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Don't want to be me anymore!!

tigerfish

tigerfish

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 26, 2012
Messages
698
Location
In a living nightmare!!
I hate myself so much, I can't even begin to explain exactly how much I despise myself!!! Every day it seems so much more intense than the day before!! This body is disgusting!! I can't live with these memories!! I can't change how my thoughts frighten me every minute of everyday!! I don't really feel like I have an identity and I am petrified of being me!! I want to be invisible and just be eyes floating around!! I want company but I don't want people to see me!! It's torture!! I am sorry to bug anyone with this rubbish, It is so lonely and frightening to have all of this inside me and not being able to talk to anyone because I am so concerned that no one will understand or will judge me!! I would love to detach my mind from this awful, disgusting, revolting, hideous body I have been cursed with!!!! Everything hurts!! No matter how much I cry, it all just hurts!! Can anyone hear me? Can anyone help me, please?? I don't know what to do? :panic:
 
C

cookysasadmonster

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 16, 2014
Messages
106
Location
colorado
I hate myself so much, I can't even begin to explain exactly how much I despise myself!!! Every day it seems so much more intense than the day before!! This body is disgusting!! I can't live with these memories!! I can't change how my thoughts frighten me every minute of everyday!! I don't really feel like I have an identity and I am petrified of being me!! I want to be invisible and just be eyes floating around!! I want company but I don't want people to see me!! It's torture!! I am sorry to bug anyone with this rubbish, It is so lonely and frightening to have all of this inside me and not being able to talk to anyone because I am so concerned that no one will understand or will judge me!! I would love to detach my mind from this awful, disgusting, revolting, hideous body I have been cursed with!!!! Everything hurts!! No matter how much I cry, it all just hurts!! Can anyone hear me? Can anyone help me, please?? I don't know what to do? :panic:
I hate myself too. Sometimes I can't even look into a mirror sometimes. I feel gross. I'm a loser. A fuck up. I'd give or do anything to be someone better. But since I can't change that I just put up with it. Try just doing things that make you happy. Things that take your mind off YOU. Helping someone move, video games getting to the next level, getting that next upgrade. Play an instrument. Anything whether big or small. If you like pets and don't already have one, maybe getting one would help. A cat or a dog. Something that shows love and companionship. I hope one of these things appeals to you and hope it helps.
 
M

muzzy999

New member
Joined
Dec 1, 2014
Messages
4
i often work my head into a similar state... just try and remember that there is someone (probably lots of people) that value your existence, even if you find it hard to! i value everyone on here for opening up and being brave- i worked my head into such a horrible state one night, came on this website and took comfort that people here had been in a v similar position to me... we just gotta keep our head down and fight through. it will get better, and this will all make you a stronger and better person. once you get through this you will have a much better understanding of how people think and your value will be priceless :)

i beat myself up when sometimes i shouldnt, and id bet my house that you are doing the same, please dont :)
 
tigerfish

tigerfish

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 26, 2012
Messages
698
Location
In a living nightmare!!
I know this sounds stupid and weak, but I have been holding out for when things will get better!! It hasn't yet!! I am frightened that everyday I will be fighting to survive just to see another struggle!!! I can't see a future, at the moment it is so hard to even see the end of the day with any enthusiasm at all anymore!! I really feel that I am waiting for more disappointment!! I am so, so sorry to be so down and depressed all the time!! I must be getting so annoying and I wouldn't blame anyone if you were fed up with me being so miserable!! I definitely am!!
 
ScaredCat

ScaredCat

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 21, 2012
Messages
8,447
Location
Another planet
You are not annoying. So sorry you are feeling like this. Think a lot of people on this site are or have been where you are now. It is so horrid , I know. All you can do is take each day, hour, minute at a time. Is so hard when you can see nothing:hug1:
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
Wish I had some magical words to say to make it all better, but I don't.
Am just sending bunches of love your way instead. :hug1:
 
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