• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

does this annoy you? x

Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
35,255
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
when people online think you are well and happy
when although you may be a little happier
you still really struggle in life and relationships and everything x

people see fairy Lu but they don't see how i struggle in real life

if you only knew what i had been through and how i still
struggle

yes im funny and bubbly but im not just that
lots of the time still want to hurt myself and die and struggle so so badly with identity feelings of sadness emptiness and mood swings

i think 2 people in my life know who i truly am x
 
Lavender_Rose

Lavender_Rose

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 12, 2020
Messages
738
Location
United States
I'm sorry you are struggling so much. There always more to people than what you see, so I try not to judge people based off the image that project to the world.
 
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Wanttofeelpeace5

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 8, 2020
Messages
422
Location
New zealand
The world annoys me and treats me like shit .. I'm over it .honesty has destroyed my life
 
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dewey

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,164
Yeah, this makes sense. You are definitely a big giver, you give so much to others, and you do give joy to others, but this doesn't mean that you necessarily feel that way inside? That's a commendable quality.
I'm sorry things are still tricky, but I do think you are a fighter and you are truly valued.
X
 
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dewey

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,164
I think I get what you mean, people who have no idea about me, often say thoughtless things, they don't realise what I am actually going through or what I have been through in my life. Some people think they can make judgements about me, without actually knowing me or my story.

It's really irritating, and I often wish they would keep their words to themself.
Like when people at work always say I am 'sweet, innocent, always smiling' this sort of thing irritates the hell out of me. They truly have no idea how dark my life has been and that the reason I am like that with others is basically just cause I don't want others to go through the hell I have been through, or I don't want others to know what I am going through.

Reading that back, it probably sounds like I'm trying to paint myself as some kind of martyr, but it's true, other people don't have any clue, and they make their dumb judgements, which are just based on the surface.
 
S

Scribblsandbits

Member
Joined
Aug 1, 2020
Messages
9
Location
Calgary
when people online think you are well and happy
when although you may be a little happier
you still really struggle in life and relationships and everything x

people see fairy Lu but they don't see how i struggle in real life

if you only knew what i had been through and how i still
struggle

yes im funny and bubbly but im not just that
lots of the time still want to hurt myself and die and struggle so so badly with identity feelings of sadness emptiness and mood swings

i think 2 people in my life know who i truly am x
I've been told, a LOT of people who suffer with mental health are often the funniest, most friendly person in the room. For me, I definitely deflect with humour, if I am distressed I change the subject with a joke. You have to be real with someone. You can pick, however its good to have someone who knows your real narrative and can be your sounding board. For me I know how it feels to feel shitty, so I try to make everyone feel good or at ease around me.

Talk therapy for me helps. And drugs.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
3,286
Location
Nashua NH
I think sometimes if there is something we are uncomfortable with about our lives or about ourselves it can be pleasurable to develop a persona we can escape into that is only partly a true representation of us. This persona can allow us to escape our state of unhappiness or discomfort by providing a different reality for us to inhabit and step into. The online environment makes it very easy to do and I think there are many people that create dual personas or personalities this way. You have been honest in recent postings about some of your sadness and your struggles. If you would like people to understand your real self better you
can certainly feel comfortable being your real self among your friends here. :hug:
 
B

Blackrose09

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 24, 2020
Messages
336
Location
Somewhere
I think sometimes if there is something we are uncomfortable with about our lives or about ourselves it can be pleasurable to develop a persona we can escape into that is only partly a true representation of us. This persona can allow us to escape our state of unhappiness or discomfort by providing a different reality for us to inhabit and step into. The online environment makes it very easy to do and I think there are many people that create dual personas or personalities this way. You have been honest in recent postings about some of your sadness and your struggles. If you would like people to understand your real self better you
can certainly feel comfortable being your real self among your friends here. :hug:
...
 
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WhySoSerious

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
163
Location
UK
It's called apparent competence.

The theory is that BPD individuals find it harder to communicate feelings and difficulties with others some of the time. They often appear competent, in control etc and it is only when things get overwhelming that they move into active passivity (demanding others solve our problems for us). Apparent competence is often due to the fact individuals believe they are stating how they feel in a clear way but either 1) they don't communicate it and expect others to mind read or understand how they feel without being told or 2) communicate it but their non=verbal communication is at odds with what they are saying. For example, I say I feel terrible but my body language doesn't match it. When faced with this, the average person will almost always trust non-verbals over what you say verbally.

Its also well known that depending on mood states some BPD people can function "well" in one situation but differently in the same situation under different mood/affect. This makes things very confusing for the person and people around them. If you can cope once in a situation why not all the time? That is what the average person will ask themselves (and maybe you).
 
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WhySoSerious

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
163
Location
UK
I think I get what you mean, people who have no idea about me, often say thoughtless things, they don't realise what I am actually going through or what I have been through in my life. Some people think they can make judgements about me, without actually knowing me or my story.

It's really irritating, and I often wish they would keep their words to themself.
Like when people at work always say I am 'sweet, innocent, always smiling' this sort of thing irritates the hell out of me. They truly have no idea how dark my life has been and that the reason I am like that with others is basically just cause I don't want others to go through the hell I have been through, or I don't want others to know what I am going through.

