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Dont know if this is the right place

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EmmaLou

New member
Joined
Jul 22, 2015
Messages
2
Location
Scotland, UK
Hi,
I just joined. I dont know if it was right as I have been on many sites similar before. But I have been having so much trouble recently. After coming out of hospital two weeks ago, my sleeping tablets were stopped suddenly after 3.5 years, and I didnt know it was possible to be awake for so long. I also take diazepam and mirtazapine, with thyroxine and Ensure Plus, but it was the zopiclone that was stopped. Nobody has spoken to me about it either in the hospital (where I hid behind the curtain all week as was afraid of people shouting at me), where they continued to give me the medication as prescribed by my psychiatrist, or after leaving. In fact they told me my medication was unchanged when I left. But after trying to find out what happened after two weeks nobody can tell me. My psychiatrist has been on holiday since June, but was back mid July, and my support worker says I will get an appointment in the post. The GP locums at the surgery will not give me anything to help. I have even got to the point where I dont care if I have no sleep but its the visions I get all night long which I find most distressing, and am having to harm a lot more and feel like im in a constant torture chamber. I see my boyfriend dying all night, in my room. He died five years ago. And I have complex Grief Disorder and PTSD. But until my zopiclone stopped I was able to sleep after the first couple of visions, and the nightmares were easier to handle than the daymares. The only thing that helps me are my implements. But with no medication they dont work for long, and he is back again, lying there injured in my room. It also could not be happening at a worse time as my house is being reposessed and I am supposed to be moving next month to the other side of the country. I have no idea how this is going to happen and am so scared as I cannot function like this, let alone organise anything for moving. This has been going on for so long, but I feel like people are just making it even worse now. Thanks for reading. Emma.
 
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MarlieeB

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jan 15, 2013
Messages
25,096
Hi and :welcome: to the forum.

I'm sorry you are struggling so, so much at the moment. Do you feel like you could be in danger? I'm only asking because to me you aren't getting the help I think you need right now.

Have you got crisis teams number, in case during the night you get the visions and need someone to talk to? Or can you find a way to call 111 or 999.

I'm sorry it is so, so bad for you at the moment.

Marliee x

P.S: I was wondering if you can print this out and give it to your support worker?
 
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UMPALUMPA

Well-known member
Joined
May 15, 2015
Messages
1,802
welcome to the forum :hug:

Thats a good idea Marliee sometime its easyier to type what we mean and hand it over to someone.
 
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Christobel

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 6, 2014
Messages
1,075
Location
South west
Hello Emma, and welcome to the forum. I hope you will be able to find some help on here - you are going through such a horrendous time. I hope you will be able to get your sleeping tablets reinstated soon.
 
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EmmaLou

New member
Joined
Jul 22, 2015
Messages
2
Location
Scotland, UK
Thank you for your replies. I think I have told my support worker all these things already. I actually dont care about being in danger as I dont want to exist it is painful. I did phone NHS 24 one night last week as I also had bad stomach cramps from withdrawal of the zopiclone, and the dr told me to take an extra diazepam and make an appointment with the GP the next day. I cannot go there myself, and my support worker lives in a different area so its very difficult to actually to to the practice, but I had a phone consultation two days later with a locum, who could not do anything, and had no information from the hospital. I was on a very high dose since Jan - 15mg of zopiclone a night. I tend to phone the samaritans a lot at nighttime if im feeling brave enough, or otherwise have to text them, but they take a long time to go through. I dont know when its all going to end, and am so panicky now. I missed my last app with psychiatrist on 3rd June as my support worker was ill, so I havent seen her since March. And as I said there are no permanent GP's at the practice. I feel like I just have to wait and carry on with what im doing. Winter seems a long time away, which is when I usually try to die. Its a long wait. I have a feeling they dont want to help me, and are just waiting for me to go away. My mother (who is abusive) is phoning me all the time at the moment too, which I am scared of, having to speak to her and be shouted at for an hour. I havent told her anything about losing my job, the hospital admissions, illness or medications as I know that would make things worse. But she knows im moving and is demanding all sorts of answers which I cannot give at the moment, and then im in trouble again for being useless and a waste of time. I dont know what is going to happen to me. And I am very scared. But thank you again for reading. Emma.
 
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MarlieeB

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jan 15, 2013
Messages
25,096
Personally, I think you need serious help right now. Everything you are typing out is worrying.

Please at least give your support worker a call today or crisis team (if you have a number) and say just how bad you feel and if she doesn't listen do you feel you can go to A&E?

I see that you don't care about being in danger but can I ask a question?

Do you believe that? I'm only asking because from what I have read from your two posts I think you do care but you are too scared because you don't want to draw attention to yourself. Of course that is my opinion.

Is there another member of your family that you can trust to talk through all of this and help you or is it just your mother?

Sorry for all the questions, it's a bad habit of mine.

Take care

x
 
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