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Does this sound like a mental health problem?

J

J-Go

New member
Joined
Feb 7, 2009
Messages
2
I was with my girlfriend for over 4 years. She broke up with me about two months ago. In the weeks before we broke up, she became a person I barely recognized.
She ditched our plans to hang out with "new work friends"
She talked about wanting to move out of her apartment because it was "suffocating"
She declared she didn't believe in marriage, and didn't want kids
She said she had no idea what she wanted in life
She gave no explanation for the break-up other than "I'm confused about everything and can't be in a relationship anymore."

Originally I chalked this up to some sort of quarter life crisis. But more odd stuff has come out recently.

-She has almost abandoned all of the mutual friends we had, as well as friends that were hers from before the relationship began.
-She only contacts people when she needs something (a ride somewhere, someone to feed her cat when she's on business)
-One friend noted(while feeding her cat) that her apartment was a complete mess, like it hadn't been cleaned in a month. This is completely out of character for her.
-another friend noted that after a movie, she wanted to go home immediately, and rushed off. Any other time, she would have been up for drinks.
-she hangs out exclusively with work friends who she had previously said to be "too much drama". She had previously opposed the mixing of work and personal life, now that's all that mixes.

Even this probably wouldn't have sent me to a mental health site, were it not for her family history. Her mother has a multitude of mental health problems that over 15 years managed to destroy the family. Her brother and several aunts also suffer from depression.

I know that no one can diagnose anything from this description, but does this sound like anything? Friends and family are worried, but she doesn't really return phone calls. Or when she does, she refuses to talk about how she is feeling.

She has no interest in talking to me. How do I figure out if she's ok?
 
lucid scream

lucid scream

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Jan 22, 2008
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She has no interest in talking to me. How do I figure out if she's ok?
i have a bad habit of being blunt, but-
you dont. you broke up. you should let her go. to me, it sounds like shes trying to put some distance between you and her. maybe im wrong, i often am.
 
J

J-Go

New member
Joined
Feb 7, 2009
Messages
2
it sounds like shes trying to put some distance between you and her. maybe im wrong, i often am.
You're definitely right, which is why I'm not contacting her in any way. The issue isn't the break-up, it's that I'm concerned that her thought process is mimicking her mother's, who has a long history of mental illness.
She has brief contact with a bunch of mutual friends and family(I'm very close to her brothers), and they all keep telling me of a strange thing she may have said or done. I'm the only one that has all of these pieces, and recognizes the patterns of thinking that she so hated in her mom have become part of her life.

So the question remains, does this sound like a mental health thing that needs some sort of attention?
And if it does, do I have any responsibility to try to help(obviously not personally, as she clearly doesn't want that, but perhaps through a friend or brother)?
 
T

Twylight

Guest
You're definitely right, which is why I'm not contacting her in any way. The issue isn't the break-up, it's that I'm concerned that her thought process is mimicking her mother's, who has a long history of mental illness.
She has brief contact with a bunch of mutual friends and family(I'm very close to her brothers), and they all keep telling me of a strange thing she may have said or done. I'm the only one that has all of these pieces, and recognizes the patterns of thinking that she so hated in her mom have become part of her life.

So the question remains, does this sound like a mental health thing that needs some sort of attention?
And if it does, do I have any responsibility to try to help(obviously not personally, as she clearly doesn't want that, but perhaps through a friend or brother)?
Yes, it possibly could be a MH issue - can you keep an eye on her from a distance - if it is a mental health problem - the chances are it'll get worse
 
D

Dollit

Guest
You can't assume that she has a mental health problem because her life style has changed. Perhaps the life she had was stifling her and now she's living the life she wants. I was in a long relationship and it nearly killed me. I have fun now and it's wonderful. I've lost a lot of weight and I'm enjoying life but my ex tells people he worries about me because I've become reckless and have become too thin.

Two sides to all stories - that's the baseline.

Reconcile yourself with the fact you have split up and if she wants to make it a clean break then recover from the split and move on.
 
S

schizolanza

ACCOUNT CLOSED
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Sep 22, 2008
Messages
3,160
You don't come across as reckless in your posts Dollit:)

I agree with twylight.If there is a MH problem,it will get worse.But at the moment it looks like a drastic change of lifestyle.
 
D

Dollit

Guest
It's because I have fun Olanza - we didn't have fun, laughing in public was prohibited and these days I run through fountains!
 
D

darkorchid30

Active member
Joined
Feb 2, 2009
Messages
26
Hi, I hope you're Ok :) If her behaviour is distinctly different from usual and for a good while then she may, possibly have some kind of problem.

The issue is that it may be hard to tell if it is a real problem or a reaction to and dealing with the break up. We all cope differently and it may just be her coping mechanism.

If you're worried maybe ask a good mutual friend to approach your ex and see if she's OK. I very much hope she is OK. You're obviously a very caring person for being so concerned :)

Take care

Hugs and nice thoughts

Orchidxxx
 
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