Down the booze path

LadyDomino

LadyDomino

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#21
There is always support for those who seriously want to give up alcohol - its called AA. Sure they aren't trained MH people, but at most meetings you'll find someone who has self-medicated using alcohol. AA try to have enough meetings in any local area so that you can visit one everyday of the week without having to travel too far (see their website). They aren't just for people who are addicted to alcohol, they are for anyone who feels they maybe miss using alcohol too.
 
J

JasonR28

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#22
Thank you for the posts.

For me it's like I mostly don't want to give up (100% honesty), for the reason that alcohol does me more good than harm. That's not a denial thing, it's complete truth as I'm someone who puts my hands up and admits to my problems. I had an actual problem with gambling before. When the lows outweighed any highs and it was a problem, I admitted it, got help and recovered.

I've done so much to try to improve my life and yes I do have a dog, but can you believe what happened this year?

I would walk him to a local field every day. He then got violently attacked, completely unprovoked. The dog seriously hurt my dog and bit my hand, the owner turned away and walked off. Absolutely terrified I rushed him home and he was hurt bad.

Now if I had the help and support I've been desperate for, I could have handled things in the correct way and recovered from it (Got a lift to the vets and then had the support off someone to take me in their car to a country field with no other dog walkers, to walk him a few days a week until I get back into it and realise it's such a rare thing to happen).

Instead, with zero support I spent 3 days at home unable to go out of the front door. My dog needed treatment and I just couldn't get him to the vets right away. When I did, the vet patched him up which I had to pay for.

To this day I haven't walked my dog since to any fields. I still can't do it, which mostly is because of never having the support so I have been unable to get through it.


At current with alcohol it's like if I was given that much needed support and help, I could stop drinking instantly. However, as things are, I'm heading onto that slippery slope.

So a borderline alcoholic I guess.


I do care about myself. Genuinely. Which is why I drink. I know that sounds odd.... but....

Me as a person, sober, mental health wins. Problems I cant resolve without medical support dragging me down each day. Symptoms that stop me being me. When I drink, I get a break from it. It lifts that depression temporarily and helps.
 
J

JasonR28

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#23
Musicandtvlover

Thanks for the post, it is very difficult indeed. It's very difficult knowing something that helps/works can do a lot of harm overall, but it's very hard with MH problems because the symptoms and way it makes us feel is so horrible.

It hard thinking of anything else that could help because often when trying, we go through things that simply don't work and it reverts us back to drinking because that always works, even if its just short term.


Painkillers for example are like a plaster, a short term fix. They can cause damage if used frequently. If someone has a broken leg and are suffering in pain each day and medical services wont help them. What are they to do? Carry on suffering all day, every day, or take painkillers, which that person knows will cause damage in the long term, but it helps them get away from that pain at least for a few hours a day.
 
Cpt_Stunning

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#24
With alcohol, it masks anxiety symptoms, I know it myself. You just have to work out a situation, like a balance with alcohol.

Part of the problem with British life - not sure if you are a Brit - is that alcohol is so accessible, store 5 mins walk from my house is open 7am-10pm, so temptation always there.

The only thing I could suggest is that if you find yourself going to the store - like I do - to get drink, go to the food section first, see if there are good deals on meals.
 
J

JasonR28

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#25
Yeah that is so true, I am a Brit indeed. Sometimes I find it where I go out there trying so hard with even limited money on me like a tenner so I can't go to the pub or buy booze and can only really buy the planned shopping.

What tends to happen is those anxiety symptoms start up, I get really upset and feel suicidal about it so go to the pub, sink a few and then with my remaining £3.50 get a loaf of bread and milk.

It's crazy how the symptoms cause all that. I could be sat here with a fridge full of booze one day and not fancy it at all. No plans of drinking, then I go to the shop for some bits, symptoms, end up in pub because of symptoms.

So unless I need to get quite a large shop in (which I will often do online), I won't risk going to the shop.
 
J

JasonR28

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#26
I don't know if it's a rant or not, but committing to give up booze is so difficult because booze really works.

I was thinking yesterday about this when drinking at a pub.

So in theory (according to doctors anyway), if someone with anxiety goes somewhere and sits with the symptoms, then eventually the symptoms will reduce. The more they do this, the more the symptoms reduce until they vanish.

That never happens for me at all. So alcohol does what should happen normally, but never does.

