Thanks for your reply, i've read about the diabetes and weight gain quite a bit, those side effects do worry me a lot if i'm honest but what price do you put on your sanity and gaining your life back? I'm really hoping the clozapine will help with my motivation as the lack of it is the worst symptom i have, if i gain my motivation back there will be no stopping me, i'll be able to function like a normal human being again and maybe be able to re-join society as a working member of it. If i do gain a lot of weight whilst on it then my self-esteem is gonna go through the floor, it's low enough as it is due to a bit of weight gain from risperidone, so even if my motivation increases i could still want to isolate myself due to how i'll look but there's also the chance that my motivation levels will be back at their previous levels before becoming unwell where i was working out every day multiple times a day so then the weight gain wouldn't be a problem. The blood tests don't bother me, not really worried about the serious side effects as they're quite rare, just really hoping it's the miracle drug i've been led to believe it is. My psychiatrist is amazing, she's helped me massively in the time i've been seeing her. I was quite surprised that she suggested clozapine though considering my level of insight but i think she's not just trying to get me better but completely symptom free which would be life changing for me. She told me that other antipsychotics only have a 60% chance of working whereas clozapine has an 80% chance, that's a big jump in numbers so it has to be worth a try, i'm not losing anything even if it doesn't work as she has said if it doesn't work for me or if i'm not tolerating side effects then she'll change me back onto aripiprazole