Does anyone really care?

W

who_why_how

New member
Joined
Jun 20, 2018
Messages
1
Location
UK
#1
In April this year, I had a "breakdown" and felt rather suicidal. My wife contacted my parents and alot came out over the two days.

It's not something that happened overnight, it's been there for years, some days are better than others but I've been on a downward slope for months, self harming in January and February, broke down in April, wife made aware of it, parents made aware of it, even went to the doctors, everyone has been so supportive, I was referred to Mind, went for a counseling session, explained that I was abused by a dentist when I was younger and as a result, have avoided dentists for years, had sedation treatment once and now for the past two years, I have been going to the dentist every three months for a clean and every time I get treated, I'm booking the next appointment, then every day just thinking about it over and over...

I feel like I'm worthless, went on holiday returned last week and was told that there would be a letter from Mind, I come home, no letter, its been a week that I have been back, went to work on Monday and tuesday,

this morning I woke up doubled over with a sore stomach, my wife was staying at her parents as she stays there every tuesday for weightwatchers that she does with her mum, she was all fine this morning, take care of yourself etc, then later this afternoon starts saying that I have to be careful I will lose my job etc, making me feel like I was lying so I wouldn't have to go to work... well if that was the case, why did I go to work monday and tuesday... am I supposed to go in while doubled over in pain? Don't get me wrong, my wife is supportive, just never when I'm ill.

I'm geared up to go to work tomorrow although now I simply cannot be bothered at all, but never the less I will go as all I do in everything is please others.

Mind hasn't bothered to send me a letter, so I'm giving up with counselling. I'm just tired of it all and have self harmed tonight in the bath, nothing to serious and now I'm just lying on my bed with my surface tablet listening to the most depressing music, wife is downstairs as she won't sleep anywhere near me because I "infected" the house, the way she makes it sound is, I have the plague.

Maybe I'm just a plague on the whole and I'd be better off just gone, if only it was simple enough to just go to sleep and not wake up, but sadly too young for that :( I can't simply kill myself because I'd upset everyone.

Anyhoo, sorry if this is all over the place, I'm just randomly typing as it comes to me.

Feel free to ignore it.
 
J

johnadams73111

Member
Joined
Jun 20, 2018
Messages
8
#2
hang in there man,your never alone, killing yourself is never the option, you mean alot to people and it would upset them. just try to think positive and take it a day at a time. turn off the depressing music and listin to something more positive like a podcast or an audio book. im always here if you need someone to talk to :)
 
H

Helena1

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
Oct 11, 2014
Messages
9,918
Location
UK
#3
Don't give up with the mind counselling. Can you ring them up to see if they have sent the letter?
 
Cazcat

Cazcat

Well-known member
Staff Member on Leave
Joined
Sep 12, 2013
Messages
2,425
#4
Hi,

I'm sorry that things are so hard for you at the moment. I have been very low myself at times. I've currently been off work since February with depression and anxiety and been on increasing doses of antidepressants. At times both my GP and My husband have been pushing for me to go back to work yet my counsellor and occupational health nurse were telling me to stay off sick. I am just finally starting to feel vaguely human again but am not planning to go back to work for another month on occi health and counsellors advice. Recovery from mental health problems takes time and won't let you rush it. It can also be very difficult for other people to understand because it is an invisible illness, even my husband who has significant mental health problems himself has been inpatient at times, so I understand how difficult it can be when those around you are not being as supportive as we would like. I think with my husband part of his approach was due to anxiety about my job security and finances. That didn't make it any easier or less hurtful though.

Waiting lists can be long for support but it is also worth ringing mind to find out what is going on with your referal, sometimes things do get lost in the system.

There is also a getting help page on the site that you might find useful.

Getting Help – Mental Health Forum
 
T

tartenbach

New member
Joined
Jun 22, 2018
Messages
4
#5
WWH - Ditto. Breakdown over Christmas to the extent my daughter wasn't with me Xmas eve and Christmas morning, because I just couldn't cope. I don't remember much tbh. I think it was my rock bottom. Then I self harmed. I still feel the need even today, I've been off sick from work since December, that doesn't help much. I feel rubbish and useless all the time. But one thing that helped was Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Mind aren't the only people that offer it, self refer to somewhere, ask your GP. That's what I did and even though I'm not perfect, I'm a million times better than I was at Christmas. GO FOR IT! XXX
 
M

Meadow Cat

Guest
#6
I realised a long time ago that they care, but they cannot cope with it. Some pretended it wasn't happening and spent less time with me and less time phoning me. Sitting with them, i was met with blank expressions, or shallow responses that angered me because they were also so ignorant.

They can't help being ignorant and can't be expected to understand everything and do and say everything right. They can't be expected to help you either, or relied upon, not even charities or psychiatrists. We really are in charge of ourselves. My psychiatrist told me at the time that i needed to mix with people who were going through the same as me and should try support groups and forums.
 
F

Flip00008

Member
Joined
Apr 30, 2018
Messages
11
#7
Hey! Sorry all of this is going on. It was not to long ago, I felt as if I just wanted to end everything. I was in a very bad state of mind because of my sons health. I cried all the time and tried to sleep to pass the time. I had no drive at all. Long story short- my sons health got better and all I had been focusing on was all the darkness around me and I was missing all the beautiful. Dont give up on the mind counseling. I will be praying for you!
 

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