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Downhill

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tornadoesofthoughts

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 29, 2014
Messages
46
Location
England
Hi everyone

Hope you are well.

I was just wondering if you could help and possibly over some advice.

I don't have an ED but over the past months I have noticed my eating habits have gone down hill....it's like I can recognise the bad thoughts but I can't stop them. I do have BPD and OCD which probably makes it worse.

I'm getting married in August. I am 2 stone overweight and I am terrified of not losing weight. I'm so scared of being overweight and not fitting into my dress. I eat healthy, but have started to restrict my calories and if I eat more I get so guilty and terrified and ashamed.

Before that (and still) I take [moderated] every couple of days. I know people say you can't lose weight from them but I still can't stop myself.

I've told my CPN about them and went through a chain of events. I text her about the restriction of calories as my Husband said it would be a good idea. I guess in a moment of clarity I see how bad I am getting but with the BPD I am very impulsive. It seems if I am not self harming I am doing something else.

I just feel a bit lost. I desperately want to lose weight, I think about it all the time. I was made to book an appointment with my GP. I just don't know what to say. All I do is think about weightloss....

I just feel like I am going so downhill and spiraling out of control. I'm terrified of eating food today.

I just feel like no one understands:(
 
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tornadoesofthoughts

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 29, 2014
Messages
46
Location
England
I spoke to my CPN today and she said I need to create a food diary. I also binged on pizza so terrified to eat for the next two days.... :(
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
Why did she suggest a food diary? Was it so that she could assess the situation?

Whilst personally I don't give a damn about my size, I do think it's natural for a lot of women to want to look their best on their wedding day.
You said it's in August.. you know, that gives you plenty of time to do things the sensible way. I really don't mean for that to sound condescending. :doh:

I know for me that when I make a decision to do something or make a goal, I feel very restless and want dramatic results as soon as possible.
But when it comes to something like weight loss, the steadier it is the better.
You are more likely to maintain the weight loss by doing things according to a sensible weight loss plan than if you were to crash diet or seriously restrict your intake.

I've done the whole restricting and then binging thing in the past, and it really doesn't get you anywhere.
How about doing something like weight watchers? You can always do it online if you don't fancy going to a weekly meeting.

Of course, I do also just want to say that i'm sure you are beautiful and that your partner clearly loves you the way you are.
I don't see that you need to lose weight at all, but understand if it's something you want to do for your own confidence.
 
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tornadoesofthoughts

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 29, 2014
Messages
46
Location
England
Thank you.

I think she wants to see how much I'm restricting. I text her today as I had pizza yesterday (boyfriend got it as a surprise) and I went over my planned intake and took things and made sure I had less than a certain amount

I don't feel like there is an issue as I'm not hungry but Im aware it's unhealthy behaviour...I feel in control whereas I've never felt in control before.

Everyone thinks I can't fit in the dress so I want to prove everyone wrong.

My GP gave me contact details for a charity that helps those with disorded eating...I'm terrified of going into hospital I now feel like I shouldn't tell my CPN.

I feel low tonight as my boyfriend isn't here he's away...I just feel stupid for mentioning it all to her....as if I didn't think it was a problem I shouldn't have mentioned it ?
 
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maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

ACCOUNT CLOSED
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Nov 25, 2014
Messages
4,861
im doing similar ATM... not gettingg married quite the opposite. I eat fruit and veg though mostly and try my best to avoid carbs as it means i can still eat and doing little and often as it speeds up metabolism I believe but I had a binge today and totally blew over[moderated] calories easy :( for me though food is the only control I feel I have in my life right now and I like to eat healthy so what I eat should be good and unprocessed. eeekk I'm rambling sorry :redface:
as SS said you can totally loose this by august, thats ages away. xx
 
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tornadoesofthoughts

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 29, 2014
Messages
46
Location
England
I feel the same, like its the only thing I can control. I text my CPN and just said I feel conflicted on how I should feel as eveyone is worried but I'm not, I feel happy I can control something.....I feel ashamed as everyone is upset and I'm not.
It's like there is two of me....one who sees with clarity and the other who doesn't care as I'm losing weight.
My dr said she is concerned. In clarity I can see why but I'm never hungry so don't see an issue with restricting.....if that makes sense...
 
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