Does anyone 'miss' some symptoms of psychosis?

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philips

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Jun 24, 2018
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#1
Hi everyone, this is my first post here so please bear with me!

Last summer I had what I think was my first true psychotic episode, in the past I've had times where I've had all the symptoms but somewhere in my head I seemed to know that the delusions, paranoia and voices weren't real. But this time there was nothing anyone could say to make me see that I wasn't well and it ended with a stay in hospital where I ended up thinking I was being spied on, that the hospital was listening to my thoughts and that they had people monitoring me from another room and I could hear what these people were saying.

While I in no way want to go back to that situation, I did end up considering the voices I thought were monitoring me to be like 'friends' and actually felt a bit let down when the delusion came to an end. So I think what my question to you all is, is this normal to feel this way? I think the reason it effected me like it did was that in the past I've always known the voices weren't real but it does worry me even 6 months later that I still feel like I'd like to engage with these 2 but know I can't.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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#2
:welcome: to the forums.

During my psychosis I had a few glands that were overproducing namely the Pineal gland producing Dimethyltryptamine (DMT) which is like LSD or magic mushrooms and the Pituitary gland producing opioids which are like ecstasy and cocaine, needless to say I was high as a kite off my own body chemicals and loved it.
I had more energy than ever so felt younger than I've felt in many years but mentally I felt ancient at the same time, the trip I was on from the DMT was great at times and I had fantastic delusions.
Then the voice started up and he guided me into a bad trip filled with paranoia and bad delusions.

Now I'm on medication my glands won't overproduce any more but the voice remains and never shuts up so is nothing but a pain in my arse, it's been 2.5 years since I started meds and my last episode of psychosis yet this voice just keeps on going.

I go to social groups with the Early Intervention Team for psychosis and some people have lost their voice(s) due to medication and they miss them.
 
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philips

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#3
I feel like whenever I admit that there are some parts of being so ill that I miss people think I'm saying I don't want to get better or take it as an indication that I'm currently more ill than I am. When it's just friends and family in a way I get it because until it happened to me I don't know if I'd have understood either but whenever I mention it to my intervention team there's always an uneasy feeling in the air. I was beginning to think it was only me who felt that way!
 
boudreauj4

boudreauj4

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#4
When I've read books about schizophrenia, the authors have often mentioned that some people admit to missing their voices when they get better.
 
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Jules5

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#5
I hear voices too. Maybe I would miss them when they go away-not sure. I know when I hear the TV on full blast and it is not on and 2am in the morning I go into a crisis mode. Now I use to jump up to see if the TV was actually on and know it is just the voices. I do become alarmed and afraid. But the voices do not scare me-just knowing I am hearing them scares the shoot out of me.
 
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Rbw88

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#6
I miss the beginning features of my psychosis. The vivid colours the energy the sense of meaning. My voices where positive and kept me company the spying devices where like the tv program big brother so I felt safe and a bit famous. My actions where good painting, planting flowers cooking. They eventually turned bad after a nasty stay in hospital. The delusions became persecutory. The hospital stay did not make me better!
I find being ‘sane’ very difficult I haven’t got a normal life yet and I lost it when I got ill. Out of the 2 I miss my old life with a job and a loving relationship more than the psychosis but find myself comparing my situation with psychosis to now and preferring my mood then better than now. Like some of you I feel a bit at a loss without my delusions I have to make it in the real world now and I’m starting from scratch. Maybe it’s not missing the psychosis but finding reality hard to negotiate? Your thoughts are welcome!
 
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Jules5

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#7
Congradulation's On feeling a bit more normal. I have had severe psychosis for my whole life-and I see no way out of it. I meet every criteria listed. so maybe I am hopeless. I try so hard to be normal. Just always relates back to psychosis. My life is ruined due to my illness. Sure wish I could see light in this darkness. Sorry to be a downer on your parade. I just have a hard time with everything. Wishing you well always Jules
 
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harsh-reality

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#8
No don't miss them one bit.

The voices insistence in being in my life - I lost my siblings and their partners from my life ie I heard all of them shouting at me in my head when I was severely psychotic - sent emails to them - wanting them be in contact and nice but they couldn't differentiate my voices from who I am.

