- Mar 13, 2018
First of all i'm not expecting anyone to diagnose me nor am i trying to self-diagnose myself. I am going to go to talk to someone professionally about my mental health soon but for now i just wanted to ask this question to get an idea of where my mental health could lie. I'm 22 years old and since a teenager i've suffered with anxiety and social anxiety. Also i've struggled with paranoia in the sense that i always feel like people are attacking me. I find hidden meanings in certain sentences peoples use around me even if it's a totally non-hostile environment. This has caused a lot of my relationships to break down and i've lost friends over it. I have mood swings a lot and they can be quite severe but i'm not sure if they fit the bipolar type of mood swings? IT can change very quick for me and usually the reason is very subtle and something that i know if i said it to someone else they would think i'm a bit mad for changing my mood that quick over something they probably wouldn't understand. I often have times where i feel "high" like i'm on drugs and i get all these ideas coming into my head and i just need to talk to someone about them. It's usually a family member i talk to when this happens as i have social anxiety so i only really feel comfortable around them. I pace up and down and start rambling on about these ideas and it can be hard for me to get my point across sometimes because i speak too fast and my thoughts feel all jumbled up. I also have anger issues and have had pretty intense outbursts in my teenage years and even recently (within the last year and a half). Also for the last year and a half i've been overcome with an extreme amount of guilt for different things i've done in my life. This guilt haunts me and i constantly question my own morals. I can start feeling guilty for even little things too and make them out to be worse than they are. I also get alot of intrusive thoughts. I hate when i get these and i know it's my anxiety causing it. (or at least thats what i think). My mind comes up with the worst possible things i can think of and i try to push them out of my head. I end up feeling really guilty for even having such thoughts. I would never act out on these thoughts and have no desire to they are merely just thoughts that come into my head. i also go from low self esteem to really cocky at times too. I have a lot of ups and downs in my mood as well and find it very hard to finish things. I also think people are out to get me a lot or when i was a teenager i used to constantly think my friends were plotting against me to push me out of the friend group.