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Don't know how to control myself, please help

J

June

Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2020
Messages
13
Location
Lithuania
I'm not sure if this is the right place, but it made the most sense to post it here. Let me know if I was mistaken.

Whenever I get into a confrontation, my hands and feet start shaking uncontrollably. I'm a very emotional and expressive person, and the smallest, most insignificant confrontation can send me into a shaking frenzy. It wouldn't be an issue, only, people take it as a sign of weakness and choose to antagonize me because of it. I wish I was a stoic person, who wouldn't be bothered by outside influences, alas, I am the opposite.

What bothers me the most is that it's not fear that makes me tremble. I'm strong, well built, trained and have a knack for fighting. Have been in fights numerous times ever since I was a kid, and kept my cool both in health crisis situations, as well as in combat situations, be it in a street fight or during my military training. The tremble wasn't present in those situations, in fact, I was always calmer than usual in the face of danger.

I'm a person who doesn't take any crap. If I see someone mistreating another - I will step in. If I see someone taking advantage of another or being insolent - I'll confront them. If I see someone stealing - I will stop them. I'm not just saying this, I've been in these kind of situations many times. I'm basically the idiot hero-wannabe you'd wish was walking by if you ever find yourself in a bad situation. I'd rather sacrifice than walk away. And yet, whenever I'm in a confrontation - I tremble like a wet dog. I shake uncontrollably to the point where it's laughable. I can't help it.

Please, help me learn to control myself and my emotions. I have trouble taming my voice, my tone scares people and I often can't stop myself from saying things I'd rather not. I have a hard time controlling my tone and people have told me numerous times that whenever I have a major argument with someone I go overboard and become frightening. This trait has been a major issue throughout my life and I have lost/put many relationships in jeopardy because of it. Even my best friend and my brother too were afraid of me when we got into an argument, though I would never hurt them.

I don't know why I am the way I am. I always wished I could be a stoic, cold person. My Father was one, nothing could get through to him, yet I can barely contain myself. The rage I carry in my heart ever since I was a child is palpable. I'm so sick and tired of frightening the people around me. And I'm sick of trembling whenever I confront a stranger.

Please, help. Give me advice on how to deal with this. I have tried Yoga, meditation, cold showers, martial arts, running, breathing... nothing helped. Best I can do so far is to just walk away. But that is no solution. Sometimes I start trembling even when replying to a comment online, it's pathetic. I am lost, I don't know what to do. Is it just how I am? Can I change or should I just accept it for who I am and learn to deal with that? Let me know what you think, any feedback is welcome.
 
Annelis

Annelis

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2019
Messages
205
Location
Slovakia
I think I understand you, I also have the trembling issue, the most let's say funny reaction from people I got was that once I was almost accused of being possessed by some evil spirit because of the trembling I had 😅
And I also relate to being too emotional and explosive, I never learned to controll it and always thought it's just the temperament I have been born with, even though I hate it very often.
I wish I could give you some advice, but all I can do when in such situation is to go out take a walk until I calm down. But I guess it doesn't solve things the way we'd like, because then you leave the situation anyway.
The only thing I managed to solve is the shaking voice, but to this day I'm not sure how I did it. I was somehow chosen to go on a school competition at high school where I was supposed to give a speech in front of a committee and I remember shaking outside the room thinking omg how did I get here and then I just sort of thought about it and decided to believe that I can do it.. that I'll just go and speak. And it worked that time, my voice somehow didn't shake. And since then I knew I could do it so mostly even though I tremble on the inside and usually also on the outside, my voice usually works fine since then.
I guess I didn't help you much, but I wanted to reply, to tell you that you are not alone in this.
 
J

June

Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2020
Messages
13
Location
Lithuania
Hey, yeah, you did help me - as you said, you let me know I'm not alone. Thank you for that, it's a lot. I am not expecting people to just solve this for me. I am hoping that someone can put me on the right path, because what I've been doing so far obviously didn't work. That's best case scenario.
Far as being possessed goes - I wouldn't be surprised if people thought the Devil resided in me, sometimes I become like a rabid dog, some people know how to push my buttons and do it in spite of the consequences, even though they know how bad things can get.

I used to read poetry out loud a lot. I don't know what it's called in English, but I bet there's a word for it. Used to participate in contests, because I read it so well due to being such an emotional kid. One time I got on the stage in front of the whole school and choked. Mid poem I got so emotional( the poem was very emotional too) that I could no longer remember the words and tears started streaming down my face. I humiliated myself in front of the whole school and got made fun of for years after that. I was a fighter, so nobody bullied me physically, but for the rest of the time in that school I was that kid that choked and started crying that one time.
I have to admit, I've been afraid to get on the stage ever since then. I have a few times after it, but I almost forgot the words I'd been hammering into my head for a week both times. So, I read what you wrote and thought to myself - that's amazing. You overcame your "fear", thought I suppose anxiety is the right word. It's inspiring. Sorry, I clicked "Enter" by accident and replied before my reply was finished :D
 
Annelis

Annelis

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2019
Messages
205
Location
Slovakia
Im glad to do at least this, to tell you you aren't alone :)
That's horrible, what happened to you at school :hug:
I'm not entirely sure how I managed that to overcome the anxiety, perhaps I just had some good day then and after the good experience that it worked it just became easier :)
 

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