That is what makes it so hard to quit. If there was something else or a support service that could help reduce the symptoms like alcohol does then I'd quit right away
 
J

JasonR28

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#27
I think I will sort of use my thread as a mini diary type thing, maybe some others can relate to.

So in the past week I have had very little alcohol consumption. I haven't done a lot all week, sat in, low, depressed, bored. Why?

Well that's symptoms. I have no friends or family to meet and realistically what have been my options this week? Coffee shop? No point as the symptoms never reduce meaning its very distressing for me throughout and not enjoyable at all (Shaking, on edge, jumpy movements from start to finish takes any potential enjoyment away). Town? Same thing, no enjoyment because of those symptoms and going that far makes me very tempted to go to the pub to reduce the symptoms with alcohol. The pub? Great for reducing symptoms but I just didn't feel like drinking much in this last week.

For this next week what is there?

Yep, same dilemma. What's for sure though is I cannot spend another week stuck in the house like this. Being stuck in and feeling low like this each day pushes me closer to crisis point and then I end up trying to harm myself.

Equally going out and experiencing full on symptoms that never reduce and stop me being who I am can push me to that point too.

So it's as simple as that, one day this week I will be embracing beer at the pub. Getting there, physically shaking as I stand in the queue just like anywhere. Picking up my first pint, shaking, tipping beer on the floor (just like I do anywhere like with coffee at coffee shops). But then, by pint number 2 or 3, symptoms are hugely reduced. I can pick up the pint glass without spilling it, the brain fog lifted that is usually always present (Allowing me to engage in conversation with people).

Then after, going into a few shops without symptoms, taking in the information, trying on clothes, maybe buying some. Getting a few small treats from shops.

Then coming home after and saying 'You know what? That was a really good day. I thoroughly enjoyed that because I was able to reduce the symptoms which enabled me to get a break from something that always causes me huge distress 24/7 in my life'
 
Flameheart

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#28
i might start drinking so i have alternatives to self harming and lashing out
 
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I

Infinitepossibilities

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#29
i might start drinking so i have alternatives to self harming and lashing out
I think I will sort of use my thread as a mini diary type thing, maybe some others can relate to.

So in the past week I have had very little alcohol consumption. I haven't done a lot all week, sat in, low, depressed, bored. Why?

Well that's symptoms. I have no friends or family to meet and realistically what have been my options this week? Coffee shop? No point as the symptoms never reduce meaning its very distressing for me throughout and not enjoyable at all (Shaking, on edge, jumpy movements from start to finish takes any potential enjoyment away). Town? Same thing, no enjoyment because of those symptoms and going that far makes me very tempted to go to the pub to reduce the symptoms with alcohol. The pub? Great for reducing symptoms but I just didn't feel like drinking much in this last week.

For this next week what is there?

Yep, same dilemma. What's for sure though is I cannot spend another week stuck in the house like this. Being stuck in and feeling low like this each day pushes me closer to crisis point and then I end up trying to harm myself.

Equally going out and experiencing full on symptoms that never reduce and stop me being who I am can push me to that point too.

So it's as simple as that, one day this week I will be embracing beer at the pub. Getting there, physically shaking as I stand in the queue just like anywhere. Picking up my first pint, shaking, tipping beer on the floor (just like I do anywhere like with coffee at coffee shops). But then, by pint number 2 or 3, symptoms are hugely reduced. I can pick up the pint glass without spilling it, the brain fog lifted that is usually always present (Allowing me to engage in conversation with people).

Then after, going into a few shops without symptoms, taking in the information, trying on clothes, maybe buying some. Getting a few small treats from shops.

Then coming home after and saying 'You know what? That was a really good day. I thoroughly enjoyed that because I was able to reduce the symptoms which enabled me to get a break from something that always causes me huge distress 24/7 in my life'
Where do you walk your dog now? Can you get access to nature?
 
J

JasonR28

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#30
I did have access to some nature but after the attack there's now nowhere.
 
J

JasonR28

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#31
Instead of tomorrow I had the drink tonight and yep, great. Good socialising times at the pub. more pro's than cons.

Back now and I'm entirely happy. I had a good evening, great chats with people. Tomorrow I will feel a bit more low due to booze wearing off but that's the usual.

