- May 2, 2020
I'm feeling extreme and excessive anger in past year. I sometimes hit myself when I'm angry so I will not hurt anyone. I fought a psychotic episodes or something like that for 8 years, I was delusional, depressed and suicidal but not angry at all. Just felt worthless and paranoid and numb. In past 2 years I was feeling a lot better, no delusions, no paranoia, depression. But now depression came back with anger. I'm angry at the world. I hate this world, this society, everything. I feel there is no future for me. I'm lesbian by the way, my friends do not understand me, my best friend was psychologically attacking me for so long and I finally realized that. He was actually bullying me for who I am but he is gay too so I haven't realised attacking for so long. I really loved him, trusted him but he was so toxic and mean. If people like me don't support and accept me, who will? This world is not meant for me. I feel like that. This world is for "common" things, not for me. This only get worse each day. I sometimes pray to God for better and happy days. I feel that He loves me. My mother is so cold and distant, she is depressed too. I think I'm reason of her depression, my psychotic episodes in past possibly. I have dog and cat and I love them more than anything, they are only positive aspect in my life. I'm scared of society. Society is only made for men, never was meant for women, especially homosexual women. Society is f*cked up. Violence, p*rn, p*dophilia and rich culture is everywhere. Where is humanity? I just want to be somewhere else. Everyone is bullying me. I have distance with a lot people I know because of my anger and their possible attack.