I am a decent guy who likes people and tries his best. My voices could turn me into a bit of an a hole but now that I no longer hear them I realise this was not me but symtpoms of my health condition ie schizophrenia - I stopped drinking alcohol 8 years ago and was persistently asking for change in meds as I knew they weren't working and finally on a good combination that prevents voices in my life.

my parents and long term friends stood by me and am grateful for that and have made new friends since also

Life with the voices was a rollercoaster - a horrible and very unpredictable and at times terrifying ride and no way do I wish to be back there - but its possible not to hear them anymore and be content.

Ok yes I agree with one on here - you may not have the top job anymore or the long term relationship but stability and contentment and no rollercoasters are fine by me....

Voices are worse in the fact that others can seriously have a very inaccurate vie wof exactly who you are as a person because the voices are not who we are but some strange symptom of our health condition

Good riddance to the voices from my perspective
 
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Rbw88

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#9
wow I had psychosis for 3 years in my teens and 3 years in my twenties. I’ve really struggled to come out the other side. I thought I was being poisoned by the end and it was impossible to live like that. I’m sorry you feel there is no way out I often feel like that even now I’m well. It’s like the trauma it causes never goes away even when the psychosis ends. I’m struggling to go out and get a job and make friends. So one set of problems has stopped and another set of problems emerged. I find plenty of people who want to use me but none who are supportive. The worlds a scary place when you’ve been ill. I hope some days are better than others and that talking on this site helps x
 
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harsh-reality

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#10
wow I had psychosis for 3 years in my teens and 3 years in my twenties. I’ve really struggled to come out the other side. I thought I was being poisoned by the end and it was impossible to live like that. I’m sorry you feel there is no way out I often feel like that even now I’m well. It’s like the trauma it causes never goes away even when the psychosis ends. I’m struggling to go out and get a job and make friends. So one set of problems has stopped and another set of problems emerged. I find plenty of people who want to use me but none who are supportive. The worlds a scary place when you’ve been ill. I hope some days are better than others and that talking on this site helps x
I can understand your post - once psychosis is no longer there - it can be replaced by big time anxieities and flash backs - I had lots therapy and gradually I guess I managed to slowly get myself out there and make new friends and working less only small part time but its enough - I know I have to be extremely careful with my stresses and limit them as much as humanly possible. I guess my anxiety meds are effective now also and I managed day by day getting myself gradually out there again - the only pain is that recovery is not an overnight process - mine has been over a number of years but I recognise my progress etc...
 
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Rbw88

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#11
I contacted my old therapist again tonight, she’s no longer working but she might point me in the right direction . I just find I’m making bad choices and I have this strong feeling like I’m useless and lonely. in reality when I’m really well I make friends easily and am not carrying around all this baggage. I don’t think it would take too much more therapy to help me as I was in it for ages before I got ill. How did you feel when you first stopped having psychosis?
 
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harsh-reality

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#12
Well for one I don't know you but no one should say to themselves they useless.

That has been a hard one for me too. I was let down by horrible family members giving up on me when I was at my worst and no job etc I tended to agree with peoples criticisms of me back then but there was reasons I not working - ie like yourself I have a disability - its hard to consider mental health condition a disability because we simply relate it to who we are as a person and not put our circumstances etc down to the fact we not on a level playing field with a great many around us.

The lonely side - yes I understand - I guess starting make friends initially with others with their own mh struggles etc - made me realise I not alone and people who been there themselves I have found are the best for friendships as they tend to be more forgiving and accepting as they know how it goes in general.

Through that I started doing activities and gained other interests and I feel more able to deal with lifes troubles.

Its hard to say when I stopped hearing voices etc...

Meds changed - less work stresses - more stable friendships - less unachievable expectations of myself - being nicer to myself - giving up alcohol - being more active...

Several factors I guess all helped - but cant pinpoint when stopped hearing voices ie it did not happen like one night I went to bed and this racket going on around me and then the next morning I woke up and heard the birds singing - I just think like everything it was a gradual process.

I still have my moments no doubt ie other stresses around me of friends or family etc but I felt I was destined to be surrounded by all this babble that no one else heard.

Am surprised to be honest to be where I am but I do hope everyone who has heard voices becomes voice free because its a nasty and tough way to exist and I feel for anyone in this scenario...
 

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