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Don't know what is wrong with me.

O

Orphanannie89

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Apr 25, 2020
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PR25
I don't know what is wrong with me. I took voluntary redundancy from my previous job. The job was making me ill. Anyway, there was some confusion with my finishing date and I didnt get paid and my redundancy money was not coming in for another month. My response to this was intense anger. Screaming. Wanting my employers dead. I wanted to kill myself. I told my husband to phone my employer's and tell them I was dead and they had done it. I said they were screwing me over. I hated them. This went on for some time. My husband had to control me. My teenage son was trying to control me. It was awful. Anyway, my employer sorted it all for me and in the end I was in tears. In self harmed because I hated myself for what I said. I thought my employers must think a lot of me to do all that. This episode is a fairly standard response to most situations along with throwing things, smashing things. The police have been called once or twice and I have ended up in hospital, only to discharge myself due to mental health services not being available to me. I'm frightened. Can anyone help?
 
calypso

calypso

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Hiya. That does sound extreme and I can't imagine what it must feel like to get into such a state. Have you ever had any therapy to get to the root of why you feel like this? MH Services are erratic in how they see people. If you go to your doctor (although its all over the phone at this present time) and ask for a MH review they can refer you on.

What goes on in your mind before you start to react? Did something happen in childhood which triggered this behaviour and it comes roaring to the fore when you are in this state?
 
O

Orphanannie89

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Joined
Apr 25, 2020
Messages
161
Location
PR25
My dad died when I was 9. Since then I've felt out of control of my life.
Before I react I believe they are out to get me and that I am hated and its instant.
I'm awaiting an appointment with a psychiatrist. Had alsorts of therapy but it doesn't seem to have worked.
 
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