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Does it get better?

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Worriedyin

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Oct 2, 2019
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Hi all,

I'm currently being treated for first episode psychosis and things are going relatively well, by some standards.

I work part time, I'm in a relationship, I'm compliant with my medication and have seen a cessation of symptoms (delusions, didn't have any hallucinations etc) but...

I feel like one of my more persistent delusions is rearing it's ugly head again and I feel so defeated. I'm at a stage where I'm tapering down on medication and it's been a long drawn out process and I'm feeling really down that I'm possibly becoming symptomatic even on medication.

My medical team keep reassuring me that I'm a low risk for relapse but even though I'm being treated for first episode, I know for a fact I've been mildly psychotic before which was attributed to various things like intrusive thoughts etc.

Have you been able to recover enough to have a 'normal' life again or does this illness just keep bubbling up? Don't know what to think today.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Hi,
I've had several episodes of psychosis, was intially diagnosed with schizophenia. Now I'm just under the group of psychosis as my new psychiatrist isn't sure which I fit with best.
I'm on anti-psychotics Aripipazole injections monthly, I don't have delusions/psychosis anymore.
I do try to keep positive that helps.
Stress triggers me terribly, which is why I try to minimise it carefully.
Yes the meds have helped, however I've gone up 4 dress sizes and developed diabetes.
Not everyone reacts like this.
Take care
 
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Worriedyin

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Oct 2, 2019
Messages
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Hi Mayflower,

Good to hear your story. One doctor at the hospital gave me a provisional diagnosis of schizophrenia which I took very hard but the team I'm with have said just psychosis as don't have enough negative symptoms.

I've gone up two dress sizes and my hair texture has changed and I've started greying, I look absolutely awful but there's not much I can do about it! It's still much better than being psychotic which was really scary and alienating.

It's so frustrating as I don't know if I'll be able to hold down a professional job again in the future etc etc etc. I am normally pretty positive but just down the worry rabbit hole tonight.
 
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natalie

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Aug 1, 2014
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11,780
Hi,

Sounds to me that your medication the ones that you have been compliant with might need to be increased to a higher dose, in order to prevent a relapse. I would contact your team, and get a urgent appointment booked in, and see the pshychartrist, and they can assess you further.

I am slightly overweight, not that drastic weight gain. I know i need to drop a stone off weight.

Best regards.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Hi Lynn,
Thanks,
Lots of people do return to work, I can't as I have physical illnesses as well.
Good luck
 
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linus

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Being aware of your delusions is an important thing for self-care and path to recovery. What is the persistent delusion? Do you do some therapy? For how long are you taking the meds and what is your dose now?
 
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Worriedyin

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Hi Natalie, I have a psychiatrist appointment soon and will mention it. I'm probably being over cautious as I'm challenging my cognition and it's not a delusion at the moment because I don't believe it to be true, it's just a worrisome thought. I will mention it though.

Hi Linus, thanks. It's a delusion of reference where I think songs are about me. So embarrassing because it seems so ego maniacal and it's stressful because previously when I was ill years ago working night shift I told a colleague my thoughts and she must to this day think I'm an utter narcissist (which might be better than her knowing that I'm ill). As I said above it's not yet a delusion, it's like the echo of a delusion from the past but it's one that feels like a warning that I could be getting ill again because I can feel how easy it would be for my rational brain to stop working and just get caught in a horrible state of fearful anxiety. I've been on risperidone for 15 months and I'm on 2mg currently and was due to drop to 1mg this month. Could just be worrying unnecessarily because I'm nervous about relapsing off medication.
 
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linus

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Ok, but how have you been diagnosed with FEP? was this the only symptom? what kind of "disconnection from reality" did you experience?
My son is at 1mg/day for quite some months now (also treated for a FEP) and I am trying to get him off in the next 3-4 months although he still has a "nucleus" of delusional ideas (paranoid type). He also thought some songs are about him (like Runaway Train from Soul Asylum.. he thought that it's like a warning message for him.. kids disappearing).
The way I read your message it seems to be worrying that causes this anxiety about what could happen, my son doesn't seem to care about this he just wants to be able to drink beers again (he already does it thinking that we don't find out.. )
 
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Worriedyin

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Ok, but how have you been diagnosed with FEP? was this the only symptom? what kind of "disconnection from reality" did you experience?
My son is at 1mg/day for quite some months now (also treated for a FEP) and I am trying to get him off in the next 3-4 months although he still has a "nucleus" of delusional ideas (paranoid type). He also thought some songs are about him (like Runaway Train from Soul Asylum.. he thought that it's like a warning message for him.. kids disappearing).
The way I read your message it seems to be worrying that causes this anxiety about what could happen, my son doesn't seem to care about this he just wants to be able to drink beers again (he already does it thinking that we don't find out.. )
Hi Linus, I ended up really delusional thinking I was stuck in a timeloop, that a book I wrote was becoming reality, that I was in a simulated reality and started acting bizarrely eg crossing busy dual carriageway because I thought I couldn't die and some other stuff that made sense in my heavily unwell frame of mind. The risperidone has been like magic and I can count on one hand the number of paranoid thoughts I've had since it started taking effect.

I hope your son gets better, it must be so hard to deal with. I know I really damaged my relationship with my family when I was ill but they've been so supportive since I've improved. I think it would hit them hard if my delusions started returning.
 
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linus

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Thank you, he seems to be on the recovery path although since he started drinking some beers he had a bad night episode thinking he will be killed and some visual hallucinations with a wardrobe changing its shape. To me it seems you are on the right track, worrying about the future will be your thing for a while, but it doesn't mean your mind will leap into psychosis, it's important to keep low on stress, have enough sleep, keep your meds until the pmed gives you a plan to taper off. How many weeks did you need on risperidone to push away the delusions?
 
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linus

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And btw, why do you think you went into psychosis in the first place?
 
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Worriedyin

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Hi Linus,

It took about eight weeks for my psychosis to go. I had to actually challenge my thoughts with logical hurdles like 'if I get to x point in time, then I'll know I'm not in a time loop' - so stupid. It was a pretty dramatic shift from psychotic to not psychotic. It took another few weeks to regain insight and realise I had in fact been totally delusional and detached from reality.

What caused it? I don't know at all. I have always been easily stressed and was a high achiever etc so partly that, I partied a bit when I was younger so maybe done some lasting damage there but it must just be the roll of the dice, it doesn't run in my family. I definitely feel unlucky because I don't think there was a trigger or obvious cause.

I sometimes drink - lightly - with the risperidone and not had any side effects from it that I'm aware of. I hope your son continues recovering.
 
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linus

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His psychatrist completly forbid him to drink.. she insists that it can be a disaster and still he tried 8 beers in a row once.
 
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Worriedyin

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His psychatrist completly forbid him to drink.. she insists that it can be a disaster and still he tried 8 beers in a row once.
I know when I was on higher doses it wasn't a good combo so can understand it's not recommended.

8 beers is a lot, but you're doing all you can to help him be sensible I'm sure!
 
SarahD

SarahD

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I have schizoaffective disorder. However I do not take meds - this is because I have suffered severe side effects. Psychotic symptoms vary, but I have them quite often, I have had to find ways of checking reality and remaining aware that things might not be really happening. It is not easy, but if you can do this to some extent you may be able to take a lower dose drug. My worse problem is depression, but life is difficult.
 
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