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Don't Know What's Going On With Me

P

pooldrops5

New member
Joined
Jun 18, 2010
Messages
2
Hi everyone,

My name is Nico and I am a very driven, hardworking 22 year old gay young man. I live in FL and have a very nice life. However, for the past two years I've been going through some tough emotional and psychological stress. Worried because for this extended amount of time I have not been feeling at all like myself. I'm worried. In the past I was extremely confident, very social and well liked. I want to get back to MYSELF, but I need some help understanding what this is and what I have to do.

Very Quick Back Story
---------------------------------------
Came to college. Did great at school. Very involved -- excelled. Had a very emotional breakup with an ex-boyfriend from high school. Cried a lot over him. Took about a year to get over. Only way I was able to get past those feeling was by meeting a huge group of new friends. Was engulfed by this family of people. Met another man who was three years older than me -- he was very popular in this group. He and I were a lot alike in our goals and dreams for life. He and I were best friends for two years. He liked me as more than a friend, but each time he asked to be more I said no. Told him I wanted only friendship. He was hurt, but kept on with spending tons of friend time with me. Eventually I realized I wanted more with him after a trip out of country. Came back and told him. He was so mad. He refused me and things spiraled into a huge mess. 6 months I was lost in depression. Finally, we ended up collecting on a rocky same page and agreed to be boyfriends. We were together for a SAD four months. We fought a lot. The relationship I loved with him so much had basically fallen apart. So sad, because we were so right for one another. When we broke up I tried to hang on to mutual friends, but eventually it became to hard. They were always out on the town with him, and would hardly give me time. Socially, I do not have as much stamina as he does. He has a magic way with people and forms tight, tight relationships with them that I just don't know how to develop. He's more witty than I am, and apparently more fun. He puts a lot of money into parties for huge groups of people at his house, etc.....
In any case, I moved to another part of town after college. Really excelled at my job for my young age. Have been doing great career wise. However, I just have not been able to get over HIM. My mind every single day (except when I loose myself in work at the office) seem to be locked on him and my missing of his best friendship and then the relationship. Two years after breaking up I still have not found anyone I feel the same enormous feelings for. Wrote him a letter the other week, and had a very friendly dinner with him. Told him in a very mature way that I still have those feelings and miss him immensely. He let me know that though he loves me, and that I was his first real love, that he just does not feel the same any longer.
Next week I am moving to another part of the state about an hour 1/2 away for work reasons. I don't plan to be in this new city very long before moving yet again up to New York (again, for career reasons).

How I'm Feeling Now
-------------------------------------
I feel very alone inside. I feel very lost in my mind. Text message and phone calls don't come like they used to when I was in that huge group. I feel disliked sometimes. Yet, when I go out to a club I'm always greeted and hugged by many smiling faces. When I feel comforitable, and I'm well slept and up to it, I can have a great conversation. Then again though there are so many days where I feel like I'm slipping into some weird socially anxious place. I find my brian working faster than my mouth sometimes .... I feel myself constantly looking for witty things to say, so that people will like me more. I associate my ex-boyfriends popularity with how many inside jokes and special relationships he formed with people. I just don't know how to do it. It's really difficult. I feel like I am an great, attractive guy, and I haven't been on a date with anyone in months. Men that I am physically and mentally into just don't seem to like me. I feel awkward now.

I don't know what this might be called ... only thing I could imagine was ANXIETY. If that happens to be it, I don't know if a mild anxiety medication might be in order.
I will take any sort of suggestions. I just want to make myself better, and get my drive and my constant great social skills back.

-Nico
 
BORTU

BORTU

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 4, 2010
Messages
1,449
Location
SW England
Hi Nico,

Sorry to read your probs. I can't really offer help, just sympathy. I'm straight and had the same prob with a girl so I know how it hurts. I guess you just have to live through it. If it gets to bad then see a doctor. They understand these problems and can refer you to someone who may help.

You will always get a sympathetic hearing on this site.
 
L

Lil

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 6, 2009
Messages
114
Hi, I'm not an expert so can't tell you whats wrong with you but I do relate to how you feel. I go through a similar experience with Social Anxiety. I know the last thing you probably want to hear is to not worry about what others think of you, but when you think about it - the more paranoid you are about not sounding witty, the more you overthink things, etc, the more likely you are to come across exactly how you're trying hard not to, without even realizing it. Essentially by stressing out about what people think of you, i think you are likely expressing that awkwardness and they are picking up on it. You're clearly a lovely and successful guy, if there is anyone out there that doesn't see it, thats their loss :) Just relax, be yourself and don't worry about being in competition with your ex. I know its much easier said than done!

Also, you might get your confidence up again by finding some kind of course or seminar on communication or even conflict management (which tends to also cover communication skills). It is even possible depending on what kind of work you do that you can get your work to send you on the course, if you find a good reason that it'll benefit your work. My work sent me to a conflict management course I wanted to go to because I could utilize the skills in dealing with accounts people and clients. There's books out there too which cover the subjects that can give you some good tips in conversation and social skills.
 
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