirsty

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 12, 2020
Messages
87
Location
colorado
bro, i just joined a week or two ago. go post in the depression forum. we kinda just post back n forth to each other and it feels good. i'm in a similar situation. not the coke but the booze. it's like a see saw huh?... you tell yourself you aint gonna then it calls out to you. well all i can tell you is in my case it really is a see saw bc i have a kid half the time and i've been unemployed for months due to 2020. so when he's not here i tend to get drunk by myself, then when he is here i don't touch it. luckily he's here for a week straight until thanksgiving due to school break so maybe after a week sober i might feel like i'm over it and break the cycle.

so that's my story, not a carbon copy of yours but i'll be over there in the depression forum. just start a thread and i'll get in on it. its just good to vent. i've had a few long term benders in my life but god this year....longest one of my life.
 
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Downandout88

New member
Joined
Nov 21, 2020
Messages
2
Location
Troy, NY, USA
Hi, sorry for your troubles you might find the addiction forum or seeking drug and alcohol counselling services helpful. I've reduced my drinking over the past few months to going two days without a week small progress but it's better than nothing and I do feel better but I'm not trying to lecture you like I'm perfect. If you can find a little enjoyment through week without relying on substance I find it helps, I focus on the little things looking out the window, relaxing, reading book, instead having a coffee or tea which helps me drink a wee bit less.
Thank you , I'll look into the other forms
 
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Debaura500

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 10, 2020
Messages
189
Location
London
Well I didn't mean to belittle you. I'm a mum and sometimes I can be bossy sorry x
 
T

Thiswaythatway

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 26, 2019
Messages
227
Location
Uk
@Downandout88 I hope things improve for you soon. A lot of the aimlessness you appear to feel is sadly common. Professional help is a must I would say.

I am not sure what the definition of "grown up" is but admitting to suffering, to having a problem and reaching out are 2 indicators you are in fact a grown up.
 
R

Ray53

Member
Joined
Nov 22, 2020
Messages
24
Location
Oxford
Hey, thanks for reading. I'm 32, I'm currently living at my Mother's house, I love her more than anything and she's dealt with more that I can imagine (and has done so without ever being an addict) but I can't stand to be home, in fact I'm ashamed to even be around her. From the money I owe her from various loans and bills she's paid, to the construction projects I've started and haven't finished in the house (I'm a contractor), not to mention I haven't paid for any bills in months including the taxes.

So instead of going home after work, and I work 7 days a week, I go to the bar, get a buzz and then buy coke, stay up half the night doing blow and drinking, get a ride home and go to work miserable and hungover.

Every single time I tell myself I have to stop but two days later like clockwork, (the next day I usually just go right to my room after work and lay down) I'm right back at it.

I've dealt with depression and anxiety most of life, but this is the worst it's ever been. I'm scared. I have suicidal thoughts constantly but I don't actually want to kill myself. I'm ashamed, I'm embarrassed, I'm sad but I never cry. I tune everything out. I don't know what to do next.. I need help
Hi. Sounds just like me in the 90,s.
Have you spoke with doc?
I recommend you do. It's the best start in getting back control.
If you would like a mate to chat to I would be happy to chat away.
Now 21 years free from cocaine but still struggling with my PTSD and addictive nature.
X
 
GhostOfLenin

GhostOfLenin

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 16, 2020
Messages
3,321
Location
Glasgow
Thanks, that was super helpful. In fact that was life changing, I'm going to wake up tomorrow and my life is going to be exactly where it needs to be.

Honestly though, why are you on this site? Do you get enjoyment from belittling people?

Yes I'm addicted! Yes I need to change, that's why I'm reaching out you prick
Hey, thanks for reading. I'm 32, I'm currently living at my Mother's house, I love her more than anything and she's dealt with more that I can imagine (and has done so without ever being an addict) but I can't stand to be home, in fact I'm ashamed to even be around her. From the money I owe her from various loans and bills she's paid, to the construction projects I've started and haven't finished in the house (I'm a contractor), not to mention I haven't paid for any bills in months including the taxes.

So instead of going home after work, and I work 7 days a week, I go to the bar, get a buzz and then buy coke, stay up half the night doing blow and drinking, get a ride home and go to work miserable and hungover.

Every single time I tell myself I have to stop but two days later like clockwork, (the next day I usually just go right to my room after work and lay down) I'm right back at it.

I've dealt with depression and anxiety most of life, but this is the worst it's ever been. I'm scared. I have suicidal thoughts constantly but I don't actually want to kill myself. I'm ashamed, I'm embarrassed, I'm sad but I never cry. I tune everything out. I don't know what to do next.. I need help
Youve fallen into the trap that unfortunately gets alot of us. Im an addict myself and know how hard it is to break that day to day cycle. You are aware of it and the damage its doing so your already on the right road. Took me years to address my addiction. Its not going to change overnight but try get a win to begin with whereever you can. A day off it all is a win. Make a plan on how your going to start coming off it and stick to that best you can. Small victories here and there will turn into you breaking the cycle eventuality.
 
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