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Doing everything asked of me and still being punished

  • Thread starter TryingMyBestAlways
  • Start date
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TryingMyBestAlways

Active member
Joined
Jul 2, 2019
Messages
42
Location
Exeter
Hi, I’m new. I’ve just recently been diagnosed with BPD AND CPTSD, in a way it’s helped because I’ve been made to feel like I’m an awful person but the diagnosis has aleviated that worry and I now know that I’m not, I am however struggling from the affects of trauma from childhood and a past relationship.


I’m currently on a waiting list for treatment so I’m looking for some advice from anyone who is managing this diagnosis currently.

I had an incident tonight where I tried to voice a concern to my partner and it was greeted with aggression which has made me feel even worse about the situation. Initially I was worried about voicing the worry I had but I managed to talk self round because I didn’t want it to poison my thinking and cause unnecessary harm to our already fractured relationship.

I wondered if I could share this worry and the way I went about it and see if I have in fact done something wrong. Thank you.
 
sadpunchingbag

sadpunchingbag

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Joined
May 29, 2019
Messages
1,399
Location
London
when it comes to your partner it is hard for us to give you a non bias opinion you are here not your partner you may leave out details your partner would say vise versa id say dude just hang in there i used this forum is was a god save
 
Lunus

Lunus

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
888
Location
Norfolk
Hi, I’m new. I’ve just recently been diagnosed with BPD AND CPTSD, in a way it’s helped because I’ve been made to feel like I’m an awful person but the diagnosis has aleviated that worry and I now know that I’m not, I am however struggling from the affects of trauma from childhood and a past relationship.


I’m currently on a waiting list for treatment so I’m looking for some advice from anyone who is managing this diagnosis currently.

I had an incident tonight where I tried to voice a concern to my partner and it was greeted with aggression which has made me feel even worse about the situation. Initially I was worried about voicing the worry I had but I managed to talk self round because I didn’t want it to poison my thinking and cause unnecessary harm to our already fractured relationship.

I wondered if I could share this worry and the way I went about it and see if I have in fact done something wrong. Thank you.
Low self esteem and self worth and the need to be liked or loved can cause tremendous relationship difficulties because you have a tendency to base your decisions on emotions and feelings rather than facts. You can also put up with aggression and abuse because you think you don’t matter. Therapy is essential to your recovery but the waiting lists are long. My advice would be to get some self help books on Mindfulness and DBT (Dialectical Behavioural Therapy). If you are interested and have the intent to recover, and most people can recover, l have found Mindfulness for BPD by Blaise Aguirre and Gillian Galen and The Mindful way out of Depression by Kabat Zinn excellent in giving you the tools to manage your emotions.
 
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Pollypop

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 23, 2015
Messages
1,077
Location
England. Derbyshire
What therapy are you waiting for and are you on
medication.

Hope you don’t think I’m being intrusive.
No need to answer if you feel uncomfortable. X
 
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TryingMyBestAlways

Active member
Joined
Jul 2, 2019
Messages
42
Location
Exeter
What therapy are you waiting for and are you on
medication.

Hope you don’t think I’m being intrusive.
No need to answer if you feel uncomfortable. X
Hiya, I’ve been give olanzapine 2.5mg but I’m too scared to take them so haven’t started them yet and I’m waiting on 6 sessions to find a plan and then counselling, I’m not sure what sort. I was give a diagnosis in March and I’ve heard nothing more, I see my gp as often as I can but I feel like I’ve just been left to deal with this alone and no matter what I try it’s wrong. My partner gets angry because I’ve done things in the past that have impacted on him massively hence me fighting to get a diagnosis and help because I don’t know how to manage these irrational thoughts xx
 
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TryingMyBestAlways

Active member
Joined
Jul 2, 2019
Messages
42
Location
Exeter
when it comes to your partner it is hard for us to give you a non bias opinion you are here not your partner you may leave out details your partner would say vise versa id say dude just hang in there i used this forum is was a god save
I understand that and I will be as honest as my memory will allow to help with any advice I wish to receive.
 