Reading that back, it probably sounds like I'm trying to paint myself as some kind of martyr, but it's true, other people don't have any clue, and they make their dumb judgements, which are just based on the surface.
Just curious whether you have actually actively told people how you feel? People will always make assumptions based on what you look like - they take non-verbal cues at face value, that is human nature. They can't mind read.
 
D

dewey

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,164
It's called apparent competence.

The theory is that BPD individuals find it harder to communicate feelings and difficulties with others some of the time. They often appear competent, in control etc and it is only when things get overwhelming that they move into active passivity (demanding others solve our problems for us). Apparent competence is often due to the fact individuals believe they are stating how they feel in a clear way but either 1) they don't communicate it and expect others to mind read or understand how they feel without being told or 2) communicate it but their non=verbal communication is at odds with what they are saying.
Nopeeeeee, this isn't it - I do not expect others to read me at all.
Mainly I act the way I do, different to how I am actually feeling, is because I got good at acting after I learnt that no one in the world actually gives a shit about how I ACTUALLY feel except very few people who are close to me, so I would never ever ever show my emotions to people I work with, they have no idea that often inside I am wanting to die, when I have a huge massive smile on my face and am laughing with people and being professional. This is because I know most often, they can't relate to what I am going through as someone with mental health issues, and people in the work place always seem to judge people with mental health problems from past experience I Have been MASSIVELY discriminated against for having mental health issues and/or occasionally being emotional at work (Emotional, ha, it's not as if I'm human or anything) so I would never take the risk again of showing people my true self. I keep it all inside me and I act all day long because I know if I don't I will a) not be taken seriously at work b) I may lose my job c) people will judge me.
This is why I have created a positive, happy, always smiley persona that I act out. It has nothing to do with wanting people to read my mind at all.

Actually, I would simply expect people to not be so basic as to assume that someone is "innocent" and "sweet" and "always happy, always smiling" when they barely actually know the person. In any case, even if they are making these dumb judgements in their head, they can keep their opinions to themself. Who are they to comment as to how I come across? Nothing about my life has been sweet or innocent, and I have been fucked over a lot of times. What I am saying is a lot of people have VERY limited and basic ways of thinking about other people - they assume that just because people are a certain way, they truly feel a certain way within themselves. That's not true and is a very basic perception of other human beings that proves these people don't have much emotional intelligence or life experience.

Just because someone smiles at others or gives a lot to others, that doesn't make them a happy person. Quite often, exactly the opposite is true
 
D

dewey

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,164
Just curious whether you have actually actively told people how you feel? People will always make assumptions based on what you look like - they take non-verbal cues at face value, that is human nature. They can't mind read.
Hahaha, as if I would actively tell these people I work with how I feel.
The people I have worked with in the past have been extremely judgemental of mental health problems and discriminated against me and judged me.
People have judged me in the past as someone emotionally weak, and therefore not capable of getting a promotion, despite me being 100% invested in my job and by their own judgement, amazing at my job. Instead of supporting me, they decide I am "not strong enough".
Sorry but fuck being open about how I actually feel. I would never ever make that mistake again in my life. People are snakes, and hypocrites too. For example someone who themselves had taken a whole month of work due to having a breakdown later criticised me, saying that the pressures of a promotion would be too much for me. As if she had any right to discriminate against me, when she herself recently had a breakdown, yet went straight back into working in a senior position. Also, people who have judged me at work have done their own dumb shit like having extra-marital affairs, to deal with their own failures, and stresses, which I personally have never done and would never do. Alll these people think they can throw their judgements at me, but they are basically the hugest hypocrites of them all.
So yeah, I Would never tell these kinds of low lifes how I feel inside, and I will continue to put on a front and act out a happy smiley persona, just so I never have to go through the humiliation of being judged by low lifes like that. Always keep your emotions out of your working life, you can trust no one and despite what they say, there is very little empathy towards mental health problems in the workplace, trust me. Society is not that advanced yet, and where people can judge someone with mental health problems, be it depression or otherwise, they will.
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 30, 2010
Messages
5,065
Location
Bristol, TN/VA, USA (near mountains and 6 hours fr
People do not want to see my pain. and they can be very cruel and judgmental. I should get back in therapy where I am understood. Otherwise, I mostly keep to myself. I can put on "normal" and be the decent, kind and caring person when I really need to. But I twice I have given someone my total trust and they became mean...one just last week, so I am not in a very good mood about this. But at least I have finally learned better boundaries so that if someone is mean to me, I block them from my life. I think many people are very shallow. a person who is depressed and in pain is no fun to be around...so they ghost you in order to go on with their more fun companions. I know that people here are far more understanding, helpful, genuine and kind. That is why I am here today. (((hugs)))
 
GhostOfLenin

GhostOfLenin

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 16, 2020
Messages
172
Location
Glasgow
People do not want to see my pain. and they can be very cruel and judgmental. I should get back in therapy where I am understood. Otherwise, I mostly keep to myself. I can put on "normal" and be the decent, kind and caring person when I really need to. But I twice I have given someone my total trust and they became mean...one just last week, so I am not in a very good mood about this. But at least I have finally learned better boundaries so that if someone is mean to me, I block them from my life. I think many people are very shallow. a person who is depressed and in pain is no fun to be around...so they ghost you in order to go on with their more fun companions. I know that people here are far more understanding, helpful, genuine and kind. That is why I am here today. (((hugs)))
Humans can be cruel and unkind. Hence why i live with animals. But people on here are really nice so your in the right place
 
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