Don't know how to control myself, please help

[June]

I'm not sure if this is the right place, but it made the most sense to post it here. Let me know if I was mistaken.

Whenever I get into a confrontation, my hands and feet start shaking uncontrollably. I'm a very emotional and expressive person, and the smallest, most insignificant confrontation can send me into a shaking frenzy. It wouldn't be an issue, only, people take it as a sign of weakness and choose to antagonize me because of it. I wish I was a stoic person, who wouldn't be bothered by outside influences, alas, I am the opposite.

What bothers me the most is that it's not fear that makes me tremble. I'm strong, well built, trained and have a knack for fighting. Have been in fights numerous times ever since I was a kid, and kept my cool both in health crisis situations, as well as in combat situations, be it in a street fight or during my military training. The tremble wasn't present in those situations, in fact, I was always calmer than usual in the face of danger.

I'm a person who doesn't take any crap. If I see someone mistreating another - I will step in. If I see someone taking advantage of another or being insolent - I'll confront them. If I see someone stealing - I will stop them. I'm not just saying this, I've been in these kind of situations many times. I'm basically the idiot hero-wannabe you'd wish was walking by if you ever find yourself in a bad situation. I'd rather sacrifice than walk away. And yet, whenever I'm in a confrontation - I tremble like a wet dog. I shake uncontrollably to the point where it's laughable. I can't help it.

Please, help me learn to control myself and my emotions. I have trouble taming my voice, my tone scares people and I often can't stop myself from saying things I'd rather not. I have a hard time controlling my tone and people have told me numerous times that whenever I have a major argument with someone I go overboard and become frightening. This trait has been a major issue throughout my life and I have lost/put many relationships in jeopardy because of it. Even my best friend and my brother too were afraid of me when we got into an argument, though I would never hurt them.

I don't know why I am the way I am. I always wished I could be a stoic, cold person. My Father was one, nothing could get through to him, yet I can barely contain myself. The rage I carry in my heart ever since I was a child is palpable. I'm so sick and tired of frightening the people around me. And I'm sick of trembling whenever I confront a stranger.

Please, help. Give me advice on how to deal with this. I have tried Yoga, meditation, cold showers, martial arts, running, breathing... nothing helped. Best I can do so far is to just walk away. But that is no solution. Sometimes I start trembling even when replying to a comment online, it's pathetic. I am lost, I don't know what to do. Is it just how I am? Can I change or should I just accept it for who I am and learn to deal with that? Let me know what you think, any feedback is welcome.

 

[Annelis]

I think I understand you, I also have the trembling issue, the most let's say funny reaction from people I got was that once I was almost accused of being possessed by some evil spirit because of the trembling I had
And I also relate to being too emotional and explosive, I never learned to controll it and always thought it's just the temperament I have been born with, even though I hate it very often.
I wish I could give you some advice, but all I can do when in such situation is to go out take a walk until I calm down. But I guess it doesn't solve things the way we'd like, because then you leave the situation anyway.
The only thing I managed to solve is the shaking voice, but to this day I'm not sure how I did it. I was somehow chosen to go on a school competition at high school where I was supposed to give a speech in front of a committee and I remember shaking outside the room thinking omg how did I get here and then I just sort of thought about it and decided to believe that I can do it.. that I'll just go and speak. And it worked that time, my voice somehow didn't shake. And since then I knew I could do it so mostly even though I tremble on the inside and usually also on the outside, my voice usually works fine since then.
I guess I didn't help you much, but I wanted to reply, to tell you that you are not alone in this.

 

[June]

Hey, yeah, you did help me - as you said, you let me know I'm not alone. Thank you for that, it's a lot. I am not expecting people to just solve this for me. I am hoping that someone can put me on the right path, because what I've been doing so far obviously didn't work. That's best case scenario.
Far as being possessed goes - I wouldn't be surprised if people thought the Devil resided in me, sometimes I become like a rabid dog, some people know how to push my buttons and do it in spite of the consequences, even though they know how bad things can get.

I used to read poetry out loud a lot. I don't know what it's called in English, but I bet there's a word for it. Used to participate in contests, because I read it so well due to being such an emotional kid. One time I got on the stage in front of the whole school and choked. Mid poem I got so emotional( the poem was very emotional too) that I could no longer remember the words and tears started streaming down my face. I humiliated myself in front of the whole school and got made fun of for years after that. I was a fighter, so nobody bullied me physically, but for the rest of the time in that school I was that kid that choked and started crying that one time.
I have to admit, I've been afraid to get on the stage ever since then. I have a few times after it, but I almost forgot the words I'd been hammering into my head for a week both times. So, I read what you wrote and thought to myself - that's amazing. You overcame your "fear", thought I suppose anxiety is the right word. It's inspiring. Sorry, I clicked "Enter" by accident and replied before my reply was finished

 

[Annelis]

Im glad to do at least this, to tell you you aren't alone
That's horrible, what happened to you at school
I'm not entirely sure how I managed that to overcome the anxiety, perhaps I just had some good day then and after the good experience that it worked it just became easier