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Doorknocker who sexual offended me?

H

Headspinning

Member
Joined
May 11, 2020
Messages
20
Location
Ukraine
Sorry sorry if this is hard to read. I just took my medicine (for the first time in 1 year) which calms my nerves.

This night it knocked on my door, really really late and only this makes me angry enough. But now comes the twist. I installed a camera 3 weeks ago which films the garden but there are sound, you hear what people say and the frontdoor is 10 meters from the camera.

I was just going to go to bed when I listen on the recording and I hear the most horrid thing possible (in my mind). First I hear girls laughing and then a guy who says "shall I touch it with my penis" there is a word in swedish for it. And I think he says exactly that word!!!! Then I hear another guy who says "fast".

I heard that and I got panic to 10 directly, I put on some gloves and went out and cleaned all the doorhandles. I am pretty sure I didn't touch any of them because I don't even touch them normally.. But I remember getting some waterdrops in my mouth which was splashing up.

I feel utterly shit now, I frankly feel like this is it. Now I am destroyed. This is the moment I have feared so long but now it has happened to me! Omg, if he did that.... Wow... I feel sick in my stomach frankly.

Do you have any advices to me because I don't know what I am supposed to do. I just don't...
 
H

Headspinning

Member
Joined
May 11, 2020
Messages
20
Location
Ukraine
So I am a little little bit calmer now, I am sorry that the initial text was absurd and possible hard to read because I wrote it under a state of panic. I am still feeling horrendous about this crap but the benzo have kcike in and I have confessed to two persons.

1. WHY didn't I install a camera at the frontdoor?! I thought about it for 2 weeks!!
2. Did I touch the handle or another handle (there are two in the area)
3. Only the action in itself is sexual assault and horrendous and it is just normal I feel sick in my stomach after this?
 
M

Murasakibee

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 25, 2020
Messages
233
Location
Midwest USA
I think anyone would be freaked out by what you described. That is disturbing and wrong.
I also have ocd so I tend to obsess over things, its good you took your medicine and you are sharing your thoughts here and you are calming down. That's all good.

Do these people come around often? What I mean is have you ever heard or seen them before?
 
H

Headspinning

Member
Joined
May 11, 2020
Messages
20
Location
Ukraine
I got some anxiety from your reply sorry but I did. Thanks for your comment it feels better.

Small kids ran around and knocke at doors 2-3 years ago and there is sabotaging in the town on and off but nothing more, there haven't been anyone knocking at our door for 2 years now.

I blame myself for not installing a camera at the front door!! Why why why didn't I install a camera? Now I just have a horrendous and sickening audiorecording which leaves me with a lot of questions!
 
H

Headspinning

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Joined
May 11, 2020
Messages
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Location
Ukraine
I sleept 3.5 hours and I need to work today. I feel absolute crap, like my life is over. I blame myself for not having a camera where it matters. I can only hear this twisted line in my head. What I have feared for so long have come true, a sexual predator!

I will do my work today and then I will take another tablet, I don't want to live now.
 
M

Murasakibee

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 25, 2020
Messages
233
Location
Midwest USA
I sleept 3.5 hours and I need to work today. I feel absolute crap, like my life is over. I blame myself for not having a camera where it matters. I can only hear this twisted line in my head. What I have feared for so long have come true, a sexual predator!

I will do my work today and then I will take another tablet, I don't want to live now.
I apologizing for triggering you earlier, I really am. That was my mistake.

I'm really sorry you are going through this. I know it's hard not to but don't blame yourself, you didn't do anything wrong.
You should go to work, and also try to think of something else, and please don't hurt yourself. You don't deserve that.
 
H

Headspinning

Member
Joined
May 11, 2020
Messages
20
Location
Ukraine
I apologizing for triggering you earlier, I really am. That was my mistake.

I'm really sorry you are going through this. I know it's hard not to but don't blame yourself, you didn't do anything wrong.
You should go to work, and also try to think of something else, and please don't hurt yourself. You don't deserve that.
It's not really your fault neither, it is the sick people doing this, the people delivering the lines and who knows about their actions.
I have gone through this nonstop for 24 hours soon. I did manage to work today but I was really low and sad. I just had to take one more benzo when I came home. I can't just sit here knowing what I know...

