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Doing whatever it takes to survive



New member
Dec 31, 2014
I'm 25 now. My whole life I have witnessed severe domestic violence. Throughout my entire teenage life, my mom was dating a very bad man. He was beyond an a$$hole. He is a criminal. I usually got 4 hours of sleep per night. Everyone at school thought I was a burned out stoner because I walked around the halls of the school like a zombie. Mom and Fred would go at it furiously. It was just insane.
The worst thing that happened was one night,Fred was walking through the sliding glass door into the back yard, when all of a sudden he turned around and hit my mom, and proceeded to step on her head with his boot, with her face on the cold tile slab kitchen floor. Her screams were like nothing from a horror movie or death metal band. Listening to this every day, I think, was screwing me up pretty bad.

I moved out the DAY after I graduated and never looked back. Not to mention, my mother was pretty mean to me despite being an abuse victim, and I repeatedly called the cops whereupon the two of the went back to pretending like nothing wrong at all was going on.

I failed most of my classes. I searched the internet for many hours a day, but no one would take me in because I was a minor, and the very first person that came along was a 53 year old gay man, and I didn't even consider myself gay, I just would have done anything to get out of there, and im still with him today, I didn't know how controlling and possessive he would be, and that he would end up getting erectile dysfunction, and buy me a computer but install vigorous parental controls on it. That's my life.


Well-known member
May 30, 2012
small town Ontario, Canada
It's takes a mountain of courage to come out and admitt this has happened to you. Thankyou for posting your story, I wish I say more am tied up and can't be on till tommorrow now Ontario Canada EST tomorrow. I know you are going to find very good friends and people here. And it was good PMing with you keep posting. I won't share my story with you as it is very triggering for other abuse survivor's and I keep most of it in my journal on here.
Will be watching this thread. Take care :hug1::hug1::hug1:


Well-known member
Aug 17, 2012
The West Country
I'm ever so sorry to hear about your experiences - how truly awful. :hug1:
I agree with Gajolene and commend your courage for speaking out about this.

Where abouts in the world are you located?
Several of the words you've written makes me presume you're not UK based, so i'm not really very knowledgeable about how things are where you live..
But I presume there must be domestic violence charities and services such as refuges/shelters?
It sounds as though you already know that living with this man is not going to give you the right space or circumstances you need to heal and live a happier life.

I seriously recommend counselling, if you know of any services in your area that you can access then I think it would help you to talk and just have that time to process your feelings in a safe environment.

My situation is a bit different to your own. I have an older brother who moved back into the family home in 2010. He is an alcoholic and incredibly abusive.
I moved into a Women's Refuge in 2011, because I knew that I would either kill myself or be put at serious risk of harm if I stayed.
To this day i'm incredibly traumatised. What struck a chord with me was the part you said about your mother. Sometimes when I try to sleep at night I can hear my Mum screaming too. It's horrible.
Also, it's astounding how situations can be so fucked up and yet the victim stays around for more abuse. :(

But getting my own place (with help from local organisations) and attending weekly counselling is really helping me.
I really wish this for you. I understand how desperate you must have been to leave your Mother's home. I probably would have done something similar and lived with anyone just to get away.

Anyway, I feel like i've wrote a lot and i'm sorry if it's overwhelming.
Just want you to know that I can relate to your situation in some ways and am here if you want to chat.
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