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TryingMyBestAlways

Active member
Joined
Jul 2, 2019
Messages
42
Location
Exeter
Low self esteem and self worth and the need to be liked or loved can cause tremendous relationship difficulties because you have a tendency to base your decisions on emotions and feelings rather than facts. You can also put up with aggression and abuse because you think you don’t matter. Therapy is essential to your recovery but the waiting lists are long. My advice would be to get some self help books on Mindfulness and DBT (Dialectical Behavioural Therapy). If you are interested and have the intent to recover, and most people can recover, l have found Mindfulness for BPD by Blaise Aguirre and Gillian Galen and The Mindful way out of Depression by Kabat Zinn excellent in giving you the tools to manage your emotions.
Thankyou I have bought a couple books but I haven’t started reading them yet, I haven’t found the time, something always gets in the way, I’m trying to get the home routine in place and as structured as I can but currently with my youngest and her teething it’s not happening, as soon as I have free time I just want to do nothing or I get in to bed and just crash at like 2am. I’m desperate for talk therapy because everything I’m trying just isn’t working in regards to this diagnosis
 
Lunus

Lunus

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Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
888
Location
Norfolk
Thankyou I have bought a couple books but I haven’t started reading them yet, I haven’t found the time, something always gets in the way, I’m trying to get the home routine in place and as structured as I can but currently with my youngest and her teething it’s not happening, as soon as I have free time I just want to do nothing or I get in to bed and just crash at like 2am. I’m desperate for talk therapy because everything I’m trying just isn’t working in regards to this diagnosis
Getting medication and not taking it will do you no good at all. Equally your brain will always tell you you haven’t time or don’t have the energy to do exercise or self help. You must show intent to get better or you will get progressively worse. Push through the exhaustion, make a start. It’s a long journey so try to start with the first step. x
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
9,507
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
Hi, I’m new. I’ve just recently been diagnosed with BPD AND CPTSD, in a way it’s helped because I’ve been made to feel like I’m an awful person but the diagnosis has aleviated that worry and I now know that I’m not, I am however struggling from the affects of trauma from childhood and a past relationship.


I’m currently on a waiting list for treatment so I’m looking for some advice from anyone who is managing this diagnosis currently.

I had an incident tonight where I tried to voice a concern to my partner and it was greeted with aggression which has made me feel even worse about the situation. Initially I was worried about voicing the worry I had but I managed to talk self round because I didn’t want it to poison my thinking and cause unnecessary harm to our already fractured relationship.

I wondered if I could share this worry and the way I went about it and see if I have in fact done something wrong. Thank you.
of course you can share things, we're here to help :hug:
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
819
I had an incident tonight where I tried to voice a concern to my partner and it was greeted with aggression which has made me feel even worse about the situation. Initially I was worried about voicing the worry I had but I managed to talk self round because I didn’t want it to poison my thinking and cause unnecessary harm to our already fractured relationship.

I wondered if I could share this worry and the way I went about it and see if I have in fact done something wrong. Thank you.
I just wanted to share my admiration for the courage you showed in trying to tackle a issue which you clearly wasn't comfortable doing. For whatever reason you feel your partner didn't give you the support and understanding you were hoping for, which must be a concern in itself :hug: We are generally a supportive, non-judgemental and understanding group, who will offer our opinions if you would like to give us a brief idea of a situation etc. which is troubling you etc. You mentioned suffering from trauma. Are you able to share briefly what caused it, and the negative impact it is now having on your life and relationships :hug:
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Jan 4, 2013
Messages
9,892
Location
England
Hi,
You could start a private conversation with any of us if you wanted to share.
I'm so sorry this happened to you.
Is your partner often aggressive?
Could you perhaps tell us what scares you about your new meds?
Take care
 
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TryingMyBestAlways

Active member
Joined
Jul 2, 2019
Messages
42
Location
Exeter
Thank you everyone. I disappeared for a bit because I was busy with my children. The medication scares me because I don’t want to become reliant on it to live. I also worry about side affects it may have.
 
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Pink1234

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Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
154
Location
UK
I don’t have experience of the medication you mention but many years ago was on an antidepressant that just helped me to settle to a new way of life because it aided me without being some sort of chemical cosh. I haven’t needed such meds for many years, even though I am now under huge stress caring for my wife who suffers from Depression, GAD and Dementia. Your GP should be happy to wean you off the meds as soon as they aren’t needed.

I have also, in the past, been prescribed meds that caused unpleasant side effects and the GP changed them very quickly.

What I’m saying is that it’s a good idea to try the meds to see if they help as you won’t necessarily be trapped into taking them forever.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
 
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