In terms of benefit to gain, when plagued with symptoms 24/7 that don't reduce no matter what I try, tonight was a welcome break and then.... for the next week it's back to symptoms all the time before I drink again
 
I

Infinitepossibilities

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#32
I did have access to some nature but after the attack there's now nowhere.
That's a shame, me and the dog pound the pavement s of town mostly but it's good to get into the woods or the beach when things are really bad
 
I

Infinitepossibilities

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#33
Instead of tomorrow I had the drink tonight and yep, great. Good socialising times at the pub. more pro's than cons.

Back now and I'm entirely happy. I had a good evening, great chats with people. Tomorrow I will feel a bit more low due to booze wearing off but that's the usual.

In terms of benefit to gain, when plagued with symptoms 24/7 that don't reduce no matter what I try, tonight was a welcome break and then.... for the next week it's back to symptoms all the time before I drink again
Cheers to that, exactly the same for me, dry til next weekend!
 
J

JasonR28

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#34
It's the way to do it my friend.

It's always a tricky boundary. I.e... Someone drinks because of symptoms which must always equal a drinking problem.

It's temporary relief, but, the key with that in certain circumstances, what else is there? 10/10 times pure symptoms with no support, zilch, and expecting someone to just carry on?

1/10 times means a massive break from the symptoms. Being yourself and who you are.
 
J

JasonR28

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#36
Alcohol is addictive though. And it kills people.
You are absolutely right but what it comes down to for me anyway is quality of life.

I've got no support, the NHS have repeatedly deprived me of the correct help and support I should be getting. In the UK there's assessments for benefits. The assessors are known as evil people who get people's benefits stopped and in order to remain getting them, someone does have to be really, REALLY unwell.

The assessment staff were genuinely concerned about my health though (and the fact I'm not getting any help or support), that after the assessment they phoned my GP stating this. When I see the mental health teams who can get me the right help and support though, they play it down and refuse. Even my suicidal tendencies were nothing to them with the teams telling me I'm just being silly, making excuses and need to stop burring my head in the sand.

So to me, if I have to experience this life and soul destroying symptoms 10/10 times when out and about with zero help or support, then as has happened many times over the years, I become suicidal, end up harming myself and end up in hospital. Drinking even 1 or 2 of those times gives me a huge break from symptoms and allows me to live my life much better.

If the NHS ever give me the right help and support then I wouldn't have to drink
 
schizolanza

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#37
I started by just having 1 beer every couple of weeks. I was encouraged to drink because the symptoms would ease up for a bit and my family enjoyed this as much as I did.
I ended up alcoholic. I would say to myself if I'm alcoholic then that's the least of my problems. Then it became an issue because of the expense.
 
J

JasonR28

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#38
Booze does cost a fair bit. I just find I don't have anything else to spend my cash on because of the symptoms I experience. I have things I'd love to do but symptoms ruin it whenever I try so the money is available for booze.


Another day and I'm tempted to drink. I can certainly hold out til the weekend and my next round of self medicating but finding it tough today.

It's not so much I'm craving a drink, far from it. It's more that I want to do something today. It's a day with good weather, I'd love to get out, check out a coffee shop, see another town, look in a museum, just something!!!! But, yep, the symptoms take any enjoyment away from those things as always.

100% I don't want to touch a drop of alcohol today (I've got a stack of beer in the fridge I'm not even tempted by), but I know going somewhere means constant symptoms, which generates the temptation to go to the pub for a few which will reduce symptoms and allow me to get on with what I wan't to do with less upset and distress.

So I will just stay in today doing very little, perhaps even go back to sleep soon
 
J

JasonR28

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#39
So this week, every day stuck in so far. A lot of people use alcohol as a treat, maybe even a reward. Hard week at work? Few beers to enjoy at the weekend. Football game on? Few beers to have as an accompanying treat.

As I use alcohol for self medicating, that's my primary use and it should never be used as a treat, otherwise using it for both will mean more drinking and increasing the chances of becoming addicted.

I realised this today when I felt like having a treat and thought of alcohol, but then I remembered for me it isn't a treat.

Anyway, I've decided to go to the pub today to self medicate, which with symptoms reduced will allow me to go to the big supermarket without huge distress and buy.... treats.

Symptoms are stress, distress, upsetting, difficult. I live close to the edge of the pit of doom all the time with all the health problems. Anymore stress or distress pushes me into that pit and it becomes a very difficult climb to get out of. So I have to do all I can to avoid that.