- Apr 29, 2015
Hi, I'm new here... I'm 21 and recently I feel like life isn't worth it.. I've had reoccurring thoughts of suicide for the past at least 2 years but I fight on because I as bad as I feel now, I wouldn't want to cause my family any pain. I hide how I feel from everyone, I put on a brave face and appear happy and confident when I'm at university or with my friends, however when I'm on my own it's a different story, I feel like I've been slowly losing touch with life over the past few years and everything I enjoyed just seems like a memory. But it's only been these past few months where it's become really hard, I've started falling behind at university because I can't seem to get my head clear enough to get any work done. Most days I don't have any energy to even get up and this has caused me to miss a lot of classes. Everything I found fun is now just another draining task that I don't need! I feel like a failure and that I'm not doing what I want to be doing in life, I feel like everywhere I go I have to fight just to keep my head up and keep on going about my daily business. I've spent countless nights awake just thinking about ending it all... I can't speak to my family because they would see it as me making up excuses or reasons for not getting my work done, when there's nothing I want more than to be able to do my work and do well! I can't tell my friends because I'm scared of how they will judge me and see me as weak. I tried to tell my gp and they just offered me anti depressants like its a quick fix for everything.. I'm already diabetic and have to inject myself 3+ times a day, I'm not taking a handful of tablets as well! I just don't know what to do, where to go, who to tell... I feel completely alone and lost and everything is getting harder by the day.