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Double needs and wishes

outoforder

outoforder

Active member
Joined
Jan 28, 2016
Messages
26
Location
Planet Earth
Hi all,

I just separated from partner I have been with for 8 years. Feels ok most of the times. We were like friends only the last 3 years so there is not a big difference. Met a new guy, really like him and he likes me.

I don't want anything super duper serious which "should last forever". I want to move to my new apartment and to have my freedom, travel and do things. At the same time, when he says that he loves me but don't want to rush into a new mega super duper serious relationship (he is somewhat newly separated too), I feel panicky. Even though we have the EXACT same purpose of this: to see each other, have fun together and see how it goes. But, I want him to be all over me, but still have my freedom. How is that possible? :scratcheshead:

I want to have my freedom and meet friends and do things. But when I am not with him, I miss him like h*ll. I think about him all the time. Yesterday he told me for the first time that he is really jealous and when I am seeing my friends and he is sitting home alone, he starts thinking these lame thoughts. I loved when he told me that, but then I felt it was too much. I thought "ok so can I keep on meeting my friends now or what? I need my freedom!".

So. I want him to be all over me, when I want it. Then I want to be alone, but at the same time, I need his attention 24/7. But only when I need it. Not all the time. I check my phone all the time to see if he has written me. We write and talk every day but still, I get furious if he has not replied to my messages when I want him to.
We have met up the last weekends and spent time from friday-sunday just spending time together, hugging, kissing, eating and sleeping. I love it, but at the same time feel I have other things I want to do. But every sunday we separate, I cry like a baby (when he has left me, not to his face). Why!? :confused:

Seriously, what's wrong with me? Can anyone relate? :cry2:

I am not showing any of these traits to him. I keep myself calm, but it still hurts inside my head and heart. Feels like I am teared apart from inside but double wishes and thoughts. I am crazy about him and thinking: "Oh I want to marry him so bad!" and at the same time "Wtf.. I wanna travel and meet other guys!".

What's wrong with me?! :low:
 
Kurtcobain93_RIP

Kurtcobain93_RIP

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jan 13, 2016
Messages
339
Are you diagnosed with anything?
 
outoforder

outoforder

Active member
Joined
Jan 28, 2016
Messages
26
Location
Planet Earth
Are you diagnosed with anything?
BPD, Bipolar type 2, GAD, Asperger.
Have not talked with anyone about this since it's pretty new to me with these mixed feelings. I have had them before but much, much more light.
There is 1 year waiting time for therapy and I just signed up in line.
 
Kurtcobain93_RIP

Kurtcobain93_RIP

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jan 13, 2016
Messages
339
I only guessed BPD it sounds like BPD traits in your relationship the back and fourth opposite extreme feelings is sonething the is common with bpd i have heard.
 
outoforder

outoforder

Active member
Joined
Jan 28, 2016
Messages
26
Location
Planet Earth
I only guessed BPD it sounds like BPD traits in your relationship the back and fourth opposite extreme feelings is sonething the is common with bpd i have heard.
Probably yes, but still wondering what the problem is, why it's happening and how to repair this. And of course, if someone can relate and what helps.
 
C

cloudy9

Guest
Probably yes, but still wondering what the problem is, why it's happening and how to repair this. And of course, if someone can relate and what helps.
Yeah, I think the problem could be the BPD aspect of your psychological makeup, outoforder. I was diagnosed with BPD and I can relate to the things you were feeling regarding your relationship. Like if someone didn't reply to a text or ph call quick enough or on time or at all, then you can become very desperate [even furious, for me] which relates to exaggerated and/or extreme reactions to rejection, real or perceived - a trait always pointed out regarding BPD. And then you have the two parts of you that want different and opposite things. To me, that can relate to an unstable or unclear self image - BPD - which will obviously leave you torn regarding certain things. If you look up 'symptoms of BPD' you will see another thing is 'unstable relationships' due, obviously to these conflicting needs and emotional reactions, etc.

I'd offer you advices about what has helped me, but in my case I can't say because even though I've tried different things over the years, I haven't changed. But the best thing is just don't fall deeply in love. Love is good but falling like deeply in love can be more like a depression and a suffering, to me. And to stop thinking about him all the time, just stay very focused on what you're doing in your own life at that moment, don't let the mind drift.

That's pretty much all I can think of. Hope things go okay.
 
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