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Does this girl have BPD?



New member
Mar 3, 2019
Been seeing this girl and suspecting if she's showing signs of having BPD. Met her from one of my social group of friends. In the beginning when we were spending time together it was like we were in our own universe. She'd cling to my every word, she'd do anything to please me. But I noticed some strange behaviours initially that I kind of ignored. Random, odd responses to neutral things. She'd say something like "call me, I miss the sound of your voice", I'd reply I'll call her a bit later because I'm driving and she'd send back a provocative reply of "that's fine, I won't want to hear your voice later anyways".

We play volleyball together and she flares up easy. Some kids were hitting balls in a court next to us and kept hitting to our side. After the 3rd time they hit a ball to our side she yelled out "HOLY FUCK". When we play a game and we mess up, or she messes up, she angrily throws the ball. She flares up and cools down fast during games. I've called her on it, and she cries and says she has a bit of an anger problem and she's tried to tone it down, but I dont' know if she can't help it or not..

After 3 months or so she'd start to throw out hypothetical questions such as what kind of house I'd like to live in, what music would I want played at a wedding, how I'd raise kids. Ever since, she's been pushing commitment and marriage.
As time went on though, the amount of drama from her increased and increased to the point she'd get mad over thing such as.....

1. Me leaving a drop-in game to practice in a court next to hers before the gym was going to close in 5 minutes, she said was "incredibly rude" and I "abandoned" her. She got angry and when I didn't entertain it, she said "I hate you, don't talk to me ever again". After laughing it off, she cools down and pretends like she wasn't that mad to begin with.

2. Got mad that I didn't offer to come over to play with her dog when it was his birthday and that I somehow didn't care about him and by extension her.

3. I didn't apparently answer the right way when she was sick and again accused me of not caring about her.

4. She asked me to quantify how important I was to her, and when I didn't quantify it exactly to her liking she got angry, then cried.

5. She tried to control and argue with me how I spend my own money even though we aren't married or even live together.

6. Got a haircut she didn't like, then got angry and refused to kiss me, when she saw how I was about ready to drive off she immediately backed off and tried to shower me with affection again. Similarly when she wanted to get cuff links and I very politely thought it wasn't necessary to spend that kind of money, she got PISSED and withheld affection until I again, I had to ignore her then she came back.

She seems to have serious issues with being alone. Whenever I stay the night over at her place, she becomes depressed when I have to leave and says things like "I wish I could keep you forever with me".

Now I see her being incredibly happy with me one moment, and then literally the very next moment she'll remember how her friend is traveling to Japan and like a switch she becomes unhappy and says shit like her life is meaningless without being to travel this year, and it's my fault (due to my job).

Does she have BPD? Because there are things that I do really like about her despite the emotional rollercoaster she's putting me through.
Last edited by a moderator:


Nov 7, 2018
even if she does have BPD, being controlling to the extent you've described here isn't okay

if she is willing to get help then things might improve even if it's slow going

but if she doesn't want help I'm not sure a relationship like this can be maintained too long unless you are comfortable being someone's punching bag and emotional dildo

and yes things will get A LOT worse if she is already controlling how you spend your money, what you do when you aren't with her, not being happy with how you respond etc..

this probably isn't the advice or answer you wanted, but as you probably posted this without her permission I'm not going to say what I think in regards to if she has BPD or not