dont know if anyone can help me out

[randomworry]

i really depressed right now and have been for a couple of months.
it started while in a univeristy laboratory and i was working with radioactive iodine (I-125) i accidently touched my face with my contaminated glove and started to freak out.

at the end of the practical i checked my face with the geiger counter and the reading was a bit above background radiation. i didnt tell the demonstrator as i started to panic.

when i got home i was so scared i started coughing up blood because of the panic attack and thought i may have injested the radioactive iodine so there was no hope.

i then wrote a suicide note and tied my dressing gown cord in a noose to hang myself. i kept crying all night and eventually my mum took me to a mental ward because i wanted to kill myself.

i have since been released but am still very depressed and suicidal because of the damage i may have done to myself with the radioactive iodine.

how do i get myself out of depression like this- i think i will get cancer now because of my exposure as i may have ingested some of it.

some one please help......any words of encouragment. this is serious and not a joke at all.

 

[buzzybee]

Sorry you are having such a hard time.

Have you actually spoken to any professionals (doctors,lecturers etc) about the risk since being contaminated?

Im sure if it was a moderate to high risk you would have had to wear full protective gear for your face and body as well as your hands?

I used to suffer with irrational fears and would panic and worry and stress that I was going to die or become seriously ill if I so much as had a person breath on me.
I once accidentally brushed some adrenalin on my wrist dring an eye operation at work and that terrified me and I was certain I was going to have a heart attack at some point.
Recently I got a shock from an electric fence (quite high voltage) and was certain the aftershock would kill me over the next few days.

I had extensive counselling for a few years and it has really helped me to become more positive and not let fear and worry take over my life (except the recent fence episode!).

Are you seeing a counsellor at all? It took several for me to find the right one so if you are and you don't feel you are getitng anywhere its worth seeing if you can switch to another one.

Relaxation therapies worked well for me too as it helped to minimise the panic.


Hope you get the help you need and find a way to worry less.

 

[randomworry]

hi buzzybee thank you so much for writing back. yes i will be getting some counselling with regards to this issue soon so i hope i can get back to normal as it has literally torn my life apart.