Drugs have taken me prisoner

Poppy12

Poppy12

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#1
I don't know if I'm posting in the right place - I'm diagnosed schizoaffective and have anxiety, depression and PTSD too. My problem relates to the medication i'm on. I take 20mg olanzapine, 120mg duloxetine, and am coming off lamotrigine. I also take Phenergan and lactulose.

I'm scared of all the meds I'm on - specifically the antipsychotics and antidepressants. I've been on them for years and I'm really scared about what they will maybe do to my brain over the long term. I'm currently coming off lamotrigine and finding that really difficult. I'm scared if I try to come off the others I'll become depressed and go totally psychotic with lots of flashbacks to the abuse I endured as a child. I really don't want to go back there. In addition there is the thorny question of benefits. I really don't feel well enough to work but if I come off any meds I could be seen as recovered even if actually I get worse. It just doesn't stand me in good stead.

Anybody got any insights that maybe I'm overlooking here?
 
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misssadness

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#2
I understand your concerns about the long term use of medication but if they suppress flash backs and other traumatic symptoms I would just carry on taking them. I am on amisulpride and laprofamine and both cause terrible constipation so I have to take two other meds for that but I would much rather deal with that then my awful symptoms. If I were in your position I would not even think about a life without medication as it will mean your symptoms will be so difficult to deal with. :hug1:
 
Poppy12

Poppy12

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#4
I understand your concerns about the long term use of medication but if they suppress flash backs and other traumatic symptoms I would just carry on taking them. I am on amisulpride and laprofamine and both cause terrible constipation so I have to take two other meds for that but I would much rather deal with that then my awful symptoms. If I were in your position I would not even think about a life without medication as it will mean your symptoms will be so difficult to deal with. :hug1:
I suppose your right misssadness I'm just scared of what they might do to me. I know someone who has tardive dyskinesia from long term use of antipsychotics and it is totally disabling for him. As you know it's chemically induced Parkinsons and he's in a right mess, so he is. But on the plus side I am somewhat stable or else I was till I decided to ditch the lamotrigine. I'm sure I'll settle down after that in the next few weeks though. I just hate being so reliant on medication. Illogical I know.
 
Poppy12

Poppy12

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#5
i think it's individual & complex. Seems wise to use medications at best minimum.
It is complex - very much so. However I'm on very heavy doses - the maximum for both olanzapine and duloxetine. I'm wondering if they need to be so high.
 
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ramboghettouk

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#6
i've got a friend who if he isn't coming off meds is keeping it to a minimum in and out of hospital, i worryy that with a min come personal crisis it wouldn't hold me and what with my 93yr old mother
 
cpuusage

cpuusage

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#7
It is complex - very much so. However I'm on very heavy doses - the maximum for both olanzapine and duloxetine. I'm wondering if they need to be so high.
Probably Not - i think a wise/minimum amount of medication possible is best, & often more effective. Some people indeed heal, recover & transform things medication free.

IMO - If there was a more ideal system focused on more comprehensive psychological/social understandings/help/support, then far far less drugging would be needed. There is a great challenge in needing to humanise mental health services with far more humane & person centered approaches. i do Not agree with this primary approach of saying all non-ordinary states/distress is mental illness/a problem with the individual & their brain, & the best we have is a diagnosis & some drugs/ECT etc. Yes there is a place for a more comprehensive psychiatry & wise use of medications, & people are mentally ill, psychologically/emotionally disturbed in different ways & to different degrees - But i do very much think that things could be far better with general treatment.

A lot of how things are is reflective of general society, & there needs to be a social shift for a shift to occur within the system - i think it will take hundreds more years.

As individuals - we can only do what we can & our best with it all with what resources we have. i fought against it all & was very non-compliant - i have come to a place of acceptance of my diagnosis, condition, & medication. i have been able to maintain a very low dose of one medication long term, which all things considered is i think a success. i've used any & every opportunity for healing & recovery that i've been able to access & continue to do so. Complying with the system 'you' will usually end up on handfuls of psych drugs - that's the reality of it. i think some people realise the realities & potential downside of it all often far too late, if at all, long term being on these drugs creates a host of problems. The majority want & defend what we have & the current status quo.
 
Poppy12

Poppy12

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Probably Not - i think a wise/minimum amount of medication possible is best, & often more effective. Some people indeed heal, recover & transform things medication free...
Complying with the system 'you' will usually end up on handfuls of psych drugs - that's the reality of it. i think some people realise the realities & potential downside of it all often far too late, if at all, long term being on these drugs creates a host of problems. The majority want & defend what we have & the current status quo.

You've hit the nail on the head there CPU. I feel as if I've wised up to the situation a bit late in the day really. I'm looking at some very serious side effects (as well as the massive weight gain I've already experienced) in the next few years I fear - especially as my intake of these drugs so high. My creativity, appearance, ambition and sexuality have all taken massive hits already. Not good. To say the least.
 
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ramboghettouk

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#9
i agree there is a downside to taking meds you realise too late but assuming you could have come of drugs and been alright is an assumption, seeing neighbours try doesn't inspire me to think i could suceed and i am angry about what such neighbours have out me through, i've got enough isssues of my own without dealing with that
 
BillFish

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#10
I'm scared if I try to come off the others I'll become depressed and go totally psychotic with lots of flashbacks to the abuse I endured as a child. I really don't want to go back there.
I take meds to stop delusional thinking (delusional thinking), instead you have just stated that you take them as a chemical barrier against reality (reality). Why don't you find a competent therapist and and address and rationalize that reality.
 
Poppy12

Poppy12

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#11
Unfortunately I've had years of therapy from the most competent of therapists - this still didn't stop the distressing flashbacks. For years I just felt if only I had enough therapy then I would be free of them - it wasn't to be though. Plus I've had very damaging experiences of voice hearing which has sent me utterly psychotic. I believed it was the voice of God exhorting me to harm myself and others. It's all quite complex and very tricky to deal with.
 
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Dedus

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#12
I have been on Meds since I was 14, because of childhood abuse, I stated also taking any Meds I could get my hands on just to numb the senses, so I wouldn't have to think about the shit that happened, I also self harmed, and hurt myself in so many other ways, anyway bringing you all up to date , I am on 140 pills a week, 9 different types, all,high doses, and all,they do is comatose me, but I am so reliant on them I wouldn't know how to exist without them, I have tried reducing them but only ever lasted 2 days, then I get frightened of life I guess, and can't handle anything, I don't know what the answer is !!
 
Poppy12

Poppy12

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#13
I have been on Meds since I was 14, because of childhood abuse, I stated also taking any Meds I could get my hands on just to numb the senses, so I wouldn't have to think about the shit that happened, I also self harmed, and hurt myself in so many other ways, anyway bringing you all up to date , I am on 140 pills a week, 9 different types, all,high doses, and all,they do is comatose me, but I am so reliant on them I wouldn't know how to exist without them, I have tried reducing them but only ever lasted 2 days, then I get frightened of life I guess, and can't handle anything, I don't know what the answer is !!
Wow - 9 different meds! That's lots. Do you mind me asking what you're taking? I'm like you, I'm scared of life without them now. Its difficult isn't it.
 
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Dedus

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#14
Hi
Meds I am on are : diazepam 5mg 3 times a day
Quetiapine 100 mg 3 times a day
Bethahistine 8mg 3 times a day
Omeprazole 20 mg 4 times a day
Antenolol 100mg 3 times a day
Almogran 12.5 mg 4 times a day
 
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