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Does your partner/family /friends point out that its all your fault

N

NorthernBC

Member
Joined
Jun 25, 2020
Messages
11
How do you cope with people telling you that it is all your fault! (Relationships ending, job loss, fights or even in a dicussion)
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Nov 10, 2019
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765
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England
I try not to tell them much about myself anymore because that invites them to give their opinion and advice. Now i also tell them i don't want their criticism. You have to be firm and tell people how you expect to be treated.
 
N

NorthernBC

Member
Joined
Jun 25, 2020
Messages
11
How do you cope with people telling you that it is all your fault! (Relationships ending, job loss, fights or even in a dicussion)
I feel ashamed sometimes angry... I am going to start DBT therapy next week. I hope to learn coping skilss
 
W

WhySoSerious

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Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
146
Location
UK
How do you cope with people telling you that it is all your fault! (Relationships ending, job loss, fights or even in a dicussion)
Is it all your fault? We need to start with that position. Are you acting in ways that are ineffective and lead to things going wrong in life? If you are then the first step is to acknowledge that you are and plan how you are going to change those behaviours moving forward.

If you aren't then we need to look at why they are saying this. All behaviour is caused. So why would they say that? I first want to find out what's driving those accusations because something is. It may be that people don't understand your behaviours, they see someone who may look competent in managing acting in what they deem to be irrational ways.

We must remember that our behaviours are the solutions to feeling emotionally intense. We self-harm, we get into fights, we take drugs/alcohol we do all this stuff with the aim of solving our pain. That makes NO SENSE to your average person.

It sounds like they are invalidating you a whole lot. What steps have you taken to address this with them? The fact is if they don't know they are doing it (most actually don't) then how can they be mindful not to respond to you in that way in the future? If they do know they are doing it then being clear what the expectations are is the first step. There are set social rules and it may well be that they feel they can "get away" with saying its your fault because they know they are able to.

It'd be really good to get a flavor of what you do that they blame you for...
 
Mal84

Mal84

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Jan 15, 2020
Messages
1,203
Location
Hovering in the Atlantic
How do you cope with people telling you that it is all your fault! (Relationships ending, job loss, fights or even in a dicussion)
I live in that environment and it’s a case of distraction for me hence why I’m always scrolling through something on my phone.

Just remember that no matter how much they say it’s your fault, it’s not!

Take care
 
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