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Does my ex-girlfriend suffer from bipolar disorder?

R

Rotstift

Member
Joined
Dec 23, 2018
Messages
5
#1
Dear members,

I am from Germany and looking for help and support. Unfortunately, I cannot find many information on german webpages, thus I signed up here to get some support and your assessment.

Current situation is quite complicated. My ex-girlfriend broke up 2 months ago as she lost feelings. But before, her behaviour changed and she wrote weird things via WhatsApp. But let me explain everything in detail:

I was in a romantic relationship with my girlfriend for 5,5 years. We met with 18 (she) and 19 years. We were a very good team. Never had to argue and always had fun. During these 5,5 years we also lived together in a flat while studying. Approx. 1,5 years ago, I got my Bachelor's degree so we decided to move back to our parents in our common home city. She does not have any friends (!). Just some mere acquaintance (just males). But I never had a problem that she met with these males. It was all just on a friendship basis.

Time passed, but unfortunately she had bad fatalities in her family. Her lovely grandma, living a house next to hers, died. 4 months later, her father had a very bad stroke and is now disabled. Whole family situation changed, she was in the hospital every evening during last months. He will not came back home and will need full-time care in a nursing home.

3 months ago, my girlfriend suddenly wrote weird things. To that time, she did not need to sleep any more. She wrote poems during the night. Something she has never made before. Suddenly she also said that she is not satisfied with our relationship. I thought, a 2 weeks break could be an option in order to find together again and thinking about feelings to each other. We agreed on neither seeing or contacting us during these 2 weeks. But just some days later she wrote whatsapp messenges to me. I tried to ignore these and wrote a letter about my feelings to her and printed out some pictures of us. She got it and said that she had to cry while reading it.

She also wrote that she does not deserve me and how I interpret our break and if we are still in a relationship. I answered "yes", of course, but she responded as follows:

During the past weeks she does not see any limits and just need 2-3 hours of sleep at night to feel well. Everything does not matter and she is very impulsive. I do not deserve everything what she has done and is doing. She feels unpredictable and has a suddenly complete change in her moral and behaviour but she feels very happy. She dodged paying the fare: something she would never ever do!!! She wondered and informed in the internet about that. The consultant said to her that she might have symptoms of bipolar disorder.
After that she came to my home and broke up. She also said that she cheated on me (just in her mind) with a mere acquaintance because she is having a crush on him. That is the reason she wanted to break up as she does not love me anymore.

I was severly shocked and decided to make an appointment at a psychologists - I thought she needed professional help as she also tried to get help but just with an internet hotline. Suddenly she did not have any disease insight. She feels well and do not want that this will stop. "After every high episode will also follow a deep episode - but now she is happy to have such a good mood despite the very bad family situation." She wanted to enjoy her mood and her mere acquaintance is a good deflection. She now meet him more frequently.

Weeks passed and she wrote very hurtful things and wrote that she still have a crush on him but still see future with me. She had lack of emotions, was cold. At least that was my believing.

Last week she wrote that she wants to have contact with me again but just on a friendship basis. That's her biggest wish. I responded that I cannot have just a friendship relationship and never will be able to just be a friend. Because I will always love her. We are not on the same level with our feelings and I do not want to suffer from this situation. I have not seen her for 2 months but we wrote WhatsApp messenges.

Now I do not know how to go on. First question is, if she really has bipolar disorder and currently is in her mania and thus fall in a manic love that will disappear when she get depression. I really hope that she fall in love with me again. She said, that she is often missing me but just as a friend. I do not know how to treat her. She really hurt me but I still love her.

- What do you say about that history?
- Do you think she has a bipolar disorder?
- Should I wait for the depression?
- How much time can pass after a depression starts after a mania?

Thank you very much!
 
Last edited:
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2015
Messages
11,359
Location
Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
#2
:welcome: to the forum, Rotstift. I am not a doctor, but it sounds like her grandmother's death and father's illness greatly impacted her stability. Not sleeping much is a bipolar feature. How did she deal with the family issues ?? Did she mourn or grieve ?? Or did she go right into manic behavior ??
 
R

Rotstift

Member
Joined
Dec 23, 2018
Messages
5
#3
Hey, thank you for your quick response.

Death of her grandma was painfull for her but she recovered. Most painfull was the sudden stroke of her dad, I guess. First time she was really shocked and sad. But after some weeks she told me, that she blame herselves that she is not as sad as her mother and sister. She said she now has to slip into the role of her father who always was the calm pole of the family and has to be the backup for her mother and sister. She now does manage the situation quite well.

It seems to be a little bit creepy but I am tracking her online status of WhatsApp and Facebook with an online tool in order to deduce how she's sleeping. Main problem is that she does not trust anyone but her mere acquaintance after her mother and I made the appointment for the psycholigst. So we are not able to get any information from her about her current situation. She still seems not to sleep very well as she is often online during night with Facebook and Whatsapp. Average sleeping time must be approx. 3-4 hours. Some days maybe more or she is doing anything different but Facebook and Whatsapp.

I also made her a video of us with clips of our 5 year's relationship. She said, she does not want to see it right now because she would suffer that she does not love me anymore, has hurt me for the past weeks and she does not want to make her crazy because she wants to be there for her mother and sister.

I just want to avoid that we will lose her if she fell in depression. (Precondition: she really has bipolar disorder)
 
R

Rotstift

Member
Joined
Dec 23, 2018
Messages
5
#4
Symptoms described in my first post started approx 2 months after the stroke of her dad.

Just another hint: She also took antidepressants some years ago because of depressions and anxiety disorder. She stopped on her own taking these medicaments. She said that the illness and death of her family members have changed her mind and behaviour. She is now used to mourning, she said She also stopped taking birth controle pills some weeks ago so she thinks that this was also a reason of her depressions.
 
Last edited:
A

Aurelius

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 14, 2018
Messages
291
#6
Does anyone have some advice?
The chronology of events you describe and your ex-girlfriend's emotional (i.e., mood swings) and bio-psycho-social responses suggest that she may be experiencing symptoms very frequently associated with traumatic grief/PTSD. The only meaningful advice I can give you is to encourage her to access some support.

Here is a web link to some information that you might find helpful - Sudden - Sudden bereavement: responses and care after a month


Further to this, I feel it important to very strongly endorse one of the key points made - "..... it is also important to keep emphasising that the underlying cause of the traumatic grief or PTSD is the sudden bereavement, and that traumatic grief and PTSD are common following sudden bereavement. It is not a sign of weakness, or unusual, that the bereaved person is suffering these definable responses. The bereaved person should accept appropriate support for their responses."

Finally, it is important to realise that in a small number of cases these grief responses can continue for 2 or more years - and in rare instances across the person's lifespan. This is why seeking early support is so important.
 
R

Rotstift

Member
Joined
Dec 23, 2018
Messages
5
#7
Thank you for your response. It seems that my ex-girlfriend slowly falls in depression. I heard that she is just at home watching movies and is not doing anything anymore. She also contacted me that she feels sorry and misses me.

I will wait and see how things are doing.
 
A

Aurelius

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 14, 2018
Messages
291
#8
Thank you for your response. It seems that my ex-girlfriend slowly falls in depression. I heard that she is just at home watching movies and is not doing anything anymore. She also contacted me that she feels sorry and misses me.

I will wait and see how things are doing.
Given the risk taking behaviour and volatile moods alluded to in your previous posts, this sounds more optimistic - as apart from being safer, there is evidence of reflective thinking and the return of empathy.

I fully agree with your decision - watchful waiting is probably the most appropriate response at present. I wish you both well.