don't know if I will make it through xmas

[messymoo]

I have really had enough of being me I am feeling very fed up and suicidal I am just trying to take each day as it comes but i don't know how much longer I can go on for all i ever seem to do is whinge on here I bet everyone is sick to death of me on here too I am also sick to death of me sorry everyone I really am just a hopeless case

Messy

 

[Ainsworth]

messy, you are not hopeless

get how you are feeling out, we are listening and always will be. dont ever think people are sick of you on here, we are not. keep talking

 

[gray]

I think christmas can be a difficult time for everyone. It's been a long time since I have enjoyed christmas myself.

Try not to get caught up in the mad rush and people stressing about everything.

Why would everyone be sick of you? This is the internet, if you don't like something you don't read/watch it or you just turn the computer off.
You forget that this is a forum for those with a mental illness and a lot of us like to moan and complain. If we all hate you then we must hate every single other user on this website too!

I'm struggling myself at the moment, but what's the alternative? Ruin christmas for everyone around you? I couldn't really do that.

Try to put your feet up and throw a dvd on etc. and take your mind off the stress of this time of year.
Don't give up

 

[trombone_babe]

Good advice gray, thanks. I struggle with Christmas a bit as well - it seems like everyone else is out socialising and having fun and my hubby and I never seem to be included. Even when we hold our own things not many people turn up. Dunno what it is, don't think we're that unpopular! We also always spend Christmas with my inlaws, which are great, but it would have been nice to have been invited to spend time with my folks when they were alive, or for them to come to us, but it never happened. No point worrying about that any more.

Sorry, now it's me moaning.

 

[Kat667]

So called Christmas is difficult for me too. I happen to be pagan so celebrate it as mid-winter or Yule. I hate the excesses and the obligatory fun element. Can't wait for it to be over. People bringing in large plastic trees into the house and spending excessively, and these are the same people who think I'm mad?

 

[Scared with BPD]

You can do it!

I know it must seem like the most peaceful and easiest way out at the moment, but please, please, even for me who you don't know, please try and be so incredibly strong and do not go through with it.

I have Borderline Personality Disorder and therefore it's quite hypocritical, I guess, for me to tell you to abstain but I had Mum on the phone this morning who had been drunk since 4.00am and was trying to down a bottle of Valium. The fear, panic and hurt I felt, made me realise what I had done to others so many times.

Saying that, I totally understand that the pain engulfs you sometimes so much that you don't feel there is any other way.

I beg you, please take baby steps, if at all possible, just take the next few hours at a time and see how you feel. We all know that the escape is there for us eventually if we wish to take it, but please can I tell you, from my own experience, if it had ever worked, then I wouldn't have ever met never mind spent so many years with my wonderful husband.

I know it sounds trite, but none of us know what is round the corner, and I don't mean that to sound like it has to be a partner, there are so many things in life that are joyous to experience. For me, visiting my parents and seeing a clear dark sky with sparkling stars.

Anyway, I probably sound quite soppy now, but once again I plead with you, give life another chance, a few hours at a time before you make the fatal decision and please send me a private message if ever you want to communicate privately.

You are in my thoughts -

Love Claire x

 

[messymoo]

Thanks to the replies I am just trying to take it minute by mninute hour by hour i really don't want to ruin christmas for anyone else thats why I am trying so hard to keep going I just feel so desperate at times and I am struggling to put the false everythings brilliant act on or all my family I am just so tired of pretending I wish i could just sleep through christmas but I have to do the usual duties of visiting relatives and I just don't think I can keep up the happy act. I fear I am rambling and sounding a bit stupid.
I hope everyone manages to get through christmas I know a lot of people find this time of year difficult and you are in my thoughts. Take care everyone.

Messy x