• Hi. It’s great to see you. Welcome!

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life. Amongst our membership there is a wealth of expertise that has been developed through having to deal with mental health issues.

    We are an actively moderated forum with a team of experienced moderators. We also have a specialist safety team that works extra hard to keep the forum safe for visitors and members.

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

Down the Darkening Hole

D

DyingDragon6

Member
Joined
Sep 11, 2019
Messages
22
Location
United States
Ok, I'm a quick learner. I've been on a psychiatric ward a few times and there are people who have self-harmed. I've never understood why - until your explanation. No matter how low I've gotten (and I've gotten low), its not something I've considered.

You will find better people than me to talk to on this forum regarding that subject though.

You are obviously very smart, but regarding therapy would it help not to consider it as adversarial (I do at times), and actually challenge them to help you?
I think it's because when you go into therapy as a career choice you don't usually have to learn about the neuroscience behind things, you just learn how to identify, diagnose, and listen to people share their problems with you. Your job as a therapist is to not actually treat the chemical cause itself but to act as a source of outside assistance, a third opinion if you would. Your other job as a therapist is to offer advice that the patient may or may not choose to follow and to direct the patient to a psychiatrist who can prescribe medications that are supposed to be designed to stabilize whatever chemical inconsistencies that exist. Now psychiatrists on the other hand are required to not only have a master degree in psychology but also a doctorate in medical science which does require the taking of neuroscience courses while in college.

The only reason I know about the chemical side of psychology is because I took 4 courses geared towards neuroscience, chemistry, and medical science.
 
A

albagobragh

Well-known member
Joined
May 17, 2019
Messages
155
Location
UK
My grandfather got sick, I was the only person living with him. None of his 3 daughters nor his son, my father who was wheelchair bound, had the time to take care of and watch over him. He had developed dementia caused by the damage to his brain from his stroke back in 1998, it took roughly 10 years for the damage to really start to show itself.

I really had no time for college, even online courses. Originally I had planned to start college after graduating high school in 2011 but I had no money, I didn't qualify for financial aid because I was too young and because gramps had too much money, and gramps himself refused to fund college for me. Until he changed his mind in 2015. I did most of the basic courses for the first year, then started the psychology courses. As gramps kept going in and out of the hospital I didn't have the same amount of time to be a full time student so for the next two years I was part time. Then in 2016 my aunt convinced my grandfather to stop funding my college courses so I had to try for financial aid again which I did get. Then she convinced him I wanted to take the fall semester off instead of only the summer semesters off. I did spring and fall, usually skipping summer and winter because gramps would always end up in the hospital during the summer, kind of like clockwork really, and winters we get a crap ton of snow and I would have to take care of it myself. In 2017 things got worse with gramps and I ended up having to stay home full time to care fore him. I barely ate, barely slept, barely took care of myself really, because he needed me more than I needed to care for myself.

Good grief, that's tough going. Aside from the financial hardship you are enduring , is there any prospect you can finish the course? In my view, someone who lives it and breathes it would make the finest psychologist.
 
D

DyingDragon6

Member
Joined
Sep 11, 2019
Messages
22
Location
United States
I forgot to add that despite the acts of self-harm I "partake" in, the damage done is never enough to warrent the attention of medical staff at a hospital, I also take great care to keep items and myself as sterile as possible. These acts are not life threatening nor will they end up become permanent, I've made sure of that in all possible ways. I do not actually hate myself until to truly damage myself to point that the damage is irreparable, I want my body to heal. The part I'm addicted to is the almost medical procedures and steps I use before and after the acts of self-harm.
 
A

albagobragh

Well-known member
Joined
May 17, 2019
Messages
155
Location
UK
I think it's because when you go into therapy as a career choice you don't usually have to learn about the neuroscience behind things, you just learn how to identify, diagnose, and listen to people share their problems with you. Your job as a therapist is to not actually treat the chemical cause itself but to act as a source of outside assistance, a third opinion if you would. Your other job as a therapist is to offer advice that the patient may or may not choose to follow and to direct the patient to a psychiatrist who can prescribe medications that are supposed to be designed to stabilize whatever chemical inconsistencies that exist. Now psychiatrists on the other hand are required to not only have a master degree in psychology but also a doctorate in medical science which does require the taking of neuroscience courses while in college.

