don't know how much longer I can do this...

Graceymm13

Graceymm13

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I'm new here and this is my first post...

I suffer from Borderline Personality disorder, manic depression and anxiety nd panic attacks. I am currently 18, I have been self harming since I was 8 but only started self harming when I was 11. I have been self harming ever since.

Recently I have had my partner come to live with me, he's been here with me since April. He was a ex self harmer and had not done it for 4 years. Since living here, he has also selfharmed. Because I have been triggering him off with my self harm, which makes me want to hurt myself even more but I can't. It's so hard to not harm myself anymore, I used to do it everyday. I'm slowly loosing the will to live and without the self harm to help me cope (although I am on medication) I keep having suicide attempts and ending up in hospitals and mental units as I see death as the only way to make the unbearable emotions go away.

I'm worried that soon I am going to seriously hurt myself and that when he leaves like everyone else does that no one will be here to stop me or to call the ambulance. I don't know what to do anymore... Help me someone :/
 
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Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Hi Graceymm13 and welcome to the forum.

So sorry to hear that you're having such a bad time with things. Have you just been put on medication and left alone or are you receiving treatment, counselling or therapy of some kind?

You might not feel like it, but you are doing really well resisting the urge to self harm. Please keep trying. It might be difficult now but it will get easier the longer you refrain. I don't know what medication you're on but with what you've written above, it doesn't seem to be working too well for you. If you have a psychiatrist, maybe ask for a med review, if not perhaps go to see your GP. You can get better with the right help so please don't give up trying. Take care :hug1:
 
Mayfair

Mayfair

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Hi Gracie :)

:welcome: to MHF

This triggering situation seems to be quite complex between you and your partner. Far too complex for me to comment or advise on - but I thought I'd say hello :)

You'll get better advice from others, but perhaps not now because it's pretty quiet on here at night (UK time) :)
 
Mayfair

Mayfair

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Just noticed I cross-posted. See I knew good advice was there :)
 
Graceymm13

Graceymm13

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Thankyou for taking the time to read and reply to this post.

No, I have been on many different medications since I was 13, my newest medication at my last review was 150mg of Sertraline and 100mg of Quetiapine. They had me on 60mg of Fluoxetine and 25mg of Quetiapine but they replaced the Prozac because of the strain overdosing on it puts on your heart and I overdoes frequently...

I have been under the mental health act since I was 13 and have been through therapy and counselling before. I have now been reffered into the adult mental health services and am awaiting an assessment about my BPD and are wanting to make me do CBT (Cognitive behaviour therapy). In the past I have done CAT (Cognitive analytic therapy) and I'm not really sure how I felt about that...

I don't really feel like I'm doing well though,because I still hurt myself in other ways. I can't bare looking at his arms and feeling it's because of me, cos it breaks my heart. But thankyou for your concern. I am seeing my psychiatrist on Monday so I guess I'll just have to see how that goes.

I hope you are well x
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Hi,

You really do sound like you're having a bad time but I'm glad you're seeing your psychiatrist soon and that you're being referred for CBT.

I would try whatever they offer therapy wise. It may be that you don't find they work but it's got to be worth trying. One type of therapy might seem better for you than another.

Just be as open as you can and hopefully things will gradually improve for you. You're not alone here, there are many of us that understand and have been through similar issues and crises. Stay strong and take care.
 
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