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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Does it get better, or do we get better at masking it..

migraine

migraine

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I’m presently in my thirties, diagnosed with depression in my early teens, some years later in my twenties diagnosed with anxiety - It’s a constant fight and struggle, without support it is at the least a tough journey.

A therapist would say to focus on the present - I always agreed; as it is best to focus on things you may control, contributing to your future.

Being highly perceptive and compassionate; others have naturally been drawn to my positive nature being a ‘Mother Teresa’ unconditionally giving to those in need and supporting another to build on their strengths and encouraging new experiences to better themselves.

In my best condition I am able to get on with the normality of life; with my devotion to living for others genuinely what equals happiness. I’m not elaborate with my actions, simply present. (My understanding of being able to be present was due to; focus on what I can control, having closure to traumatic past events, having an open mind, and simply being myself) - but still alone.

The truth is you never stop dealing with your past, good and bad experiences affects and moulds you into the individual you are today - how you build your strengths and coping mechanisms depends on your beliefs and knowledge.

——————
In my worst condition I’m isolated (mentally and physically alone). Family and friends leave my life, ignore/downplay situations when I’ve needed support, they break my trust by sharing private information or worse by gossiping about my behaviour without giving a clear explanations with others.

Although I don’t feel I deserve to be shunned or judged when I’m going though an episode. Selfless as I am, I push myself to assist others regardless of my own struggle - others still need help.

I’m exhausted. I’ve learnt not to share my problems with anyone close to me - ignorance is bliss after all. Also not to live with persons who may have the same mental genetics!

In my opinion **it doesn’t get better - we just acquire different ways to cope!
 
K

karl7

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i just want to say you sound like a real decent person.....keep it up and WELCOME to the forum....im sure you'll like this place
 
migraine

migraine

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That’s kind of you. Keeping it together is hard work - and I’m no robot!

Thanks for the welcome
 
Blooming

Blooming

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:welcome: migraine,

I have met them all, those who gossip, those who compete, those who do this and that ... I have come to the conclusion that this is how many people are, not all, but many.

So, when we are not among the lucky ones with friends we can trust, we have to find a way to live. You can chose to live alone. Have you thought of that?

What I mean is that the alone-life does not have to be boring. One can chose what to put into it like school, work, relaxation exercises, go out with colleagues, go to the Gym, go to see a movie with so called "friends", take a walk in the park, go to a concert alone or together with somebody.

To chose to live alone, now, does not mean that it has to be so forever (may be for the next two years or so). But it takes away some of the pressure about looking for a partner, now.

To conquer anxiety, one always has to find a relaxation exercise that one likes to practice. It is better to live in the present, then to have the past there instead of the present. I set apart a special time after the evening news almost every day to allow myself to let the past come into my life. This helps me to tell myself during the day: "Not now, my friend - half an hour after the news tonight".

My experience is that the past will repeat itself over and over again if it is not allowed to be looked at.

You do not have to help others always. Put in some "me-time" daily and find an organization you can work with. What are you burning for? Will you feel useful if you work for the environment, for climate-change, for Red Cross or some sort of a similar organization, for helping the poor and so on? What I am saying is that let not others use you, but try to channel your energy into a good cause. That will give you the opportunity to do something meaningful in your free time together with others.

May be you will like this book (It is very easy to read and it helps with giving a content to the here and now, inclusive to chose among different solutions):

"The Decider Skills for Self Help: CBT and DBT skills to increase resilience, coping and confidence" Paperback – November 29, 2019 by Michelle Ayres and Carol Vivyan
 
S

StillDepressed

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In my experience although some days can be better
It never gets better
I don't think it gets worse either
Just the mask slips from time to time
And then we try a different mask
And pretend different means better
Until we realise it wasn't

Like you I was diagnosed with Depression in my teens
Just as I learned to cope, it became anxiety
It's the same chemical unbalance, it causes anxiety and depression
So just like we change our mask
Our own brain changes the way it attacks
 
Blooming

Blooming

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In my experience although some days can be better
It never gets better
I don't think it gets worse either
Just the mask slips from time to time
And then we try a different mask
And pretend different means better
Until we realise it wasn't

Like you I was diagnosed with Depression in my teens
Just as I learned to cope, it became anxiety
It's the same chemical unbalance, it causes anxiety and depression
So just like we change our mask
Our own brain changes the way it attacks
If you pretend life has become better, you live in a game and, not in real life. May be you didn't get right treatment?

I became depressed as a teenager like you. I had good talking therapy and was able to relate to childhood traumas together with a caring therapist. But that was not enough to keep me in an OK state (an experienced OK state).

In addition I needed relaxation exercises to help me to recognize tension in my body (anxiety make the body tense). I needed to build new friendships and to be in the here and now (Mindfulness which, include self accept).

Sometimes we have to wear masks in our meetings with other people. If we wear masks in meeting with ourselves, we fool ourselves.

To become better we have to accept who we are and the personal frustration we have to live with. Then we have to read about what they call "disorders" and then pick both therapy according to the "disorder" and ways to cope with ourselves. We cannot run away from who we are or what sufferings we have to carry.

I have been helped by antidepressants as well, but they only help to correct some connections in the brain. To change we need to do the job, repeat the job, do - repeat, do - repeat, do -repeat ...

If we forget to repeat, it is like it was in our school days. If we never repeated what we learned, we would not remember it at an examination.

I don't mean to say that you haven't tried enough because people don't know where to look when the become depressed or whatever for the first time. Now there is much information at the Internet, so there is hope. :hug1:☺
 
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StillDepressed

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Thanks, I'm glad talking therapy helped you and you are right I haven't found the right treatment, but I'm in my 16th year of trying with continuous help from the wonderful NHS.

I'm trying yet another therapy shortly, but so far most have not made a difference. Not yet found an anti-depressant that works, but Lithium at least is preventing me, at the least for now from hitting crisis again and the Propranolol keeps the panic attacks at bay, well at least the heartbeat bit.

But for me it's no longer about feeling better, no one has came to curing it or evening giving me an explanation as to why? It's about not getting worse, keeping the mask on just so I can survive
 
Blooming

Blooming

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Glad to hear that Lithium works (to some degree), StillDepressed. So it is to survive for you (sometimes it is about that for me as well).

Even if it is about surviving there is something you can do. Make a plan (use daily planner either you feel good or bad). Be kind to yourself if you have put more on your daily planner than you can handle. You can finish the next day. Make time to relax in between , to do something fun.

There are lots of relaxation tapes at Internet. Find one you like and practice daily.

Eat healthy and learn techniques you can use in different situations. An old friend showed me the link to very good self help page. Study it, chose the techniques you want to use repeat how to use them as often as you can.

Physical daily exercises are important.

May be it is not about having a much better life for you, but perhaps a little better and to enjoy the good moments there are.

Getselfhelp.co.uk - Solutions

Hope you will experience some sort of mastery! :hug1:
 

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