Does it always come back?

[tapdancer]

I have been aware of my mental illness since about 4 years ago. When it first happened and I realised it was depression I was so ashamed. I hid it which made it worse. I did however go to the doctor who prescribed medication and after a few months felt on top of the world. Then about 14 months after that it hit again. This time I was not so ashamed of it and asked for more help (counselling). But my third and final attack came early December 2008. I deliberately delayed taking any medication and hence went into a severe depression lasting 3 months. During that time I was willing myself to die. I had no hope and was so scared of everything. I might add that I have a fantastic husband and grown up children who were very helpful but I know nothing would take away the excrutiating pain, especially mornings. My tablets started to work eventually and this time I am not coming off them! But over the last few days I have begun to feel scared again - not as bad as last time but I am so frightened that it will happen again regardless of the fact that I am on medication. I have upped my dosage but has anyone out there actually conquered this dreadful disease with the help of tablets or anything? Or is it a case of "once you have it, you have it for life"?

 

[coraline1664]

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I don't think that once you have it you have it for life. Some people have only one period of depression. You might not have it a fourth time . I was diagnosed with severe depression at only 16, it lasted about a year and same as you it was excruciating. I couldn't believe a person could feel so much pain. It came back at about 18/19 for another few months. I'd never really conquered it, I found it faded. I have been on so many medications that I don't really know if any of them helped at all and if something did, which one it was. I am now on no medication for illness now, I am really struggling but as for my depression I'd say it was mild compared to before.
I have heard stories from other people who had conquered their depression. I think that as you don't have it now, keeping to a routine and getting fresh air and social contact might help to keep it at bay. I think both times for me it started when I was letting my other problems really get to me. So I better look after myself too!

Best Wishes,

Liz

 

[tapdancer]

Thank you for replying. I know there are many many thousands of people out there who suffer the same as us. If you say you have a headache and dont feel well, almost everyone will relate to that and sympathise and give comfort. But to say you suffer from depression (which can be an absolute killer - literally!) and people who have not experienced it will shy away, call you mad, unbalanced, neurotic - or worst of all - "pull yourself together". In my worst moments I would say to my husband "if I thought that doing cartwheels in the nude round the town centre would get rid of this nightmare, I would do it". I think that is the worst bit when you dont know what to do to help yourself. I would wake up in the mornings and feel I had to thrash around with my legs and arms. I would pace up and down wringing my hands in despair. His patience deserves a medal! So I am not on this site to help myself necessarily. I would like to help others who are suffering and I think the best help (not cure necessarily) is to have someone listen to you who does actually understand. Perhaps what starts the depression is different in everyone's case, but it ends up the same exhausting, frightening, soul destroying thing. I wish you well along with all fellow sufferers who read this.