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Down but hopefully not out.

K

Kelandisii

New member
Joined
Jan 23, 2015
Messages
1
My name is Connor. I'm 22 years old and I work at a dollar store part time and live at home. I've never actually put my problems to paper, but I'm hoping this helps in some way or at the very least someone can give me guidance. To sum it up, I lack motivation or drive, and I have crippling anxiety(self diagnosed of course) It's impacted my life so negatively that I honestly don't know what to do.

Regarding the drive, it's like theres two voices in my head. One voice, wants to do what needs to be done, the other, well, finds ways to put it off. Basically there's a part of me that for instance wants to find a new job, however the other portion will find an excuse(youtube, a video game, random internet browsing...etc) to not even look. Now I wouldn't say that I have a split personality, just that theres an extremely lazy side to me that can twist anything so it can be done "later". I've worked the same dead end job for two years and saved no money in that time. Due to this lethargic side of me I didn't do any of my school work or even go to class when I was at college. It's gotten so bad that I have trouble bringing myself to play video games without "rationalizing" that just laying bed watching something is a better idea. I don't know how to make it stop. What I do know is that if this doesn't stop I will end up nowhere.

Regarding the anxiety; It's hard to cope with. I always feel like everyone is judging me...Is my hair messed up, my shirt too tight is there a smudge on my pants, did i say something that didn't sound right....you get the point. Quite honestly, I haven't "hung out" with anyone in quite sometime. I have some friends from college that we routinely play video games together but thats about it. Either I like the solitude or I've just grown accustomed to it over the years. Out in public I put on this facade that I'm "cool" and collected but inside it just feels weird...its hard to explain. A few months back I worked up some courage to ask out this cute girl that worked next door...by the time I got up to her my stomach was in agonizing pain and my body felt hot...I just had to leave. I've always had trouble talking to girls, but never to the point that it caused me pain. Granted, I can converse with females as longs as its not in a romantic sense, kind of need to be able to ring out customers. Hell, even on the internet I can "spit some game" but the second it turns into an actual meet up i end all communication with some pitiful excuse. I just want some courage, a backbone if you will.

Sorry for the long read, I just wanted to get most of it out there. I need help. I honestly do. My life cannot continue like this. I believe I just need the push in the right direction. To anyone who reads this; thank you.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
Hi and welcome to the forum.

I presume you're not from the UK (as you said 'dollar store') and so i'm not 100% sure how things work where you live, but have you seen a professional? Is that an option for you?

It seems your anxiety is affecting you a lot, causing you to withdraw and be unmotivated. It's something I can definitely relate to, so I can sympathise.

Also, have you sought out any self-help material? There are some good books that you can get hold of to help in terms of self-esteem and anxiety, that have therapeutic activities that you can practice to hopefully help you in some way.
 
Lincoln1990

Lincoln1990

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 18, 2013
Messages
10,131
Where are you located?
 
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