The only reason I know about the chemical side of psychology is because I took 4 courses geared towards neuroscience, chemistry, and medical science.
I've spoken to counsellors, psychologist (Dr), and psychiatrists (Drs) here in the UK and what you have described is broadly my experience. The psychologist talked round the edges, did mindfulness etc. and only got involved in medication (a recommendation to my psych) to lower the dose when it appeared I was over sedated during sessions. I frigging well was lol. My psych always started off with "How are you today", I'd reply "fine, doing well", and she'd reply "you know I'm not going to accept that" then we'd get down to verbal sparring, with the end objective for me being coming off meds. Her objective being keeping me on it for as long as possible. Strange given that I always thought I was fine.

Neuroscience sounds an interesting one.
 
D

DyingDragon6

Member
Joined
Sep 11, 2019
Messages
22
Location
United States
Good grief, that's tough going. Aside from the financial hardship you are enduring , is there any prospect you can finish the course? In my view, someone who lives it and breathes it would make the finest psychologist.
That was actually my main driving force to try and go into the field when I first started but no there really is no way for me to return as of right now. Really my true passion is literature to be quite honest, I do enjoy a good book and I loved being able to help my English teacher in high school in the special education department when the other students had trouble. Getting others to read and immerse themselves in tales of fantasy and wonder, to allow themselves to be the main character and experience the story as the protagonist, I want to spread that joy that absolute thrill I get when I read a good book to others. Maybe not to those under a certain age because let's face it the children today are nasty rotten spoiled little shits who spend too much time with the noses glued to their cellphones eating up drama on social media like it's a drug.

Maybe I'll one day go back when I'm finally financially stable and I can restore the house back to its former glory, right now the roof and outside need some serious reworking.
 
A

albagobragh

Well-known member
Joined
May 17, 2019
Messages
155
Location
UK
I forgot to add that despite the acts of self-harm I "partake" in, the damage done is never enough to warrent the attention of medical staff at a hospital, I also take great care to keep items and myself as sterile as possible. These acts are not life threatening nor will they end up become permanent, I've made sure of that in all possible ways. I do not actually hate myself until to truly damage myself to point that the damage is irreparable, I want my body to heal. The part I'm addicted to is the almost medical procedures and steps I use before and after the acts of self-harm.
It sounds like you are applying your intellect to hurting yourself in the most invisible way possible.
Could you channel that into actually helping yourself?
 
D

DyingDragon6

Member
Joined
Sep 11, 2019
Messages
22
Location
United States
I've spoken to counsellors, psychologist (Dr), and psychiatrists (Drs) here in the UK and what you have described is broadly my experience. The psychologist talked round the edges, did mindfulness etc. and only got involved in medication (a recommendation to my psych) to lower the dose when it appeared I was over sedated during sessions. I frigging well was lol. My psych always started off with "How are you today", I'd reply "fine, doing well", and she'd reply "you know I'm not going to accept that" then we'd get down to verbal sparring, with the end objective for me being coming off meds. Her objective being keeping me on it for as long as possible. Strange given that I always thought I was fine.

Neuroscience sounds an interesting one.
Sounds like most of my experiences with the whole shitty system. It's because mental health isn't taken seriously, like it doesn't fucking exist. Really it's because most people have their heads so far up their own asses that they can barely even see their own problems let alone someone else's issues.

As for neuroscience it's hella fun. I got to dissect brains every other week which was interesting, course these would be done in groups of 4 and somehow I'd always end up with the squeamish bitches who made me do all the work.
 
D

DyingDragon6

Member
Joined
Sep 11, 2019
Messages
22
Location
United States
It sounds like you are applying your intellect to hurting yourself in the most invisible way possible.
Could you channel that into actually helping yourself?
Oh trust me it ain't invisible at all not when I wear tee shirts every day, I'll take comfort over convenience any day. I don't really care all that much if people stare while I'm walking down the street arms on full display. I only care enough to try and get help because I hate seeing the sympathy and hurt on my friends faces when they see my arms. Also I'm getting help because I'm sick and tired of my acquaintances butting their noses into my business, telling me what I should and shouldn't do without understanding the true and full reasons why my arms are the way they are. In high school when I did the same thing the evidence didn't last past a year after. For 7 years after I had graduated no one could tell that I self-harmed, I heal ridiculously fast even if its self inflicted.
 
A

albagobragh

Well-known member
Joined
May 17, 2019
Messages
155
Location
UK
Sounds like most of my experiences with the whole shitty system. It's because mental health isn't taken seriously, like it doesn't fucking exist. Really it's because most people have their heads so far up their own asses that they can barely even see their own problems let alone someone else's issues.

