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Dont know what is wrong with

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markk231

Guest
hi im mark and im 20 years old.

i am so confused with life and myself.
i was into the rave scene between the ages of 17 and 20 and using a lot of recreational drugs.
i remember going as far back as 17 when i was smoking cannibus and i totally freaked out i thought i had went completely mental.
since then i have obsessively thought there is something wrong with my mind like i might be schyzophrenic whilst still using these drugs. laterly i began feeling very uneasy around people especially my friends, i am very self concious. i also get paralysis when awakening from sleep or falling asleep.
4 months ago i stopped taking cocaine ecstacy etc and have been totally clean. i still feel very depressed and dont see the point in life. i have suicidal thoughts constantly just so i can free myself from my head.
i need help but my doctor doesnt think there is anything wrong with me.
is there anyone who knows what might be wrong with me?
i just want to be happy like when i was young
 
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Duchess

Member
Joined
Dec 7, 2008
Messages
16
Location
Essex
Hi Mark,

I just joined this forum myself yesterday. I'm 36 and have been using cocaine since I was 25 and alcohol since I was about 15. You say you have given up substances and feel no better. I have to say, I gave up substances for the first time in 10 years at the start of this year for six months and didnt feel much better at first. I started drinking/using again in July this year and things have gone rapidly down hill. I am stopping using and drinking again and have been okay for the last two days because I know that I will feel so much better when I am not doing these things. Basically what I am saying is that you need to give it time before you think things are not changing or working for you. I hope you are strong enough to stay of cannabis because that is probably the main reason for your feeling low. It has quite a lasting effect on people, makes them edgy and paranoid but it will pass. My young sister gave it up five years ago and is fine now. It will take time to get out of your system but stick with it.

Duchess. ;)
 
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Dollit

Guest
Mark I gave up drink and drugs nearly 18 years ago and as Duchess says it takes time for you to get back into a settled state. Drugs do really bugger up your mind if you're susceptible and I was certainly that. It does get easier and a forum like this will help but so will AA and NA and any of the many counselling services available.

It's not an easy thing you're doing but I can tell you it was the very best thing I ever did. 18 years ago I was told to do something about my lifestyle or I had a maximum of two years to live. I love outliving that prediction!
 
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markk231

Guest
thanks for taking the time to read my post.
i will say that i have not done marajuana for a long time and i know that can have long term effects.
can things like cocaine and ecstacy take a long time to leave your system as well.. as this is what i was mostly doing. i just dont want to feel like this 4ever.
can i say as well that i constantly feel like i am in a dream. has anyone felt like this ??

thanks
 
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Duchess

Member
Joined
Dec 7, 2008
Messages
16
Location
Essex
Mark, as was mentioned earlier by Dollit, all drugs mess you up in one way or another. Every one has slightly different reactions to them but what I do know is that when you have a tendancy to feel the way you do i.e. uneasy and low, putting coke and pills on top of that is the worst thing you can do. I spent most of 2006 on pills and coke and stopped the pills a year ago and think that they are out of my system but have done a little damage that only complete clean time will repair but there is no doubt in my mind that the longer I am clean the better I will feel so like I said earlier stick with it. I am going back to AA tomorrow night for the first time since July having spent six months there earlier this year and I am mortified about the fact I have to go but if I dont then who knows where I will be this time next year. I know AA and NA are not for every one but I feel its the kick start I need to stop drinking and using. The thing for me is once I pick a drink up I want coke so if I dont drink I dont do coke. Not sure how your drinking is but maybe you might want to look into this? I am only making suggestions you understand, I am not telling you what to do. Good luck. Duchess. (y)
 
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Dollit

Guest
Duchess don't be mortified about going to AA - anyone with a drinking problem is only going there to get sober in the truest sense of the word. I went for about 6 years because I tried the first two on my own and it was really hard. Not everyone has to keep going.

Mark the drugs evacuate your system reasonably quickly but your brain and body needs time to repair. I have taken LSD for nearly 25 years but just occasionally I get that feeling I used to get - just for a matter of seconds but it's still there.

It's possible to make a good recovery but you do need some help in the early stages to make sure it's a sustainable recovery. You wouldn't go round walking on a broken leg would you?
 
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Duchess

Member
Joined
Dec 7, 2008
Messages
16
Location
Essex
Went to AA.... Glad I went too. Saw some old friends and am going to another meeting on Friday. Drugs however are such a bummer.... But like I said before if I dont pick up a drink then the drugs wont come into the equasion.

You are right though, Dollit, help in the early stages is a must.... Thank goodness for this forum and AA/NA. I think I am on the road to feeling just a little bit "normal" again now after Friday and Saturdays suicidal feelings..... All hot air though and the poor guy on the end of the phone at the Samaritans :redface:
he must have thought I was a proper mentalist.... *even though I am* Oh I dont know what I am rambling on about tonight. Its past my bedtime. I bid you goodnight. Mark - Stay off the drugs, take it from me, the lows always outweigh the highs. Dollit - LSD - 25 years .... phew.... You lived to tell the tale.... :sleep:
 
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