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Does this sound like BPD?

T

totenkopf

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Mar 27, 2015
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Hi all this is my first post and I would be grateful for any opinions and advice.
The person in question is my ex girlfriend of whom I dated for ten months. I am 28 and she is 26.
Her mother is Schizophrenic as was her grandmother. My ex girlfriend was on medication for Anxiety but did not take this medication as she claimed I made her so happy.

The relationship started after we got in touch after a mutual friend had died, she contacted me to tell me and we ended up starting a relationship in Jan 2014. I had known her for many years as she used to be in a relationship with a friend and also had a child with him, when our relationship started they had been separated for four years.

The relationship progressed very quickly and she claimed that she had always wanted to be with me for years. She cut all contact with the father of her son many years before and referred to him as " Douche bag" and never by his name. Her sons name was the same as his fathers and she calls her son by his middle name. Her son would call his grandfather " dad " which I found very strange. I was introduced into her sons life very quickly and we would always be together and go out at weekends and evenings. She had a very vast history of sexual partners mainly one night stands and other than the father of her son all relationships were short term not being more than three months. We had many arguments during our relationship and she would always be very quick to walk away and go into town and get drunk, she would always send a string of texts and attempt to call repeatedly to say how sorry she was and how much she loved me but I would often be asleep by this point. Often when I would call her the next morning she would deny ever texting or calling me and carry the argument on.

Regardless of the arguments we were very close and had discussed marriage, moving in together and even childrens names. She had even purchased a wedding dress and helped me with my divorce as I was still married at the time and my now ex wife was making things complicated. She was calling venues and looking at wedding cakes etc. She would often leave her son in my sole care if she had gone to work or was busy and had even spoke of changing his surname when we got married days before she left. The final weeks of the relationship I had wrapped up every present that she had got her son and when I suggested I would purchase a separate card she said she wanted us to give him a joint card which was a really nice feeling and really touched me. A week before she left she viewed a flat for us to move into together along with her son which was perfect for us. The next few days we even made a list of what we would need to furnish the flat. She had told me that she dreamt the date we would marry would be 11.02.15

One night all was fine when suddenly she made an issue out of something and said she was going to bed when I did not follow her she came back down stared at me then went back upstairs and began packing the presents I had wrapped. She walked out and accused me of pushing her out of the house and further pushing her once she was outside which is not true.I noticed she had taken my mobile phone and deleted images of herself from my laptop. She also claimed that other ex boyfriends had pushed her.
She broke all contact with me a week later.

Two months on she is in a new relationship with a bouncer at her work. He is everything she claimed to hate. She is a vegetarian and would express her hatred of hunting, once she even shouted verbal abuse at a man shooting pigeons and suggested we got an air horn to hamper him. Also she expressed a dislike of graffiti and gangster types. Her new boyfriend shoots animals, does graffiti and has a gold tooth and wears a lot of gold. After a month and a half they became engaged with all facebook tack to go with it. I have since been sent a picture of the ring by her new boyfriend and been told that she never loved me and that I was ugly and many other insults. I have found out after the break up that she had lied about things ranging from making out that we had shared a certain intimate act for her first time and even asking me if I had remembered the date when we had first shared the experience together to lying about having never eaten eggs which she has taken from her sons father who does not eat eggs.

I also noticed there are a lot of date similarities such as our mutual friend dying on 11.12.13 her dream of marriage on 11.02.15 and leaving me on 11.10.14

Once again would be most grateful for any opinions and advice, Thank you.
 
H

Helena1

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Sounds like you need to move on.
 
*autumn*

*autumn*

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Dear totenkopf, :welcome: to the forum.

I'm sorry things have not worked out for you with regards to the relationship.

It seems you've been mistreated and to send you said picture, insult you and deny ever loving you are harsh things.
From what you've written about your ex-partner having a vast history of sexual partners, she might possibly have BPD, thus finding it hard to commit.

I hope you are in a better place.

With love,
autumnal
 
C

ChesireCat

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I didn't read his thread, nor will I because its not for us to say. But just because someone has a vast history of sexual partners does not mean she might possibly have bpd. I find that terribly offensive AS.
 
T

totenkopf

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If you did not read it how do you know what was written?
 
T

totenkopf

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Thanks Autumnalsprinkles
I was thinking more along the lines of her switching her views as and taking aspects from other people that may point towards BPD
 
*autumn*

*autumn*

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I took the effort to read to try and give advise, as this member "would be grateful for any opinions and advice". The words i used were "might possibly" and not "she does".
 
T

totenkopf

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You did indeed make the effort to give your opinion and thank you.:)
 
*autumn*

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"The result is that BPDers typically have more sexual partners and enter into many more relationships than is true for "Nons" (nonBPDers). A recent meta-analysis (i.e., summary of multiple studies on this issue) found that "BPD features are associated with having more partners and engaging in more casual sexual relationships" (citing Sansone & Wiederman, 2009)."
 
F

Fantail

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She seems like a girl who just wants a father for her son, a husband and to be a family. Many single parents seek that perfection. They might therefore read too much into a more casual relationship although it sounds like she might be insecure and needed you to fight for her (you didn't follow her) which she may have seen as rejection. If her mother has schizophrenia maybe this was the cause of her sensitivity to rejection. Sleeping around suggests a need to be loved. She's a bit screwed up but probably a lovely person who just wants to be cared for.

That's my impression of the limited information you gave.
 
T

totenkopf

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Thank you I by no means was implying or judging people with this disorder as all the same I was talking about the woman in question and was listing the most outstanding things about her and her lifestyle I suppose next people will assume I am implying all BPD are vegetarians.
 
*autumn*

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My apologies if i have offended.
 
F

Fantail

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You are being defensive.

I didn't mention nor think about bpd. I actually thought someone with bpd mighg threaten suicide if you didn't show your love for them but that is a stereotype.

I think you might be pathologising sadness and people just working out their issues but then psychiatrists do that so why wouldn't the public.
 
T

totenkopf

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Thanks Fantail
I really do not know about wanting someone to be a father to her son as she is a very poor mother and if I am honest she holds some sort of resentment against her son. I was very much invested in this girl and her child and did everything to show her that. I wish I could say she was a lovely person but unfortunately she has proven herself to be the lowest of the low. Thanks again
 
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