As for neuroscience it's hella fun. I got to dissect brains every other week which was interesting, course these would be done in groups of 4 and somehow I'd always end up with the squeamish bitches who made me do all the work.
I've said it before on another thread, and I'll say it again, Psychiatry to me is WitchDoctors with Certificates - nothing more nothing less. Don't get me wrong, I've liked the majority of the psychiatrists I've spoken to, but it simply hasn't clicked. I think you are spot on regarding seeing other peoples issues, which is why I think someone like you (knows it first hand) is so suited to the role.

As for neuroscience, dissecting brains? Sounds fun to me too, but I bet there is more to it than that.
 
D

DyingDragon6

Member
Joined
Sep 11, 2019
Messages
22
Location
United States
I realize just how odd i might seem compared to most people who self-harm. Usually people who do self-harm want to avoid having others know they do, they usually will want to cover up the evidence as much as possible, it seems this need or rather this fear that causes others to conceal their evidence doesn't really apply to me. If someone asks about my arms I will answer their questions as much as I can. I don't believe in sugarcoating the evidence that is clearly showing acts of self-harm, I'm bazaar like that. Don't know why I've got that particular quirk but I do. At least it's better than hiding the truth and seeking help when I k ow I need it.
 
A

albagobragh

Well-known member
Joined
May 17, 2019
Messages
155
Location
UK
Nice talking to you DyingDragon6. Gotta go, got enforced meds tomorrow to attend to.

A little about me. 49, male, Scottish live in England. Married with one daughter (15 nearly 16). Masters Degree educated in Digital Systems Engineering (hence why I take education seriously and urge you to finish if you can).

Take care of yourself and I look forward to conversing with you again soon.
 
D

DyingDragon6

Member
Joined
Sep 11, 2019
Messages
22
Location
United States
I've said it before on another thread, and I'll say it again, Psychiatry to me is WitchDoctors with Certificates - nothing more nothing less. Don't get me wrong, I've liked the majority of the psychiatrists I've spoken to, but it simply hasn't clicked. I think you are spot on regarding seeing other peoples issues, which is why I think someone like you (knows it first hand) is so suited to the role.

As for neuroscience, dissecting brains? Sounds fun to me too, but I bet there is more to it than that.
See that's the issue, no medical facility in their right mind would actually hire someone who they used to treat, it's simply "unethical" and "improper" and a "lawsuit waiting to happen" type of bullshit. Most people who are "cured" well and truly cured or at least are cleared as mentally stable choose to just live their own lives, why go out of their way to listen to people who have similar issues they themselves went through, and there's always that small little thought in the back of their mind asking, "what if after listening to all these people with their problems causes me to relapse with my own problems?" See therein lies the issue keeping people who lived through these issues not going into this particular field for careers.

And yes neuroscience is way more than dissecting brains.
 
D

DyingDragon6

Member
Joined
Sep 11, 2019
Messages
22
Location
United States
Nice talking to you DyingDragon6. Gotta go, got enforced meds tomorrow to attend to.

A little about me. 49, male, Scottish live in England. Married with one daughter (15 nearly 16). Masters Degree educated in Digital Systems Engineering (hence why I take education seriously and urge you to finish if you can).

Take care of yourself and I look forward to conversing with you again soon.
Have fun(I say that with extremely heavy sarcasm). It was an absolute pleasure to have a discussion with someone in the field of education and I absolutely loved the amount of mental stimulation I got from our conversation. I don't get that as often as I'd like to but hey that's life.
 
T

Tombomb

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 25, 2018
Messages
50
Dragon thx for ur remarks u dont know how well that makes me feel. This thread is very deep in a good way. Yesterday i had a bad anxiety while working an i feel at times people feed off me an its very overwhelming. just that thx from u went a long way and maybe sometime ill go deeper than must an i most take it one or a day at a time again thx all
 
D

DyingDragon6

Member
Joined
Sep 11, 2019
Messages
22
Location
United States
Dragon thx for ur remarks u dont know how well that makes me feel. This thread is very deep in a good way. Yesterday i had a bad anxiety while working an i feel at times people feed off me an its very overwhelming. just that thx from u went a long way and maybe sometime ill go deeper than must an i most take it one or a day at a time again thx all
Well I'm glad I helped you in whatever form I did. That wasn't my intention of course, but if you need someone to listen I'll gladly lend you an ear and whatever advice I can give.
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
simonr1978 Self Harm Forum 3
J Self Harm Forum 1
Top