I am really thankful for ANY response and people have been kind to listen to me. I have even called a supportline yesterday and chatted with two supportlines. I just want someone to throw the thoughts at, or I feel even worse.

This escalated really quickly. I just feel bad, no other words to describe it. But thanks not your fault that things come to this, I mean I would think the same thing as you, it would be extreme just to accept everything just because we should. Now I am talking with my rational, because my feelings say that I need to involve and indulge fulltime on this matter.
 
M

Murasakibee

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Joined
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Messages
233
Location
Midwest USA
It's not really your fault neither, it is the sick people doing this, the people delivering the lines and who knows about their actions.
I have gone through this nonstop for 24 hours soon. I did manage to work today but I was really low and sad. I just had to take one more benzo when I came home. I can't just sit here knowing what I know...

I am really thankful for ANY response and people have been kind to listen to me. I have even called a supportline yesterday and chatted with two supportlines. I just want someone to throw the thoughts at, or I feel even worse.

This escalated really quickly. I just feel bad, no other words to describe it. But thanks not your fault that things come to this, I mean I would think the same thing as you, it would be extreme just to accept everything just because we should. Now I am talking with my rational, because my feelings say that I need to involve and indulge fulltime on this matter.
Expressing your feelings is a very good thing, I'm glad you were able to do so. I'm also glad I could help a bit. I don't mind listening either. Feelings are hard to control, I've had many moments similar to that where my feelings had taken over all my thoughts.
I'm happy you are able to calm down now and I hope you can get some better sleep tonight.
 
H

Headspinning

Member
Joined
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Messages
20
Location
Ukraine
I am really frightful of tomorrow. THe goal is to do without benzo but I am feeling anxious now when I am on it, very small dose but still. Also I think this medication is beyond expirationday.

I am training a lot and I guess I just need to keep doing that. Not letting this let me down but man it is haaaard. What if, ifyou only had a camera bla bla bla. The mind goes on and on.
 
M

Murasakibee

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 25, 2020
Messages
233
Location
Midwest USA
I am really frightful of tomorrow. THe goal is to do without benzo but I am feeling anxious now when I am on it, very small dose but still. Also I think this medication is beyond expirationday.

I am training a lot and I guess I just need to keep doing that. Not letting this let me down but man it is haaaard. What if, ifyou only had a camera bla bla bla. The mind goes on and on.
Yeah OCD is really hard, I have to train a lot too, but when stressful events happen it triggers my OCD bad as well.

I hope things get better for you.
 
H

Headspinning

Member
Joined
May 11, 2020
Messages
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Location
Ukraine
Training is my big hobby and consistency is VERY important, atleast when you as me want to get results. Shame I always seems to bust oon this because of anxiety, when this crap hits me everything becomes unimportant.

Plan for today is to not take any more med and go train. Take one more would make me comfortable but I guess I will regret that decision in the future.
 
GhostOfLenin

GhostOfLenin

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Jul 16, 2020
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So I am a little little bit calmer now, I am sorry that the initial text was absurd and possible hard to read because I wrote it under a state of panic. I am still feeling horrendous about this crap but the benzo have kcike in and I have confessed to two persons.

1. WHY didn't I install a camera at the frontdoor?! I thought about it for 2 weeks!!
2. Did I touch the handle or another handle (there are two in the area)
3. Only the action in itself is sexual assault and horrendous and it is just normal I feel sick in my stomach after this?
Thats strange to say the least.
 
H

Headspinning

Member
Joined
May 11, 2020
Messages
20
Location
Ukraine
That was why I was reacting.. What do you think I feelt when I heard them on the tape? Well, there is not much I can do about it. It's a scary society too, and the police do less and less even at more severe crimes.

Also I am not producing the most clear texts when I am in a state of panic.
 
GhostOfLenin

GhostOfLenin

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Joined
Jul 16, 2020
Messages
2,338
Location
Glasgow
That was why I was reacting.. What do you think I feelt when I heard them on the tape? Well, there is not much I can do about it. It's a scary society too, and the police do less and less even at more severe crimes.

Also I am not producing the most clear texts when I am in a state of panic.
Yea that would freak anyone out. Cant say online what id do to deal with them.
 
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